White Gold
by SweetsC
Summary: When another relationship goes wrong, Bella decides it's time to take fate into her own hands. That's why a month later she ends up at the sperm bank... looking at the file of E.C. Colab between Sweet Ciccio and shellyfish! AH/AU fluff with PLOT!
1. Mission: One night stand

A/N: So, this is my first try to write a story. I hope you all like it. It will be a funny/fluffy story but it has also a plot.

I don´t know if there will be an update scedule, but I hope that I can post a chapter once or twice a week. this Cahpter is like a prolouge. It´s just the introduction to the story and the next chapters will be way longer than this one!!

I just want to thank Heelstominivan for supporting me so much and helping me out when I needed a second opinion on something and I want to thank all the girls on the reunion thread over at the Twilighted Forum!! I love you all!!

If there are any questions about the plot or the characters, just PM me and I´ll try to answer the questions.

the next chapter will be up soon!! Oh, and sorry if there are mistakes.. I don´t have a beta yet! If anybody is interested, please PM me!!

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

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White Gold

Chapter One

Mission: One-night stand

BellaPOV

So, this is another pathetic effort to make my dream come true…a baby. Yes, it may sound weird for a twenty-five year old woman to want a baby without being married or even considering getting married, but that's really what I want. I have had too many failed relationships to believe in the typical happily ever after stories to wait and hope that my prince in shining armor will come one day and sweep me off my feet.

I feel like my whole life is a failure and I need something that shows me that there is a reason for me to _be_ here. So, after my last horrible break up with a pathetic excuse of a man, I decided that I was just made to give love, not receive any. I am made to be a mother.

That brings me to my present situation. Here I am, laying in my bed, with another attempt to get pregnant from a one-night stand.

"Oh, god… You're so hot! Your boobies are like tennis balls, so tight and perfect…Mmmmm!" says Mike, the moron who is currently lying on top of me trying to figure out how he can open my bra. I think he hasn't figured out yet that the opening clasp is in the front. And boobies?! Really?! Welcome back to high school! Although it seems that it was easier to get knocked up 7 years ago. Oh my god, I can't believe that I am really sinking to this level, but I really want a baby. "Hey sexy, can you help me with this? I think it's broken or something…," he asks after a failed attempt to rip it off. "Mike, the clasp is in the front," I tell him while opening my bra. _Maybe he is slightly retarded?? That would explain his bad pick up lines and his drooling_. I think I should ask him about college or his SAT score, just to calm myself down that my child won't be a total lost cause.

**Bella, keep focused! He's good looking, and a child with blue eyes and brown hair would be just adorable… Now shut up and get it over with! **

_Right, Where was I?_ "Ohhhh…Yes…Mike...you're so…manly! And so sexy!" I fake moan. Translation: Stick it in, stick it out and leave, you loser!

I never thought it would be so hard to get pregnant! This is my third attempt to try it with a one-night stand!

I can't stand whe-.... _Did he just FART???!!_ I swear to god, it sounds like he's farting… Maybe, he has problems digesting food? Wait, what if he IS sick or has some illness or some rare hereditary disease?? Oh dear baby Jesus! My poor child won't stop farting!!

**Just ask him before he starts getting too much into it!**

_Yeah, right! And totally freak him out! _

**But what if he really has some problems? Don't you want a healthy child?? Do you hate your unborn child and want to punish it with a rare disease where it can't stop farting?! If he's a boy, he will be an outcast at school, he´ll never have a girlfriend and after a failed suicide attempt, he will be living in a little apartment with his cat, and work at a grocery store as a cashier because he is too self conscious to attend college. Do you want that for your boy, Bella??! And don't get me started what it will be like if your child is a girl! **

"Erm, Mike?"

"Yeah, sexy…Talk dirty to me! Do you want me to put my big, throbbing..." Right... Big, my ass! I saw little baby boys who could be prouder about their juveniles than him. He´s lucky that he has a cute face!

"NO!! Wait, Mike! Erm, do you have any hereditary diseases or any illnesses that can be inherited or transmitted? Something like diabetes or maybe AIDS? What about allergies?"

"That's right Bella, talk dirt-…Wait, what??" He stands up on his knees, and is now straddling my thighs. At first, he has a confused look on his face, but after some thinking, he just shrugs his shoulders and answers me.

"No, not that I know! I'm perfectly healthy right now. Now back to work."

He starts kissing my stomach again, wandering upwards to my chest, leaving a wet trail with his saliva. _God, that's gross!!_ If I wasn't so desperate, I would throw him out of my bed and out of my apartment in an instant!

_Holy mother of …? Did he just try to growl??_ It sounds more like gagging! _Please don't let him throw up on me!! _Now he's slapping my ass!! Such a sick motherfucker! Haven't his parents taught him any manners?? Wait, what if his parents are dead?? Or have some illness like Alzheimer?? That's inheritable, right? Is he adopted? That would change the whole situation!  
"Erm, Mike? Do either of your parents have Alzheimer´s? Are they even alive?? Or are there any mental illness cases in your family?? Are you adopted??" Mike stops abruptly licking my belly button, which isn't turning me on at all by the way, and glances at me with a confused look. "Bella, why does it interest you? Do you want to start a relationship? 'Cause I thought this would be like a one-time thing, but if you want..."

.GOD... "NOO!! –I mean, erm…"

Now he looks at me like I am crazy. "You know, I think it's better if I go now," he says, while looking at his wrist, pretending there's a watch. He jumps off of me, gathers his things and leaves in such a hurry, it's as if his ass is on fire! I let myself fall back on my bed.

_Looks like we're alone again!_

**Don't even think I'll talk to you right now, you loser!**

Great, even my brain won't talk to me right now… I'm completely alone... Which brought me to this situation in the first place! God, I'm talking with myself again… No more tequila for me!

When I went out tonight to this new club, I really thought that there was a chance I'd be pregnant by this time next month.

Looks like Alice's idea it'll be. I'm calling tomorrow to make an appointment. I can't believe I'm doing this.

Before I go to sleep,I search for the folder with the files of the possible candidates... I pat my stomach and whisper to it, "Let's choose your daddy, peanut!"


	2. Mission: Appointment

A/N_: Hi Guys!! _

_First I want to thank the people who reviewed the story and also the people who put this story under Alert/their favourites!_

_I also want to thank the BEST BETA EVER!!! (YES, I mean you Mel!! Also known as mcc101180!!!)_

_And now to the bigger news!! I HAVE A CO-WRITER FOR THIS STORY AND HER NAME´S Shellyfish and she'll be writing this story from now on with me!! _

_O__k, that's all from me! _

_**Hey guys, I'm Shellyfish, and I'm so excited to be writing this story! Diana (Sweet Ciccio) Came up with this awesome idea, and I'm so glad I get to help out with it!!! **_

_**This story will be on my profile too, but Fanfiction won't let me post anything yet, 'cause I just joined. But once it does, we'll give you the link…**_

_**So please enjoy!! And hope you like this, because I know I had a blast writing it!!!**_

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White Gold

Chapter 2

Mission: Appointment

Bella POV

_I cannot believe that I am really doing this, _I thought to myself while looking at all the happy couples that surrounded me.

The Donation Center building looked like any other hospital. It had the same uncomfortable plastic chairs, that make you want to cut your ass off after sitting too long on them. The walls were painted in a pleasant blue tone that reminded me of the wonderful baby blanket my mother sent me last week. I was so happy to see that she had accepted my decision and that she was supporting me. It means a lot to me, since my father, Charlie, looked at me like I was crazy when I told him about my plans. His exact words were "Ok. Whatever. It's your life."

"Mr. and Mrs. Landlord, the doctor is waiting for you in Examination room Number 12," the nurse said with an annoyed voice. She looked bored out of her mind, staring straight at the computer screen, not even bothering to look up and make eye contact with the patients.

I glanced at the young couple now on their way to room Number 12 and the only thing I can see in their faces is hope. Hope, to be able to make their dream of becoming parents come true.

I really wished that there was someone special for me in this world...

_Stop thinking that, RIGHT NOW! If Alice could hear your thoughts she would bitch slap you right in front of all these people. GET OVER IT! _

"Hooooney… I don't want to sit on this uncomfortable chair anymore. I just want to go hoooome and sleep!" I turn to the right to see to whom this nasal and annoying voice belongs, just to be met by a gorgeous blond in her late twenties.

The woman who had spoken looked totally annoyed by the fact that they were here, and her husband was just sitting beside her like a little lap dog. He is looking at her with so much adoration that I can't help but feel jealous. How does such an annoying woman deserve him and I can't even hold a man for more than 5 months.

I sighed loudly and remembered my last relationship and how it ended...

_(FLASHBACK)_

"Jake, just leave me the fuck alone! I would never, EVER touch you again after I saw what you did with Slutty McWhore! Really, Jake?! She's what... 50 years old??" I screamed at him. I cannot believe he has the guts to come to our, no, to MY apartment after I found him yesterday with this whore who works at his office as his secretary...

Yeah, I bet she is very good at sucking him off during their 'late night hours' to deserve the raise she got last month. I knew that she and Sam had an affair, and I even heard rumors that she started something with Paul. But I never, not in my wildest dreams, thought that Jake would fall for her slutty behavior and I would find them fucking on the copy machine. How **cliché** is that?

And the worst thing is, that it didn't bother me that he cheated on me. I was more disappointed about losing the good coffee machine, since he bought it. And I don't think it's a good sign if you're not even a little bit confused or hurt when you find your boyfriend with his secretary doing the horizontal tango!

"Bella, she's only 23 and you know that. She just had a nose job and that's why her face is so swollen. Baby, ju-.."

"Don't 'baby' me, Jake. I said GET. OUT. OF. MY. APARTMENT!! I don't want to hear what her problem is, and I don't want to hear your excuses either. I'm not blind, Jake. I saw what I saw and that was you sticking your cock into her disease trap! Just leave! I packed all your things and you can take your wonderful coffee machine right with you!" I was about to call Alice so that maybe she could bring Jasper and some of his friends to help me remove this trash from my apartment.

"You know what, you little bitch, I am happy that you found out about me and Lauren! At first I felt guilty for cheating on you but you deserve it! You're such a prude; I had to wait for more than 2 months until I got some... Who does that?! Go to hell, Bella Swan! I have pity for the poor fuck who has to spend the rest of his life with you!!" he said while he took his luggage and left the apartment.

I cannot believe that I wasted the last 5 months on this moron. I should have listened to Alice. She told me from the beginning that he's a jerk and that I shouldn't trust him. Now I learned another lesson. Never bet against Alice!

I'm just happy that he forgot to take the coffee machine with him.

_HA, take that, Jacob Black... You'll never see the coffee machine again! _

I still remembered the first time I met him and how sweet and overly protective he was. I can't believe I wasted the last 5 months in this asshole. I was just about to call Alice and tell her the news, when my phone started ringing.

"Hey Alice! I'm glad you called... I need a distraction right now. Just dumped Jacob," I said nonchalantly.

"I know **that**, silly Bella! I'm shopping with a friend but after that, we can meet and you can tell me EVERYTHING! Oh, and I sent the bitch from the office a nice thank you basket, with lots, and lots of muffins. Let's see how Jacob will like her 10 pounds heavier," she giggled into the phone. I just hope that she didn't put anything in the muffins. My last ex boyfriend got some nasty diarrhea after he ate Alice's wonder muffins.

"Ok! Just come over when you're done! Love ya!"

_(END FLASHBACK)_

"Miss Swan. The doctor is waiting for you," said the same annoyed nurse. But this time she did look up and gave me the nastiest look I had seen in a long time. "Dr. Pattinson is waiting for you in examination room Number 14." Just as she said these words a very attractive man came out of one of the rooms and came my way.

"Miss Swan. I'm Dr. Pattinson, I'll be your doctor during the process. Please follow me."

No wonder the nurse gave me the stink eye. He was lickable! I wonder if he donated? Just before my imagination was about to undress us both, he opened a door and led me into a sterile looking room which contained two chairs, a desk and some medical books in a bookshelf above the chair behind the desk.

"Please, take a seat," said Dr. Hottie while looking at his folder and writing notes on a paper.

_Yes, I'd like to sit on your lap Doctor._

Stop that Bella! He's your fucking **DOCTOR**. God, I'm way too horny to be confronted with this walking sex.

"Before we can start with the process, I need you to fill out a standardized questionnaire, containing your age, family situation, and some personal questions. The form will be added to your file, which we will be storing in the bank."

He handed me a two-page form with some questions on it and I started to fill it out. I finished rather quickly, but there was one question that made me think.

_Why did you choose to use our Sperm Bank?_

Why did I choose to go this route?

_(1 Month ago) _

"So, how was your date yesterday?" Alice asked with a smug smile plastered on her face. She knew that I was looking for a potential father for my unborn baby, but she told me from the beginning that I won't be happy with the potential candidates. I can't believe how right she was. Again.

"God, Alice. It was horrible! When he came to pick me up he _unintentionally _groped my breasts before we even shook hands and introduced ourselves! Then we went to the fair and he insisted on riding the rollercoaster! After that he puked all over my shoes..."

"Not the Manolos!!" said Alice with a horrified expression. Shoes were like her kids. I swear I saw her eye twitch when I told her that they are ruined now.

"Yes, the Manolos. Anyway, I decided I should give him a second chance and I went with him to his apartment. When I opened the door, the first thing I saw was this huge aquarium in the middle of the apartment, but there weren't any fish in it. No, there was a _huge _anaconda! I was so shocked and freaked out I couldn't even scream. Well, not until I felt something hairy on my foot. When I looked down, there was a tarantula on my foot. That was the moment I screamed and ran out of the apartment like a maniac." I sighed and put my head into my hands.

"I'm sorry Bella that only freaks ask you out! But I told you that a one nightstand won't do it. I have a plan how you can get pregnant without sleeping with any of these douche bags!"

She started vibrating in her seat. Sometimes I think that she has caffeine instead of blood in her veins. It's not normal to be so happy and giddy all the time. It's like she ate 2 happy lovey dovey pink bunnies and they are giving her this sickening giddiness. Or maybe she just gobbled up some of those cartoons, you know, the ones that when they ran, their legs turned into little circles.

"Then do tell, Alice. I'm desperate!"

"Ok, so you know Victoria and James from High school. They were total freaks. Can you believe, they even asked Jasper and me once if we wanted to switch partners for a day! Yeah, as if I would ever let that freak touch me! He couldn't even tell the difference between Armani and Armani Jeans... I mean, it's totally-"

"Aliceeeee.... Just tell me what does that have to do with my situation?" I asked, now really annoyed. I loved Alice dearly, she is like a sister to me, but when she starts to talk she can't stop and after a while you just want to shoot yourself!

"Ok, so I met them 2 weeks ago and Victoria was pregnant." Wait, that confused me. We all know that since the football game during our junior year of high school year, James can't have children. I still can't believe that his balls exploded. It was a mess down on the field. I never saw so many guys cry in one place.

"Yes Bella. I know what you're thinking right now, and James isn't the father. They went to the sperm donation bank and that's how Vicky got pregnant. So, if they can have a child that way, then why don't you do the same??" I looked into her hopeful eyes and thought that she'd

completely lost her mind.

"Alice, are you telling me right now that I should go and buy sperm?! Are you completely out of your mind??!" I said while starting to laugh hysterically.

"Just consider it as an option. I was on their website and found some possible candidates that you might like. Here's the folder. Just look at it, Bella!"

She gave me a purple folder with the words "Jalice potential father" written in glittery script on it.

"Who's Jalice?" I asked, confused at the name.

"Your baby, DUH!! It's a mix between Alice and Jasper and I think it's cute. You should name your child that way!"

END FLASHBACK

So, now I'm here, about to choose Jalice's father....

_Stop calling your child that stupid name!_

_  
_"Miss Swan?" questioned Dr. Hottie. I looked up to see him standing over me, a concerned look on his face. "Are you Ok?" he asked. I noticed that I hadn't moved in about two and a half minutes.

"I'm fine," I mumbled, embarrassed. Dr. Hottie didn't seem to notice though as my cheeks grew warmer and warmer.

"Good, because we can't have you sick, can we now?" He smiled warmly at me.

"And why's that doctor?" I purred. _What the HELL are you doing Bella!!!_

"Because you want to have a baby..." He trailed off, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it kind of was, but still. _Good going Bells, your doctor already thinks you´re a complete idiot dufus, and you aren´t even here ten minutes. That's probably a new record._

"Yeah, sorry, brain fart for a moment." _Brain Fart??? God, I loathed myself right now._

The doctor looked at me for another moment. "Anyway, here are some files, take a look at them, see if there's anyone you're interested in. If you have any questions, feel free to call me, just press that button there." He said this while handing me a thick folder with at least two dozen small folders inside.

_Alright Jalice, time to pick out your daddy..._

_--_

Edward POV

"There's no way Alice." I muttered, sighing. We were out shopping, yet again, and she wanted me to try on a leather jacket that had 'boys will be boys' on the back in sequins. Yes, sequins.

"Come on, I know it will look good on you…" She whined, holding it up again. I shook my head firmly, standing on the spot. I hated shopping, but if Alice shopped for me, she would find things like this, that were apparently 'on the cutting edge of fashion.'

"No Alice," I said firmly, turning away and looking out into the mall. Since it was early in the afternoon on a Monday, the only people here were moms with their kids who were too little for school.

I let out a sigh. I haven't had a girlfriend in over four months… and haven't had sex in nearly that long. I was twenty six for crying out loud, why didn't I have something like a relationship or even a marriage??

"Edward, earth to Edward," Alice called, waving a hand in front of my face.

"What?" I asked, focusing on her tiny figure. She looked at me with a concerned expression.

"What is with you lately, do you want to talk about it? You know, I'm a great listener and I always hear people out and give the best advice. I really don't know why people tell me that I'm a horrible listener… Can you believe that Edward? Me, a horrible listener??" She rambled. I shook my head. I didn't need to talk to anyone, let alone with her about my sex-less life.

"No, I'm fine." I said quietly.

"Is it stress… is it Jasper, has he been dumping too much work on you, because I can talk to him, and-" She began her rant, but I cut her off.

"No, it's nothing, I'm fine, just a little distracted…" I said, reassuring her.

"If you're sure," she said before pulling me back towards the store.

"What I'm not sure about is this store," I told her. She looked back at me with a glare.

"It's on the cutting edge of fashion Edward, and I know these things," she stated, crossing her arms over her chest. "Besides, you need to look smart, I can't have you seen with me if you keep wearing last year's styles."

"I like last year's styles," I told her. She grumbled something under her breath.

"Whatever Edward…" she trailed off. "I'm going to go pick you out a few things. You go next door and pick yourself out something pretty." She finished, handing me a crisp twenty-dollar bill.

"I have money," I muttered, giving it back. She just rolled her eyes, and pointed one finger next door, in a 'go on' sort of way.

I sighed, and walked next door. The clothes were more simply here, more my style.

"Honey, come on, pick out something for daddy," said a woman, who was bending down next to her young son, clutching a handful of ties.

"Which one will daddy wike de best?" the little boy asked, looking at his mother.

"Whichever one you choose, I know he will love it." The mother said distractedly, glancing at the clock. "We'd better get going."

"Dis one!" The boy cried, pointing to a horrid orange one.

"Good choice," the woman said, and rushed them off towards the register.

I let out another sigh… why couldn't I have something like that? I always wanted a kid, or two. After remembering my great childhood and how much fun me and my brother had, I always wanted to have children who could experience this special sibling-bond.

I grabbed randomly at a shirt in my size and went up to pay. I had the money now, I could buy thousand of shirts, but it wouldn't matter. Money really didn't bring you happiness. I wondered what damn genius came up with that, because he's just stupid.

I remember when I didn't have any money, but I hadn't been happy then either. Maybe I'm just not a made for happiness. But back then, I did crazy stuff for money, thinking it would make things better. I mean one time I had even visited a sperm bank for a little cash…

**(Five years ago)**

I walked nervously into the room. It looked like a standard hospital room, off-white walls and hard, plastic chairs lining the walls. I walked shakily up to the front desk. I still couldn't believe I was doing this.

I was at a sperm bank, donating… Well, let's just say I was donating more than my time.

"Name," barked the old, cruel looking lady at the front desk. She had wrinkles on her face that I was sure weren't from laughing.

"Ed…Edward Cullen," I stuttered, gulping. _You need the money, you really need the money, _I chanted in my head, as I took the forms.

I walked over to one of the hard chairs and began filling out the information.

NAME: Edward Cullen

AGE: 21

DOB: June 21, 1983

And it went on, and on, and on. I filled out the information slowly, making sure everything was right. It wasn't until I got to one of the last questions that I had to stop and think.

Would you like to know when someone decides to use your forms?

Huh. Well, damn, what was I supposed to say to that? Did I want to know when I would, _gulp_, become a father? Even if I technically wouldn't be 'the father,' I wasn't sure.

I thought about it though. Did I want to live my whole life without knowing if I ever had a child… even if it wasn't really mine? Wouldn't I at least want to know if I was part of bringing a child into the world?

_What the Hell,_ I thought, and checked yes. Who knows what would happen down the road…

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I hoped you liked chapter two.. And the story will be getting better and better! ;)

Our amazing beta has started a thread over at twilighted for this story! Everyone who has questions, wants to chat or just check out the teasers... Come visit it!

Here´s the link: www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=44&t=4798


	3. Mission: Choose!

**A/N:**

**Hi guys! **

**First of all thanks for all the reviews and alerts!! We love to hear what you think about the story!**

**Now to something else. This will be the last update for a week, because I´m in turkey for vacation and I won´t have internet there! SORRY! But as soon as I´m back you´ll get a chapter!! **

**So, that´s all I have to say! **

**Love, Sweets**

_Hey guys, thanks SO much for your reviews, and/or putting this story on alerts or favorites! It means alot!_

_Also, today was Sweet's Birthday... and I think a great present for her would be an inbox full of reviews, so be sure to wish her happy birthday!_

_Glad you are all liking our little story! This chapter was alot of fun to write, and the plot starts picking up, so enjoy the ride!_

**Disclaimer:**Not ours! All ´s!!(although the idea is ours! ;))

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White Gold

Chapter 3

Mission: CHOOSE!

Bella POV

There are some things in life that were not meant to be. Like spam, gym class, or sugar- free chocolate. And looking at this file, I knew that this dude was definitely not meant to be Jalice's father.

_Damn it Bella, stop calling your child Jalice…_

I looked once more at the file.

FILE NR. 36027, E.Y.

Hi, I'm file number 36027. _No shit, Sherlock._

I'm average height with dark hair and eyes, and I have no real family history. _So, you just magically appeared here?_

So, if you are reading this, I guess you're going to have my baby! Anyway, I've never wanted to be a father… but if you want to go out sometime, call me!

_Yeah… don't hold your breath on that… actually, go ahead and hold your breath, just make sure to have 911 on speed dial. What perverted asshole would ask a pregnant woman on a date, when he doesn't want to be a father? Shame on you, file number 36027!!_

I rolled my eyes once more. Who in the world writes that when they're donating sperm?

I quickly flipped the file into the 'reject' pile, along with the first three I looked at. I was using the same technique that I used when I was dating, though that didn't work out so well. I would look at a file, and wait for that feeling of either cold dread, or a warm, happy jumpy feeling. So far the latter hadn't appeared yet.

I re-crossed my legs, as I tried to get more comfortable in this damn chair. You'd think that people, who had to spend so much time in here could at least sit comfortably,

but noooo…

I sighed and pulled the next file out of the pile, and opened.

_Maybe this will be the one._

FILE NR. 98273, M.N.

Hey, I'm 98273.

_What is it with these people, do they think I'm that stupid?! I just freaking read the file number! Or maybe they were just that dumb, the baby better have my genes._

I have blond hair, blue eyes, and a great sense of humor. _Ok then… this isn't a personal ad people!!_

I enjoy sports, so you better put the baby on a team. Or maybe it will be more like me, and have a natural talent. In that case, it will be the star!

_This is starting to sound oddly familiar. _I looked back up at the file… M.N.

There was no way. I mean, it couldn't be, could it? I looked back at the file. It did sound like something he would say, and he was quite an asshole …

"Shit," I muttered. So I could have had Mike Newton's freaking baby without going through that whole awkward thing at the bar, and without him farting while groping me.

Well damn, that sucks.

"I don't think you're quite father material," I muttered to myself, and closed his file without looking at anything else.

Jalice deserves a _way_ better father than that. _Stop calling your baby Jalice!!!!!!_

I sighed, this was taking forever. I didn't think it would be this hard picking out a father for my child, I mean they were just guys.

Praying that the next file would be THE one, I picked it up.

FILE NR. 39012, J.T.

Hi! I'm a way too attractive actor, originally from Queens, New York. _Hmm, an actor…Do I really want my child in show biz?_

I have seven sisters, so there is a good chance that the baby will be a girl!

_Seven?????_

Oh, and how you doing? _Ok, not going with a guy that tries to hit on me…_

"How's the father search coming?" A voice asked me suddenly, causing me to jump out of my chair. I hastily sat back down, feeling heat rising to my cheeks. Dr. Hottie was back.

"Um, not so good, actually," I mumbled. "It's harder than you would think." _Wait, he was the doctor, of course he knows how hard it is, he sees women do this every single day._

"You'll find one. In the mean time, I thought you could use a drink," he said, handing me a glass of water. _I certainly could use a drink… STOP IT BELLA!!!!_

"Thanks," I murmured instead, taking a sip. I felt the ice cold water slide down my throat.

"Once you're pregnant, you'll need to stay hydrated, so please drink lots," he said, before leaving the room.

_Yes, Doctor, but what if I'm bad and don't listen to your orders? Will you punish me?… DAMN IT BELLA!_

I went back to my files, begging for one to come along that was decent.

FILE NR. 15489, E.C.

Hello.

_Starts good. He said hello, instead of hey… it's more formal…_

I am 21, and live here in the city, and am currently studying.I plan on starting my own business. _At least he's responsible._

I hope you love the baby you're going to have, and I know that whoever you are, you deserve it. _Aww… Now I have to pick him. He seems, perfect._

I'm just over six feet, with reddish-brown hair and green eyes.

One last thing, I'd like to quote one of my favorite English authors, **William Makepeace Thackeray:**

"_Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.__"_

I snatched the file, and stood up, my back cracking as I did. I didn't care about the rest of those files; this seemed like the perfect guy. Jalice, you have a daddy!

I pressed the little intercom button, ready to get this show on the road.

"Hello, how can I help you?" said a pleasant voice through the intercom.

"Um, I'm Bella, Bella Swan, and I need to see Dr."…_Crap, what was his name again? I don't think I should call him hottie…_

"Yes, I can send the doctor to you straight away, I'll page him right now." She said merrily, before a soft clicking noise told me she had signed off. I sighed. All I had to do now was wait.

Turns out, when you're waiting to get pregnant, even just five to ten minutes turns into HOURS! While tapping my foot impatiently, I tried singing in my head, counting sheep, even performing a little dance in my head just to distract myself. But I was just too excited to focus on anything other than that I would FINALLY be pregnant! I would have a little baby!

"Miss Swan, I take it you've selected the father," said the doctor. I just nodded, unable to speak. I tried to sit back down, and stop moving. But I was still bouncing up and down. You would think I had swallowed an Alice or something.

"Good, very good," said the doctor. He plucked the file from my hand, glancing it over. I waited quietly, bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet.

"So you've selected Mr. E.C.'s file. I remember when he came in here, very good looking boy, sort of nervous." The doctor was rambling. The doctor was freaking rambling, and I was THIS CLOSE to getting pregnant!!

"Anyway, this file has never been used before." My head snapped up at these words.

He seemed so perfect, why had no one used _his donation?_

"Why not?" I asked, puzzled.

"Because Mr. E.C. requested that whenever his sperm gets used, he be notified. Of course, all your personal information will be kept confidential, he simply asked to be notified."

"Oh…" I really wasn't sure what to say to that. I mean, I didn't really have a problem with that. I just wanted to finally get pregnant!!

Stay calm Bella, calm.

"So, we can go ahead and schedule an appointment to get this thing started," the doctor said. I nodded anxiously. Could I wait a few more days?

"Is there any possible way we could get it done sooner… like today?" I blurted out without thinking.

_God Bella, they must think you're some lunatic that has to have a kid within seven days, or the mafia comes._

"Um, actually we had a cancellation earlier this morning, and I do have some free time later this afternoon, if you want to come back in a few hours…" he began, but I interrupted.

"That would be perfect!" I was almost to the point of shouting, but I didn't care. This was just TOO exciting.

"Are you sure? Patients usually want sleep over these things, to make sure they are really making the right decision and all." The doctor looked at me skeptically.

"No, I'm absolutely positive." I said as calmly as I possibly could, though my thoughts were going about a million miles an hour. I WAS GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!!

"Well, here is the pamphlet about the procedure, it is very safe, hardly any risks. You'll have to sign a few things, but that should be no problem. Are you ready?"

"Yes!"

"Then come right this way… let's get you pregnant!"

-- **(Two weeks and three days later)**

**Edward POV**

After another freaking long day at work, I just wanted to go home and crash for about twelve hours. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job. I had finally achieved what I had been waiting for since I was twenty one, but damn, it was exhausting.

Jasper, my college roommate and best friend, and I had started a business together as soon as we got some money. It was freaking hard, but we finally did it, and it was now very popular, especially among celebrities. I mean, who doesn't want a luxury yacht built after their wishes? It was great publicity for us, when Pamela Anderson married in Saint Tropez on a yacht designed and built by our business.

I sighed and went into my house. I had moved into it last year. It was located by the Seattle bay, and was quite big for only one person, but I always hoped to have a family by the time it was finished. My mother had designed and furnished it herself, and from the first time I stepped into this house, it felt like home.

Lazily, I took off my tie and went through my mail. It was always the same. Bills, junk mail, the number from my neighbor, Tanya...

_Can't she take a hint? I've blown her off 15 times now!God, how pathetic does one have to be, to sneak a phone number into my mail??_

There was also a letter with an unknown address. I opened it and scanned through it, only to freeze and re-read the last few words…

_Congratulations, you are going to be father. Your sperm has been used by user 1347860._

**--**

**Bella POV**

"How the hell am I supposed to decide this?" I muttered to myself, totally confused.

I was standing in the pharmacy section, in front of a shelf full of pregnancy tests. And there were hundreds of them!

I never knew that there were this many! How was I supposed to decide? If I got the wrong one, and it didn't work, I might have a panic attack.

_Bella, it's a stick, you have to pee on it, and that's it. What could not work here? You peeing wrong?! How many ways are there?!_

It had been two weeks and three days since the procedure p . And it had been an EXTREMELY long two weeks and three days.

I had been dying to buy a pregnancy test since the moment I walked out of the donation center, but I knew that I had to wait. Alice had been with me almost every day, and kept me from freaking out.

She kept me busy, always doing something so I couldn't dwell on the fact that I was probably pregnant!

Finally, this morning, she had called, saying that she wouldn't be able to come over, but I could go to the store, and buy a test! I grabbed my purse, and not even ten minutes later I stood where I am now, trying to figure out what I was supposed to be buying.

"Maybe this one, or maybe I should get that one?" I murmured to myself. It was like Sophie's choice… ok, maybe not. But it was still freaking hard.

"God, it's not that hard to choose a freaking pregnancy test," came a rude, nasal voice from behind me. I spun around, only to come face to face with Lauren. Bitch.

The last time I saw her she had been under Jacob, NAKED, not the best image, believe me.

"Lauren," I said as coldly as I could, looking away. _Just ignore her Bella… she's a slimy slut and doesn't deserve your words._

"So who knocked you up, it better not have been Jacob!" She said, coming closer.

_Stay calm…_ I just ignored her, and picked up a random test, pretending to read the box.

_Go away, go away, go away!_

"It was Jacob, wasn't it? You SLUT! How dare you! You whore, you got knocked up by my freaking boyfriend!" She was beginning to shout now.

_I didn't know they had made it 'official'… God Bella, that is NOT the thing to focus on right now!_

"Lauren, it wasn't-" I began, but she cut me off. Such a rude slut_! If I would slapped her now, could I blame it on pregnancy hormones? _

"I can't believe you! How dare you mess with Lauren?! You don't want to ever mess with Lauren!" she screamed. _I definitely don't want to "mess around with you", that's just insulting! _

"Bella is sorry." I muttered, but quickly covered my mouth. I hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"You're going to be sorry for that, bitch!" Lauren said in deadly voice. I took a shaky step back.

Lauren wasn't _that_ big, but I had a feeling she could take me. Maybe I should have taken Charlie up on that offer of learning how to punch. Although if I was sneaky, I could distract her by shouting FREE DILDOS and pointing in the other direction!

"Naughty language girls…" said a voice from behind me. Both Lauren and I spun around at the same time, and came face to face with the most gorgeous person I had ever met.

She was tall and lean, with long, golden hair that fell down her back. She had on a gorgeous dress, and I felt my self-confidence lower slightly. But the most intimidating thing was the look on her face… she was angry, I could tell. And there was a glint in her eye. I just thanked god that her eyes were trained on Lauren, and not me.

"Butt out, Barbie, this is between us," Lauren said boldly, obviously not realizing that this woman meant business.

"Oh really, because when this little 'thing' going on between you starts, the whole store is going to be involved. And I was really in the mood for a peaceful morning. Oh, and don't EVER call me Barbie, you crack whore, or I'll personally rip out all your fake extensions and shove them down your mouth! Do you understand me?" said the girl, who was giving Lauren the coldest glare I had ever seen.

"Whatever…" huffed Lauren, before strutting off towards the register. She might have been able to pull it off, if it weren't for the fact that she tripped on something, and fell flat on her face. I couldn't help but let out a giggle.

"Thanks…" I muttered awkwardly to the girl, who smiled.

"You're welcome, she seemed like a total bitch. I'm Rosalie, by the way." She said, sticking out her hand. I shook it quickly.

"Bella," I told her.

"So Bella, trying to decide on a test, it's agony, right? I'd go with this one," she said, pointing towards a pink box. "It worked the best. Though, if I were you I'd get a couple more, you can never be too careful." She smiled again.

"Thanks." I muttered gratefully, grabbing the box. I also picked up a few other ones, and put them in my basket.

"No problem, I remember going through that… what was it, only a week or so ago? It was horrible, trying to figure out which one," she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the register.

"Thanks," was all I could mutter. I was still a little thrown off, thanks to Lauren and I was quite intimidated by Rosalie. That woman could kill someone with just a look.

"So, since no one else is here with you, am I correct in assuming you're alone in this?" She asked, a slight frown on her face. I hung my head and nodded. Was it that obvious that I was single? Did she think less of me?

"Well then, come on!" Rosalie said as I finished checking out and paid.

"Um, where?" I asked, confused.

"Back to my place, of course! You don't think I would let you do this alone?" she asked, pulling me towards the door.

"I'm fine, really." I said, touched that she wanted to help me.

"Come on, please! I'm so bored since Emmett, my husband, told me that I couldn't work because I was pregnant. Not that I listened to him, but my boss told me to take a few days off, to calm myself down. Apparently I was over hyper with one of my customers. Don't know what he meant by that! I was an angel to that customer!" She said, smiling innocently.

"If you insist," I finally said, only because I couldn't say no to the look on her face.

"Well then, come on!" She exclaimed, pulling me to a shiny red BMW convertible.

"This is your car?" I couldn't help but gawk at it. It was beautiful.

"Yeah… isn't it nice. Anyway, why don't you get into your car and follow me, I only live a few miles away," she said and I nodded.

I walked over to my car in a daze. Five minutes ago I had been chewed out by Lauren, and now, I was going over to Rosalie's house, someone I barely even knew, to take my pregnancy test. Strange.

I climbed into my old red Chevy as gracefully as I could, which really wasn't graceful at all. But oh well.

I shifted into drive and pulled out behind the shiny sports car and followed it for the next few minutes. I tried to collect my thoughts, and make something rational appear.

_You are going to pretty much a complete stranger's house to take a pregnancy test! What if she's a killer or something like that! You heard her threat to Lauren. She didn´t even flinch while threatening her!! _

I tried to argue with myself, but I just couldn't get myself to stop following the car.

I didn't know if it was the fact that she had defended me against Lauren, or that she had seemed so honest, or maybe it was just the fact the she was obviously pregnant too, but I kept following the BMW. It was probably a combination of all those things.

But if I really wanted to admit it to myself, I knew the reason. I didn't want to do this alone. I just wasn't ready.

I put all my fears aside, and pulled into the driveway of a gorgeous little house in a nice neighborhood. Rosalie, and I think it was Emmett, lived in a small brick and rock house, with a garden in front and a big porch that surrounded the whole house.

It was beautiful, and elegant. And a perfect place to raise a family.

I turned off my truck and climbed out slowly, my bag of tests clutched tightly in my free hand.

"What do you think Bella?" Rosalie asked, coming over to me.

"It's amazing." I said, but didn't follow Rosalie immediately when she turned and started walking up to her front door.

She turned around, and smiled at me.

"Don't worry. I'm not an ax murderer or anything, just a crazy pregnant woman that wants some company. Oh, and by the way, your car is one ugly piece of shit."

It was at that moment that I truly started liking Rosalie.

--

_Alright Bella, just pee on the damn stick, it's not that difficult._ I thought as I put a shaking hand containing the stick into the potty.

After a quick tour, Rose led me into the bathroom, telling me to go ahead and take care of business, so that we could get this over with, and celebrate.

Truth was, I was freaking nervous. _What if it's negative… what if it didn't work?_ No Bella, stop thinking like that. It's all going to be fine.

And with that, I peed on the damn stick. Correction, I peed on the damn 12 sticks. I swear there wasn't any fluid in me after that!

"So, did you do it?" asked Rosalie anxiously as I came out of the bathroom.

I could only nod.

"The pressure is horrible, isn't it? But in only two or so short minutes, you'll officially have a baby inside you!" Rosalie reassured me as I sank down onto her flower printed bedspread.

She smiled at me reassuringly, and patted my back.

"So if you don't mind me asking, how did you get pregnant?" she asked softly. I laughed quietly to myself.

"Long story," I muttered, my voice slightly muffled.

"I'm listening," she said.

I sat up, and looked Rosalie in the eye.

"Well it all began about a month ago, when I told my friend I wanted a baby," I began, and quickly told her all about the one night stands. She laughed when she heard about Mike, as did I. It was pretty funny, in a sad, pathetic kind of way.

I continued on, telling her all about the Jalice folder, and the bank. She nodded, making the occasional comment, until I was done.

"That's so cool, getting pregnant like that. I could never do it, not brave enough to raise a child on my own, but I'm sure you will do great!" She beamed at me. I smiled back, glad she didn't think I was a complete freak for having a baby this way.

"Bella," she said after a moment.

"Yeah," I replied, still lost in thought.

She smiled at me. "Why don't you go check your sticks?" She asked with a slight laugh. I jumped up and practically ran to the bathroom.

I picked up the first stick, my breath held, ready for the news.

There was a little pink plus sign…

--

**Edward POV**

"Hey, man. Do you have some time? I really need you right now bro!" my brother said as I picked up my phone. I loved Emmett dearly, but he was a real moron sometimes.

"Hello, to you too, dear brother. I'm fine, thank you for asking!"

"Ed, I really don't have time for your stupid shit right now. Meet me in 10 at O'Riley's bar," he said before hanging up on me.

_That makes two of us who are having a shitty day, dear brother._

While picking up my coat and leaving my house, I thought about the news I got about an hour ago... I'm going to be a father. And I don't even know the mother of my child.

How could I have been sso dumb and donated sperm?! I had hoped there wouldn't be anybody using my sperm. Oh my god!! What if my sperm gets used now more often?! I will have hundreds of children, and then they will gang up and search for me, just to kill me because I was never there for them!!

_Edward, you seriously have to stop with the horror movies and cookies during the night! Sugar and adrenaline don't mix well... Your brain is total mush right now!_

After I arrived at the bar where Emmett told me to meet him, I sat down on the nearest bar stool and ordered two beers.

The bar smelt of alcohol and cheap perfume…only Emmett could pick this place out. Emmett arrived slightly afterwards looking as if he saw our parents having sex on the kitchen table.

_Don't go there, Edward, they apologized for that. Just be grateful for your first car._

"Fuck, dude…since Rose found out she's preggo, she's killing me. Believe me, the devil seems like a kitten in comparison to Rose right now!" He started rambling, right after throwing himself on the bar stool next to mine, which was nearly breaking under his heavy weight.

"Today I offered her a piece of chocolate, because she seemed so moody since her boss semi-fired her…"

"Semi-fired?" I asked quite amused.

"Yeah, she made a 50 year old business man cry. He didn't want to talk about it, so to avoid something like that again, her boss told her to take a break from work until the baby is a year old. I swear he was afraid she would bite him, which she did, by the way!"

"As I was saying, I offered her a piece of chocolate and out of nowhere she starts crying hysterically and swearing at me for calling her, and I quote, 'A big, fat, ugly whale'!!

I mean, what the fuck?! I offered her some chocolate and the next minute she is throwing raw meatballs at my head for insulting her?? What's wrong with that chick??" He leaned back, telling his story in a bewildered voice.

"But wait, the best part is that she couldn't aim right and all the meatballs landed on the wall behind me. When she recognized her mistake she made ME clean up the mess and then she left the house, saying she was going to the grocery store to cool off, because, I quote again, 'I'm too fucking retarded to be able to comfort her after her mean boss and I me made her stay at home'!" He finished his speech with an overdramatic sigh and took a big gulp from his beer.

I was quite shocked to see what pregnancy hormones could make out of a woman. I knew that Rose was quite a bitch, but making a 50 year old man cry is, even for her, really freaky.

All the talk about pregnancy made me think about my situation again and I sighed loudly. Emmett must have heard that because now his concentration was on me instead of his beer bottle.

"What's up with you, bro? You look as if a monkey is stuck in your ass." He asked, with a straight face.

I thought of a way to tell him, that I'm soon going to be a father too, only in a slightly different way. I don't know if I should be relieved or sad that I won't have to deal with crazy ass pregnancy hormones.

"Emmett, I'm going to be a father, too," I said in a calm voice. Emmett just looked straight at me and blinked.

Just as I was about to say something again, he opened his mouth and said, "Good for you Ed. I thought your little swimmers were already dead from the lack of performance they've had in the last year! But seriously, how could you knock someone up? I thought you outed yourself half a year ago! The jacket you bought 3 weeks ago with sequins said more than I needed to know, bro!"

I looked at him incredulously before answering quite mad, "..EMMETT!! Alice bought me that stupid jacket! And as you know, I didn't 'knock someone up'!" I took a deep breath before continuing in a much quieter voice. "I donated at a sperm bank 5 years ago, because I needed some money and they informed me today that my file was used for the first time."

Emmett blinked.

"So, now there is a woman out there who is carrying my child! What should I do, Emmett?"

Emmett looked deep in thought, but slowly a smile crept on his face.

"Easy, bro. Find her!"

* * *

Ok, I hope you liked the chapter!! There is also a thread over at Twilighted for this story! We´re posting teasers there and chat!!


	4. Mission: Coincidence

A/N**:**

**Well, hello there again! ****Sorry****, for the long wait but I was on vacation for some time! But now that I'm back, you'll get more updates!! ******

**I want to thank our awesome beta Mel (****mcc10118****0) again for correcting so fast!! **

**And a big thanks to facetime who inspired some conversation in this chapter! ;) (You know what I mean, hon!) **

**And Jessy (Jessyca Cullen), you'll always be my sunshine! ;) **

**K, that's all from me, how about you Shel? **

_Hey guys! Thanks so much for all your support and feedback. It's totally awesome! Special thanks to Mel, who makes this story SO much better and smoother, she's the icing on the cake (I make really weird metaphors, I know. She goes by __mcc101180__ on here!_

_Anyway, be sure to check out the thread on Twilighted! The link is http:// www(dot) twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=4798 _

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. We just make them do weird things! **

White Gold

Chapter Four

Mission: Coincidence

Rosalie's POV

I noticed a wide smile on Bella's face as I watched her leave through the window. I was so happy for her. From what she said, she went through a lot to get a baby, and now she finally had one.

I looked down at my tummy and sighed. Though there was no bump yet, I really was not looking forward to getting fat. However, in the end it would be worth it.

_Oh great, now I'm turning into a big sap. Damn you, pregnancy hormones._

Fan-fucking-tastic. Emmett had joked the other day that I would be all emotional now, and everything would make me cry. Let's just say he was crying by the time I was done with him. Can't understand why men keep crying because I shout a little bit. I swear my boss was about to go into hysterics when I bit him. I really don't understand men… Shouldn't _I___be the emotional one?!

I don't know how long I stood looking out the window, but eventually I saw Emmett's Jeep pull into the driveway. I let out a sigh. We had been having quite a few rows since I became pregnant, but they were ALL his fault! He shouldn't be so damn insensitive; making stupid jokes and calling me fat.

I left the window and went to the fridge, and opened it, just to be sadly disappointed. We had no food. On the bottom shelf was a single piece of fruit. Above it was a carton of milk, and an egg. On the top shelf there was a case of beer.

_God, we really need to go grocery shopping. I swear this man inhales food instead of eating it._

"Honey, I'm ho-ome!" Emmett sang, walking through the door. He seemed to be in a better mood than when he left. After cleaning up those stupid meatballs, he left grumbling, saying something about meeting that stupid brother of his, Edward.

"Honey, we have NO fo-od!" I called back crossly. I was suddenly hungry. I was eating for two after all.

"Rosie, babe, sit down, I don't want you to strain yourself." I rolled my eyes as he walked into the room.

"I'm fine, Emmie. I'm barely even a month pregnant." I couldn't help but smile at his worrying. I knew he was just trying to suck up to me, but still.

"Are you sure?" he asked, before settling on the couch, and patting the empty place next to him.

"Fine," I huffed, sitting down and propping my legs up on his lap. He let out a sigh, and seemed to be mentally arguing with himself, but finally started massaging my feet. Good boy.

"So, guess who I met today," I asked casually, enjoying Emmett's hands as they kneaded my feet. I barely suppressed a moan; Emmett was nearly as good with his hands as with his disco-stick…

"Who?"

"Bella Swan," I said with a smile.

"And do I know this Bella Swan?" Emmett asked, his eyebrows bunching up in concentration as he stared at my feet. He was so cute when he was concentrating. And that face looked just like the one he makes just before…

_Oh god, I'm hornier than I thought!! Looks like big poppa is getting some tonight…_

I was starting to form a plan to get him into bed as quickly as possible, when this moron decided to talk again.

"Or is she some random stranger, because last time you introduced yourself to a random person, our house almost got robbed."

"Emmett, that was you who almost caused us to get robbed," I grinned, remembering how sorry Emmett was, and how he made it up to me. Best sex we've ever had, hands down.

_Rosalie, you ARE the horniest person right now!!_

"No, she isn't a robber. She was at the grocery shop, trying to pick out a pregnancy test, when this bitch started yelling at her for no damn reason. So I scared that wannabe-Barbie away, and started talking to Bella, helping her decide what test to get." I grinned, remembering that pathetic excuse of a female. She should sue the doctor who did her nose, that thing looked like it should have its own insurance.

"Nice Rose, you found a way to yell at someone, and help someone at the same time. It's like you won the lottery."

I scowled at him. "Very funny, but to tell you the truth, it was satisfying. I got to use my potty mouth to help someone out." I grinned. "You know, I could be a great superhero, mom by day, _The Amazing Rose_ by night, fighting crime… no wait, it would be more fun to be the bad guy, don't you think? Way more fun."

"Rose, you're babbling again."

"So," I muttered. "You think I would be a bad super villain? Is it still about the meatballs, Emmett? Just let it go! And by the way, I would be a great villain. I bet I could take down Superman, if I wanted to."

"Rose, you would make a great super villain. Everyone would be scared of you," Emmett reassured me. "You already scare people enough," he added under his breath.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he muttered. "Anyway, back to your story, you were talking with this Bella…" he egged me on.

"She said that she didn't have a hubby or boyfriend or anything, so I took her back here, so that she could take her test," I said. "See, I'm such a nurturing person, I just take people under my wings, watch them grow… and they just bloom with my help."

"Sure Rose, sure, you are great at helping people. Now go on before you start going off about super heroes again."

"Fine, fine," I muttered, casting a glare in his direction before going on with my story. "Anyway, so we're here, and we get to talking, and then she takes the test, and she's pregnant! Now I have a pregnant friend to hang out with."

"You could hang out with me," Emmett said, his eyes cast downward.

"I always hang out with you, baby," I teased. I leaned back into the arm of the couch, enjoying the full effect of Emmett's hands on my feet, and closed my eyes.

"Wait, if she isn't married and doesn't have a boyfriend, how did she get pregnant? A one-night stand?" Emmett asked confused.

I sat back up. "It's really interesting. See, she has been wanting a baby forever now, so she decided to go to a sperm bank," I began. Then I told Emmett everything Bella had told me, from the one-night stands to the point where she picked out her sperm donor.

"Wow, that's… interesting. And kind of funny," Emmett said after a moment of silence.

"How is it funny?" I questioned, leaning back once more.

"Okay, you'll never believe this, but Edward actually donated sperm to a sperm bank!" Emmett said. I could tell from the tone in his voice that he had been waiting to tell me this all evening.

"No!" I gasped.

"Yeah, like five years ago! He needed the money to start his company with Jasper. He then filled me in on the other details of the discussion he had with Edward earlier.

"Wow, who would have thought of that?" I mused, and we lapped into silence.

"Wait a minute," I said a little while later, as a random thought sprang into my head.

"What is it?" Emmett asked.

"How strange is it that I meet Bella, a girl who just got pregnant from a sperm donor, on the very same day that Edward tells you he got a notification that his sperm had been used…?" I trailed off, thinking.

"You don't think… it's his, do you?" Emmett asked slowly, dropping my feet.

"Well, what are the chances?" I said quietly. I noticed we had gotten to the point where we were almost whispering.

"Come on, there must be thousands of people that get their sperm used each day." Emmett whispered, leaning in close to me. I could tell by the look on his face he thought it was an odd coincidence too.

"Yeah, but there is only one sperm bank in Seattle, isn't there?" I asked, keen to make this work out. It was like solving a mystery. I felt like Nancy Dew, or whatever the hell her name was.

"That's true, I mean, it is possible, isn't it?" Emmett asked.

"Well, I think that now it's going to be our job to figure that out," I said with a mischievous grin on my face.

"You know what Rosie, I think it is."

--

EPOV

Since I found out that my sperm had been used I was a walking mess. I couldn't concentrate on anything, and when I passed a baby shop yesterday I nearly cried.

_God, I'm turning into such a girl!_

I'm happy that Emmett hadn't seen me this way. I bet he would've started the "Edward's-gay-theory" again.

When I was little I always pictured myself as the loving father, who would always be there for his wife and had a house, a dog and lots and lots of money.

_Yeah, I was a lazy kid. Didn't want to work. _

Thus I only had a house and money. I couldn't stand dogs given that one nearly bit off my balls, and my baby would never know his father... that's just sad.

My office phone suddenly started ringing and I answered it in my business voice.

"Edward Cullen speaking."

"Mr. Cullen," my assistant said nervously. Uh-oh...

"There is a woman here who demands to see you immediately."

"What's her name, Angela? "

"She says her name is 'Shut-up-and-let-me-into-his-office', sir." I heard Angela chuckling nervously through the phone.

Who could that be? My mom wouldn't be so rude and Angela knows Alice...

"Ok, send her in."

Just as I said those words the door was thrown open and Tanya came waltzing into my office with what I think was supposed to be, a sexy smile.

"Hi honey! I made you some brownies with that new Sir Mix-a-lot you bought me," she beamed at me.

I had never bought her that thing. My mom sent it to me and Tanya was snooping through my mail AGAIN and just took the spatula without even asking me. When I confronted her later she started crying hysterically and so I just let it go.

I couldn't stand this woman!

"Tanya, why do you know where I work and what the heck are you doing at my office? We are not.!" I said very slowly, so that she could understand me perfectly this time.

"Edward, just accept your feelings and stop denying our relationship. It's ok to be afraid of commitment but this is getting ridiculous! What will our children think? That their father doesn't love their mother? Do you want that?? Do you want your children to hate you, just because you're too uptight to accept me?"

"Wha-... Tanya, why are you talking about kids?? Ju-just go, please! I have a very important meeting now and I really don't need you here, freaking out my clients! Oh, and if you won't stop stalking me, I swear to god, I'll call my brother and he will find some way to keep you away from me BY LAW!!"

Just as she was about to reply a Native American man came flying into my office, followed by a breathless Angela.

"Mr. Cullen! I'm sorry, but Mr. Black didn't want to wait until I could call you!" she almost screamed at me.

Mr. Black just stood in my doorway looking smug, but as soon as he spotted Tanya his expression changed to some creepy little fucker grin.

"Well hello there. Didn't know the meeting would be containing three people. Who is this adorable woman?"

"She was just leaving, weren't you Tanya??" I asked her with a stern voice.

_Well, after the look she just gave you, I don't think she'll be leaving soon, Eddie boy! _

"Well, hello. I'm Tanya, Edward's girl-"

"NEIGHBOR!"

"Oh, so there is nothing going on between you two?" Jacob asked incredulously.

"God, no!" I screamed while Tanya replied with an even louder "YES!"

"Mr. Cullen," Angela called through the intercom.

"Mr. Whitlock forgot to sign some contracts that I have to send out and he is unavailable right now. Could you take a moment to sign them?"

"Yes, I'm coming now, Angela."

I looked at Jacob, whose eyes seemed to be glued to Tanya's breasts and said in a polite tone, despite wanting to kick him out of my office, "Mr. Black, please excuse me for a moment. I'll be right back."

"No problem, man. I think I can _chat _a little bit with Tanya until you're finished."

Such a pig!

_Edward, you DO sound like a chick... You should check if your dick hasn't already formed into a vagina._

Weird, my inner voice kind of sounded like Emmett.

After I left and finished the contracts I hurried back to my office. Ever since Jasper and I had started this business three years ago, we had been busier than hell, but it was totally worth it. After saving for over two years, we had managed to scrape together enough money to start Sails Away, our dream since we had been twenty-one. I still couldn't believe I had stooped to such levels that I had donated sperm, never thinking of the consequences. _See Edward, look what happened!_

When I opened my door, I found two _very _sweaty looking people there. I swear that Tanya's shirt looked like she put it on wrong. That wasn't the case before, so...

Wha- Oh...OH!! Oh my god, they did it in my office! How gross, now I have to disinfect **everything**. Who knows where that dick had been?! I don't want to get herpes or something.

_Seriously, dude...Check on your dick. It's shrinking with that girl crap talking you're doing._

"Tanya, please leave now. We have a in meeting here."

"Ok, honey. I'll wait for you outside. Bye Jakey! You have my number," she whispered the last part, meaning for only Jacob to hear, but it was loud enough for me to hear too.

"Ok, Mr. Black. How can I help you?"

"Well, I obviously want to buy a yacht and I wanted to discuss the design and furnishing with you. Lauren told me to specifically request that you build in a sex-swing. She is a very naughty girl!" he winked at me.

Yep, that douche bag just winked at me. I want to bleach my eyes and go hide in mommy's arms.

"But on the other hand, Jess wanted a lounge..."

"Oh, is Jess your daughter?" I asked. I knew that this Lauren was his girlfriend since she called me three times yesterday to tell me what she wanted on the yacht and what not.

"No! I don't have kids. Jess is my other girlfriend. She is so tight it feels like banging a virgin. And since Lauren is used like some old mattress, I need some fresh meat underneath me from time to time, know what I mean? Ok, back to talk about the yacht... I also need a good place for sunbathing. Veronica loves to have a good tan!"

I was getting really mad, listening to this retard telling me about using girls and betraying them behind their backs. How can it be that this man had three girlfriends and I hadn't had sex in so long!

"Let me guess, another girlfriend of yours?" I was nearly growling.

But he just started laughing. "No, Veronica's my fiancée. We plan to have our engagement party on the yacht!"

After hearing that, I couldn't take it anymore. I took my cell phone out and wrote Jasper a message to come here immediately. He knew that I don't send texts normally, so that was our little sign for SOS!!

I was about to punch that creep, but Jasper, god bless him and Alice for sending him to the gym, arrived only two minutes after I sent him the text and saved my day.

"Mr. Black, I think that we can arrange the rest alone. Thanks for taking your time and coming here."

Jacob, who was oblivious to my almost outburst, just stood up, shook hands with Jasper, winked at me again and left.

_I have to shower. I feel so dirty after the looks he gave me!_

"Honey, are you done yet?? I want to go home," an annoyed Tanya whined. I cannot believe she hadn't taken the hint and just left. Did she seriously think that I didn't know what she did in MY office with Jacob?!

But Jasper, who was my hero right then, saw my pained expression and told Tanya in a serious voice to leave the office, before he called security.

"Are you cheating on me, Edward? Is it your annoying assistant that didn't want to let me in? Oh my god. You ARE gay, aren't you? I thought your brother was kidding when he called you that, but now I understand why you aren't attracted to me. There is no other possibility why you wouldn't want me."

"Tanya, I can assure you that I am not gay! Please, just leave me alone. I don't want to DATE you!!! Do you get it now?!"

Now she was furious. "Whatever, Edward. I hope you and your little skank secretary will be happy, because you'll never see this body again. You will never be able to touch me again! I promise you that!" Then she came over to me and fucking slapped me!

Holy mother of crackers, did that just really happen?

I saw in a blur how she stormed out of my office. I was about to forget that she even was here today and concentrate on work, when I remembered the brownies she left. Well, since she left them, I could eat them.

_Take that, bitch. Never going to see those brownies again! HA! _

But it was too good to be true. Those brownies tasted like feet! I ran to the window and saw that Tanya was about to get into her car so I called her name.

"Tanya, you forgot something!" And then I threw those disgusting brownies out the window. They splashed right in front of her feet and some of it got on her dress.

"Hope you like them as much as I hated them!!"

"Fuck you, Edward Cullen! Fuck you, and your rich, tight tushie!" shouted back Tanya as she winked at me.

_Un-fucking-believable... Even now she doesn't get it! I should change my locks. Who knows what will happen next, since she was able to find out where I worked. _

"Ok, Edward. That chick is really weird. I will never doubt you again. I thought you were kidding when you told me that she climbed over to your balcony in the middle of the night to see you sleeping, but now I totally believe you," muttered Jasper, while trying to suppress a laugh. I merely growled at him, I was so mad right now.

"Oh, and I wanted to ask you something. I cannot go to lunch today with Alice because I have a last minute meeting with the couple from last week who ordered one of our 'Megan' yachts. Could you jump in? I'd hate to disappoint her!"

"Sure, Jasper. Just tell me where and I'll go right now. I need a break."

I really liked Alice and in the last two years since Jasper had met her, we became really good friends. It seems like yesterday when the two of them eloped and married on one of our yachts in New York City. They just clicked together, and Alice was the sister I never had. I should probably introduce her to Rosalie... they would hit it off. The hyper pixie might be good for Rose; god knew that she needed to get that stick out of her ass.

When I parked outside the restaurant I could see Alice already bouncing on her seat through the window. I never understood how she could be so happy and giddy all the time. I hoped that her hyper self could cheer me up. Even Jasper said that I was a little bitch lately.

"Hey, Alice. How are you?"

Alice just took a look at my expression and I knew immediately that she caught on to my horrible mood.

"Edward, I seriously think you need to get laid! You look like you are in pain. Have you tried to, uhm, you know, to DO something on your _own _to release some_ tension_??" she asked the moment I got into the restaurant.

I cannot believe that this little pixie just asked me about my masturbating habits. Could the day GET any better?

"Am I not allowed to be in a bad mood, Alice? And, please don't ask me something like that ever again. I just have a lot on my mind right now and there is also this annoying neighbor who can't take a hint. I'm just frustrated." I sighed loudly and put my head into my hands.

"Oh, stop being such a vagina, Edward, and live a little. If you have trouble jacking off, then get yourself a whore. Because of your damn mood swings, Jasper is all distracted, and it's no fun to handcuff and blindfold him when he's thinking about work and your well-being."

I just looked at her dumbfounded and thought that she and Rosalie REALLY should meet. They had something in common. The conversation was getting really awkward for me, so I tried to change the topic, asking her about her friend, Becca, or at least I thought that's what her name was. During the last Christmas party Alice introduced me to her, but I was so wasted I couldn't even remember my name. That was the night I woke up in a motel room, just wearing a poncho and a cowboy hat. Yep, weird night, _really _weird night.

"Oh, I think you mean Bella! She's great. She just found out last week that she's pregnant. Bella wanted a baby for so long and now her wish came true. I'm so happy for her."

"Oh, I didn't know she was married. Well, I'm happy for her, too!"

Alice just looked at me in a weird way, before suddenly her eyes started shining as if she just had the best idea.

"No, Bella isn't married. It is quite a funny story actually. She wanted a baby so badly, that she just went to the sperm donor bank and that's how she got pregnant! She tried it with random one-night stands but that didn't work out quite so well, so I suggested the sperm bank to her." Alice gave a little laugh.

_That's so weird, because I just found out my sperm was being used. Coincidence or what?_

I didn't even notice that Alice was still speaking, until I caught the last sentence that made me freeze.

"... but the last file she read was really wonderful. There was even a quotation... Wait, what was it about? I think it was from William Makepeace Thackeray. It said:

'Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.'

Isn't that cute, Edward? Edward?? EDWARD!!"

_There was no way, no way. Oh god, oh god! _

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at her as if she just told me she married an Oompa Loompa and had her honeymoon in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

It couldn't be, I mean....

"Alice, sorry, but I have to leave. I forgot that I promised my brother to meet him in 10 minutes." Without even waiting for her reply, I jumped up and ran to my car. As soon as I was seated in it, I took out my phone and called the only person that could help me.

"I need my sperm back. And I think I know who the mother of my child is." My voice was high and jittery, and I was pretty sure that I squeaked on the last word.

"Good for you! And I have already a plan how to achieve this goal, Eduardo!" Emmett said victoriously.

--

Bella's POV

I stared at the over stuffed drawer in silence, my eyebrows creased in frustration. I was sure I had put my whisk in this drawer, and not one of the three others that were also stuffed full of cooking supplies. I closed the drawer forcefully, causing a bang to echo throughout my otherwise silent apartment.

I was trying to come up with a new cookie recipe for my website; I hadn't added a new one in almost three weeks. I had been too nervous and excited about the baby to concentrate on anything else, let alone cooking. But now that it was confirmed, I needed to get back to work.

A little over two years ago, I invented a spatula that would tell you the recipe as you cooked, called the "Sir Mix-a-lot." Having been frustrated that I had to keep going back and forth between the cookbook and the bowl, I finally just bought a voice recording chip, recorded my favorite recipes, and stuck it onto my favorite spatula. One day Alice found my little invention, and convinced me to try and sell it.

A little over two months later I was signing a contract which guaranteed me forty percent of the profits, as long as I came up with at least two new recipes a month. I usually made more, seeing as how I didn't have much else to do during the day… I loved it, since I no longer had to go into an office everyday. But on the other hand, it was a lot less thrilling to steal pens from your home.

The shrill ring of my phone made me jump, and pulled me out of my day-dreaming. I picked it up quickly, and a sharp voice called out "Bella!"

"Hey Alice," I said into the phone. Alice's voice was loud and high, and seemed even more hyper and excited than usual.

"So guess what?!" She practically screamed into my ear. In my mind's eye, I pictured her bouncing around in her apartment, trying, and trying being the key word there, some of that never ending energy of hers. If I could bottle that up and sell it, there would be no more need for energy drinks. Just sip some Alice and you'll be good for hours.

_Bella! Don't think of that in a nasty way. I repeat, DO NOT think of that in a nasty way._

"What?" I asked, when I heard her 'tut' into the phone, waiting for my answer. She better not have called me to tell me about some 'fabulous new hairstyle that would make me look like I actually cared about fashion,' as she put it. Last time she did that, she ended up talking for three hours, describing every aspect of it, and as well as the rest of the magazine she saw it in. Cover to cover.

"Well, I was having lunch with Edward today…" she began, but I interrupted her.

"Who?"

"They guy who co-founded the company with Jasper." I vaguely recalled her mentioning Edward a few times. He was the co-founder of _SAILS AWAY_, their yacht and luxury boat business. It had really taken off over the past year, and a lot of celebrities had gotten married on their boats.

"I think you met him at Jasper's Christmas party last year," she explained. I thought back to that party. I had drunk d one too many glasses of wine that night, and the details were pretty fuzzy. I did recall someone named Edward, but I couldn't picture him.

"Anyway, we were at lunch, and I was thinking. What if I set you two up! I mean he's single, and cute, and you're single, and…" I cut her off before she could finish.

"No Alice. I don't want to be set up with anyone. I'm having a baby, and that's a huge enough responsibility. I don't want to have a relationship with anyone right now. Besides, remember the last guy you set me up with," I said with a bite to my voice.

"Well how was I supposed to know that he was a creepy guy that thought a PhD was a pretty huge d-."

"Alice," I interrupted again, "I do not want to go out on a date right now. I need to focus on the baby, on my friends, and nothing more, got it?"

"Fine, fine, but when you get bored of living life all alone, let me know, because I'm sure I can find someone who will keep his hands to himself and actually has a job."

"Whatever Alice, it's a no. I have to go now. I'm trying to come up with a new cookie recipe for Sir Mix-a-lot."

Alice giggled at the name, even though she was the one who came up with it. She thought it was pretty damn hilarious and she laughed, every time.

"Ok, let me know when you're done, because I want to taste them! I haven't had a good cookie in a while, and my sweet tooth is starting to get skinny. And he doesn't like diets. At all," she said.

"Fine, I will," I muttered. "Good bye Alice."

"Bye Bella!" She chirped as I hung up the phone.

I glanced back at the counter, which looked like a tornado had passed through it. There were pots and pans lying around at random, three or four different batches of dough that weren't very good strewn around everywhere. Sir Mix-a-lot was next to a horrid fifth batch and I eyed it with disgust.

A sigh escaped my lips, so quiet it almost wasn't there. I began piling the pans in the sink, and throwing away the batches of cookies. I just couldn't come up with anything good today. Hopefully tomorrow some inspiration would come.

Just as I loaded the last fork into the dishwasher, a protruding knife caught my hand. "Shit," I muttered, and started breathing through my mouth. I hated blood, especially my own. There was something about the coppery, salty smell of it that made me want to gag.

I went over to the sink and let my hand run under the cool water. That was when my conversation with Alice floated back into my head. _I'm having a baby, and that's a huge enough responsibility. _

"Shit, what if that was the baby that got cut by the knife. It could have been hurt so bad… or died!" I muttered to myself fearfully.

Yanking my hand out from under the water, I turned off the faucet frantically. I dried my hands in record time. Thankfully it was such a shallow cut, that it stopped bleeding almost immediately.

I glanced around my apartment, my eyes sticking like glue to sharp edges, protruding objects, and anything else that could potentially harm poor Jalice.

I wasn't sure what happened, but ten minutes later everything was upturned. All the sharp objects I could find were stuffed into a trash bag. My home was in ruins.

I reached shakily for my phone, trying not to look at my pigsty of an apartment. I quickly dialed the number I had received just a week ago.

"Rosalie?" I asked when the phone was picked up. A deep, booming laugh echoed through the phone.

"Na, it's Emmett. And who is this?"

"Bella?" it came out as more of a question.

He paused for a moment then called out even louder "ROSE! Phone for you!"

"You don't have to yell, god. I'm right here." Judging by the sudden muffled sound she must have grabbed the phone from Emmett.

"Hey Bella," she said. "What's up?"

"Well… the thing is, I kind of had a freak out about the baby getting hurt… and I could use some help," I whispered, embarrassed.

"Alright, do you need me to come over?"

"Um…"

"If you have to question it, I'm coming over." She said forcefully, and demanded my address. I relayed the street that my apartment was on, along with the fastest and easiest way to get there.

"No problem I'll be over, in ten." She said, and hung up. I felt instantly better. I barely knew Rosalie, but she seemed like the type of person that almost always knew what to do; someone who would take control.

Keeping my eyes shut, I tried to make my way over to the other side of my apartment. This, however, turned out to be a very bad idea, seeing as how I was clumsy enough with my eyes open and when things weren't lying randomly all over the floor. I tripped as I took my first step, and landed face first into my couch.

_Lucky I removed all the sharp objects._ I got up, and continued walking, this time with my eyes wide open. I wanted to flinch at the mess. _What the HELL were you thinking Bella?_

I sat on a chair at my kitchen table until Rosalie arrived. She did a double take at the mess.

"Ok, I thought my house was dirty," she muttered.

"Rosalie, the baby could get hurt on anything! And I just made it worse! I need to get rid of all this furniture, and only buy really fluffy stuff with no edges, just roundness. No wait, what if the baby hits its head? Okay, so we can only get stuff that is really low to the ground, and…"

I would have continued, if Rosalie hadn't brought a hand up, and with a loud SMACK, struck me across the face.

I stared at her for a moment before speaking. "Thanks, I needed that," I finally muttered.

SMACK!

"Hey, what was that one for?" I asked.

"I'm a crazy pregnant lady too; I don't know what that one was for." We both burst out laughing, and didn't stop for a long time.

"Come on; let's get this place put back together," she finally said. And together, we began to put my apartment back into place.

--

**Hope you all like the chapter! Just tell us in a review! We love reading them and I promise that I reply to everyone!**

**And come visit us at the White Gold thread over at twilighted! ;)**

So_ guys… who do you think would be the heroes and villains of the Twilight characters?_


	5. Mission: 007

**A/N**

**SWEETS: Hiya guys!! Sorry for the delay, but I got sick over the weekend and I wasn't able to finish my part of the chapter! SORRY AGAIN!!! **

**Yesterday I got a mail telling me that this story got nominated for two Shimmer awards… More to that in Shel's AN!!! **

**MEL, YOU'RE AN AMAAAAAZING BETA!! I would seriously kiss your ass, if you didn't live on another continent!! **

_Shellyfish: Thanks for all the responses from last chapter! You have no idea how much we appreciate it! _

_As always… hat's off to Mel for her fabulous beta work! She totally rocks… and the chapter is much more sparkly because of her!_

_Hey guys, someone nominated this story at the Shimmer awards!!!!! In TWO categories… 'underdog' and 'most _rememberable_ quote!' Here is the link if you want to go check it out: shimmerawards(dot)webs(dot)com. Check out the other nominees too! Voting starts July 21!!!_

_**Disclaimer: NOT MINE!! All Stephanie Meyer´s!!**_

_**

* * *

**_

White Gold

Chapter Five

Mission: 007

Edward's POV

There were at least a hundred women all strolling around, laughing, and talking to each other. And they were all pregnant.

"Edward," they all seemed to be saying. "Ed-ward!" They said even louder.

"It's your sperm that got us pregnant… This is all your fault. You're a father! And these are your children!" They were screaming now, coming towards me.

I tried to run, I really did. But they were gaining on me, all waddling faster than my panicked running. "Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward!" They were chanting as they waddled.

"EDWARD!" I woke with a start. The voice seemed to be coming from the back seat of my car. I grabbed randomly behind me, until my hand landed on something small and hard… seemed like a cell phone.

I picked it up, and discovered it was a walkie-talkie. "Hello?" I asked. _Who used walkie-talkies _anymore, unless they were under the age of ten?

"Eddie! You finally picked up! God, you took forever," the distinct voice of Emmett could be heard blaring out of the device. "Where are you?"

"I'm sitting in the sperm bank's parking lot. Weren't you supposed to be here like twenty minutes ago? And why the hell is there a walkie-talkie in my car?"

"I put it in there the day before yesterday, after you called about wanting your sperm back and wanting to make one hundred percent sure that the baby was yours," Emmett said simply.

"How did you get into my car? I haven't seen you since before I made that call!" Emmett suddenly erupted into a fit of coughing, while I rolled my eyes. I felt like a little kid again, talking into the walkie-talkie.

"So, here's the plan then! I am in a strategic location somewhere outside the sperm bank. I need you to walk straight to the doors. I will contact you once you reach them. Oh, in order to conceal our true identities, for the purpose of this mission, your name is going to be GAY_DADDY13 and I'm BIG_POPPA101. Now go, go, GO!"

"I'm not GAY Emmett!" I yelled.

"Dude, I said GO! And are you sure, I mean really? It's cool man, I don't care, whatever floats your boat."

"Emmett," I growled.

"GO!!! And it's BIG_POPPA101 to you!"

"What's up with that stupid name?? Do you want your kids to call you poppa?"

Emmett just said with pride, "No, you naïve little Eddie-poo. That's what Rosie calls my d-"

"NEVER MIND! I'm on my way."

Grumbling, I stepped out of my car and slammed it shut. I walked slowly up to the door, trying to figure out where Emmett was. He said he was in a 'strategic location', what could that mean?

As I approached the doors, I was suddenly yanked down towards the bushes on one side. Now, I have to admit, a less than manly sound may have escaped my lips… but that's not my fault! What else are you supposed to do when your idiotic brother suddenly grabs you from behind a fucking bush?

"Dude, way to be discreet, and don't think denying you're gay will help after that little scream you just made. Even Rose sounds manlier!"

I just responded with a growl.

"Ok, ok. Anyway, here's the plan," Emmett began.

"Does it involve more bushes?" I asked warily.

"No…" Emmett said, while looking away quickly.

"Emmett," I said slowly. Why had I trusted him to help me again? _Because he's the only one that knows what's going on, _I reminded myself.

"BIG_POPPA101!!!!"

"Emmett," I repeated, forcefully. "What do I have to do?"

"Just follow my lead!" He said proudly, and did a barrel roll in the opposite direction of the doors. I was actually very surprised he didn't hit his head on something.

"Come on!" he hissed, beckoning for me to follow him. With a sigh, I crawled towards Emmett. I felt _very_ foolish, and not at all like a 26 year old guy. Emmett, however, was grinning so wide I thought his face was going to split in two.

"Enjoying yourself, are you?" I asked, glaring at him.

"Of course! I haven't done something like this in forever! Last time was when Rosalie and I were playing 'dirty kidnapper' naked; that was a fun day…"

"EMMETT!!" I screamed, trying to block out the rest of what he was going to say.

"Relax!"

"No!"

"Come on, we need to do this in peace, and you can't have a stick up your ass. Now relax and have some fun, before we get to the serious stuff."

"No." I was aware that I was sounding very much like a three year old child.

"Look, GAY_DADDY13, you have to trust me, ok?" I didn't even protest at the name, what was the use?

"Fine," I mumbled. Though Emmett could be a little, um, extravagant at times, his ideas usually did work.

"Good, now on my signal, you run from the bushes, and go over to my Jeep!"

"What's the signal?"

"I don't know… hmm. How about this?" He was doing some weird thing with his hands.

"No, I don't even know what that is. How about running your hands through your hair?" I asked.

"And mess up the perfection, no way! How about just a code word?"

"So what's the code word?"

"How about 'cat', simple, classic, and easy to remember," he said with a grin.

"How is 'cat' a classic code word?"

"It just is."

"That's a great argument."

"I thought so."

"Alright, fine, 'cat' it is," I mumbled.

"Good! Now CAT!"

I sighed, got to my feet, making sure the coast was clear, and escaped from behind the bushes and over to Emmett's Jeep.

After a second I heard Emmett's heavy footsteps, so I knew he was coming right behind me.

"Alright, get in, and remember to be discreet!" Emmett said into his walkie-talkie, even though I was only about a foot away. I watched as he hunched down, snuck along the side of his Jeep, and climbed in. With a sigh, I got in on the other side.

"Now what?" I asked, confused. We were going backwards. Weren't we supposed to be going closer to the door, not further away?

"Well, since you've been here before, you'll have to be in disguise," Emmett said. I rolled my eyes.

"It's been five years, I'm pretty sure no one will recognize me."

"Better to be safe than sorry," Emmett said with a grin before reaching his hand in the back seat. "Here," he said after a minute, throwing something at me.

I held it up. There was a fake mustache and a cowboy hat.

"Really Emmett, how is this supposed to help me? And where did you get this stuff?"

"Well, the mustache is from when Rose asks me to dress up," he began. I begged that he wouldn't elaborate on that. "And the cowboy hat is actually yours!" he said smugly.

"I don't have a cowboy hat," I told him, confused.

"Remember that night of Jasper and your Christmas party? Well after you woke up in that motel room, you came to my house, and I took the cowboy hat!" He said triumphantly.

"You still haven't told me what exactly happened that night," I mumbled. I still had no memory of what had happened.

"And you still haven't gotten me Pamela Anderson's number… so fair's fair!" Emmett said.

"Why do you want the porn star's number?" I asked.

"You really have to ask?"

"True… but I don't even have her number. I just have her 'people's' number from when she got married on one of our yachts…"

"Then no trip down memory lane for you!"

"Whatever, can we just please get back to the issue at hand?"

"Fine, fine, oh, and here's your outfit," he said, handing me an all black ensemble.

"All black, really?" I asked. "You aren't wearing all black."

"I know; my outfit is in the back. Now go back to your car and change… I really don't want to see your misters," Emmett muttered.

With a shake of my head I got out of the Jeep and made my way back to my car… the bundle of black clothes, the cowboy hat, and the fake mustache in my hands.

Why did I ever agree to go along with Emmett's plan?

--

It was four minutes later when there was a light tapping on my door. I turned around to see Emmett, also dressed in all black, peering at me from the other side.

"GAY_DADDY13, calling GAY_DADDY13, can you hear me?" came his voice from the walkie-talkie. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

I rolled down my window.

"I'm right here Emmett."

"It's BIG_POPPA101 to you." He said, still speaking through his walkie-talkie.

I grabbed my walkie-talkie and shouted into it. "I'M RIGHT HERE, AND I'M NOT GAY!!" Emmett covered his ears.

"Whatever dude, just come on. By the way, that mustache suits you… maybe you should grow one. Oh, that's right, you can't, you have too much estrogen running through your veins." It took all my energy and concentration to not retort to his ramblings.

"Anyway, you need to put on the hat."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Yes."

"Ha-ha… I tricked you! You said yes!" Emmett gloated. Grumbling, I grabbed the cowboy hat and put it on my head.

"Now let's just get this over with," I muttered.

"Hi-ho, hi-ho. It's off to work we go…" Emmett began to sing merrily, but upon seeing my scowl he stopped.

"Alright, I'm going to scope the place out, you go sit over there." Emmett instructed once we got into the room. It seemed to not have aged in the past five years.

The walls were a different color, but besides that, it looked exactly the same. From the hard carpet to the plastic chairs to the pictures on the walls, there was no difference. It was kind of sad.

I watched as Emmett snuck around the place… looking like a big creep, in my opinion. A big dude wearing all black that was trying to stay hidden… yeah, that wasn't obvious at all.

I waited until Emmett was done with his 'scoping' before I even bothered to move away from the door. He came back over to me, a grin on his face.

"Ok, I got it!" he announced triumphantly. I leaned against the wall, waiting to hear this 'brilliant' plan of his.

"So, the room with all the files is over there," he pointed down a hallway off to our left. "And the sperm is kept over there," he pointed in an entirely different direction.

"Wow Emmett, I can't believe you actually figured that out, without any help or anything." I said in an amazed tone. He looked away quickly.

"There is a key hook over there, down the hallway where the sperm is kept, but the problem is the keys are hanging right next to that lady at the check-in counter." He pointed across the room.

"So here's the plan, you are going to go up there and distract the nurse, and I'll grab the keys. Once I've got them, I'll say 'cat', and we'll discreetly move towards the sperm place."

"Once there, we'll need to locate your little Eddies quickly, because the room is right next to the check-up room, and a doctor could come out of there at any second."

"Then, once we've got your swimmers, we'll head over to look for the girl's file. Next we'll go to the bathrooms, which are luckily located right next to the file room, flush the little guys away, and get the hell out of here. Any questions?" My mouth was hanging open by the time Emmett was done.

"You got all that from your scoping?" I asked.

"Uh, um… sure! Now let's go."

"How am I supposed to distract the nurse?" I asked as we crossed the room, drawing in quite a few stares. I knew that the hat was a bad idea.

"Use your man-skills, though you don't have that many."

"What?" I asked.

"Flirt with her, dude!" He said, rolling his eyes at _me._

_Yeah, because I was the one with problems, "Big Poppa"._

I walked over to the receptionist, who smiled brightly at me.

"Is there anything I can help you with, Sir?" she purred, enunciating the word Sir.

"Um, yeah, actually…" I began, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do. I glanced around me for some clue. Emmett was making his way towards the set of keys. I noticed that on the other side of the wall there was a huge map of the place, and the 'sperm room' and the 'files room' were distinctly marked.

_Yeah Emmett… great scoping._

"Yes?" The lady said with what I think was an attempt at a sexy look, but actually came out looking really strange. Not sexy. At all.

I looked down at her, trying to figure out what to say that would work.

Her pen suddenly fell out of her hand. "Oops," she smirked, bending down, giving me a view of her ass. Hmm… Maybe this was working after all.

She turned around, and on the way back up I got a nice view of her cleavage.

"Sorry about that, _Sir._" She was purring again.

"That's fine… so the other day I was listening to the news, and they were having a special on that Irish Potato Famine." I said nervously, glancing around out of the corner of my eye for Emmett, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Really?" she asked, grinning at me, and then stuck the pen she had just picked up between her teeth, going "grr".

"Um, yeah," I gulped, looking desperately around for Emmett.

She was now licking the pen.

"They were talking… about how all the im-immigrants came to America." I stuttered, watching her as she was now pumping the pen up and down in her hand.

"Really," her eyes lit up. "Because I think that's so interesting, how they just _came_ so quickly. You know, they just got in here, even though it was so _tight_," she said huskily.

_Edward, come on. You have to do this. Swallow your fear and disgust. Where the HELL is Emmett?_

"Cat, cat, cat," whispered a voice from behind me. I turned around gratefully.

"I'm sorry, I have to go… Nice chatting with you." I lied, and started to trot down the hallway.

"Are you sure you have to go? Because I can do it all night," she called as I started running fearfully down the hall.

I finally stopped when she was out of sight, and waited for Emmett to appear.

"Dude, you suck at flirting. I'm sure she could have given you some lessons," he chortled. I glared at him.

"You got the keys, didn't you? Though it took you long enough to do so," I spat.

"Yeah, sorry about that, I actually had them right after she bent down to pick up her pen, but it was fun to watch you," he said gleefully.

If looks could kill… well, Emmett would have died a long time ago. But I was about ready to claim that feat now.

"Let's go!" Emmett said excitedly.

"Fine," I muttered.

We made our way along the hallway, thankfully not getting stopped by anyone.

"Alright, the little Eddies are in there." Emmett pointed to a door on my left. He tossed me the keys, and I unlocked it with a slight click. I opened it carefully, trying not to make a sound.

"Will you move already?" Emmett asked in his booming voice, causing the whole 'quietly' thing to be ruined.

"Oh, sorry, will you please move already?" He said, in a whispering tone, when he noticed my cold look. I just shook my head. Thank god Emmett wasn't a professional thief.

When we finally got into the room, I noticed it was freezing. It seemed like we were in a gigantic freezer… which I guess we were. There were about fifteen shelves or so, all lined with tubes. I guess that's what the sperm is in. I moved through them cautiously, looking for the 'Cs". I finally located them at the beginning of the second shelf.

Emmett and I made our way along the row, until we came across file E.C. There was only one E.C., so I assumed that it had to be mine. My hand quickly closed around the tube, and I snatched it up.

"How am I supposed to hide this?" I asked Emmett, who was staring around the room.

"You could put it under your cowboy hat," he suggested. I rolled my eyes, but never the less, I took off the hat, placed the tube on my head, and placed the hat back on. It was a snug fit, but it would have to do.

"Alright, now we need to go and get the file!" Emmett said excitedly.

We made our way back along the rows of tubes, and out through the door, shutting it quietly, as I slid the key in to lock it. I passed the keys back to Emmett, who snagged them and hid them in his large fist.

Emmett led the way back out through the hallway. I had to hide behind him as we passed the receptionist, but we finally made it back through to the waiting room.

"Ok, I don't think anyone noticed us." I mumbled as we leaned against one wall, preparing for the next part of the plan.

"Phase one down, phase two to go!" Emmett said happily, starting to make his way towards the opposite hallway.

Once again, there was a receptionist at the entrance to the hallway, but her attention was occupied by a couple, so we were able to slip by her.

Emmett led the way down the hall, and finally stopped in front of a door. He unlocked the door this time, and pushed it open. I slipped inside, and Emmett did the same behind me.

"Ok, so what's the chick's full name?" Emmett asked as we glanced at all the files. There were hundreds of them.

"Isabella Swan, I believe," I muttered. I had gotten her last name off the guest list from our Christmas party.

"Alright, so 'S', let's go." He made his way over towards the end of the rows of files, with me trailing along behind him.

We stopped when we reached the section where the 'Ss' were held. I squatted down, looking for 'I.S.'

"I got it man! 'I.S.'." He read off the file. I grabbed it from his hand, and opened it up.

"Wait, there is another 'I.S.' file. Which one is it?" he asked, handing me another file.

In the file there wasn't too much personal information, except her insurance number and an address. I think that the sperm bank must keep all the files with the special information somewhere else.

I looked at the different addresses in the file before speaking to Emmett again.

"Hey Emmett, plug this into your phone," I read him the two different addresses as he typed quickly.

"Why don't you put them in your phone?" he asked as I put the files back in their places.

"I left mine in the car."

"Oh, well anyway, let's go. We still have one more stop before we can leave this joint."

This time, I led the way as we exited the room, locked it back up, and headed to the men's bathroom.

"Ok, the coast is clear." I said after checking to make sure there was no one in here with us.

I grabbed the tube of sperm out from under my hat, and set it down on the sink, wondering what exactly to do next.

"Don't you think we should say a few words?" Emmett asked after a moment of silence.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Well, these little guys have been loyal to you," Emmett began.

I rolled my eyes, but of course he had to continue. "They were tough, strong fellows. And they were happy to just be themselves, be independent, not relying on some Egg to comfort them. Though these little guys never got used, they were deeply appreciated by the staff at Sperm Bank 101, because of their dedication. They stayed here for FIVE years before deserting, and that takes COMMITMENT!!!"

He was dead serious. Not even cracking up or anything.

"They are just like someone I know." Emmett muttered under his breath, glancing up at me.

"Anyway, as I was saying, they were great little Eddies, serving dutifully. They did good, and will be missed," he added.

"Why are we doing this in the first place, why not just leave them?" Emmett asked after another moment of silence.

"I can't deal with the thought of being the father to any more babies, and not being a part of their lives," I whispered.

"Alright, and with that, we say good-bye, to this little White Gold."

* * *

(1 Week later)

Edward's POV

_You can do it, you can do it. You are a tough, strong man and what you're doing is not considered stalking; it's just research! _

For the past hour I had been sitting in my car, trying to prep myself for the task that lay ahead. One side of my brain was telling me I was being a creepy stalker and that I had no right to be in this lady's life... but the other side kept saying "Dude, this is your baby!"

Since the day that Emmett and I were at the sperm bank I had been too chicken shit to confirm the addresses and make sure that Bella Swan WAS the mother of my child. What if she wasn't? What if some weird chick used my sperm and it was only coincidence that the file Bella chose had the same quote as mine. I think I'd cry if some crazy woman like Tanya ended up being the mother of my child.

The only way to be one hundred percent sure was to find the letter she got from the sperm bank and compare the file number to mine. I had no idea how to find that letter, but somehow, it would have to work out.

_Why don't you just call Alice and ask her to look for the letter. She will understand __it__ and not judge you!_

Yeah, right. Even Emmett, my BROTHER, couldn't HELP but tease me! If Alice knew, in at least one week the whole office, no, the whole world, would know. So, suck it up, Cullen and MOVE!

With that thought I started typing the first address into my GPS system.

While driving to the address, I thought about what to do if Bella really was the mother of my child. Should I confront her immediately and be upfront with her? Or should I just try to befriend her and get involved in her life that way. If I confronted her immediately there was the danger that I would scare her away and she wouldn't even make an attempt to include me into my baby's life. I don't even have any proof that I'm the father besides a copy of my file. So I guess I had to befriend her and gain her trust first.

My GPS showed that at that moment I had arrived at the first address. I looked around and saw a pleasant neighborhood. The house in front of me was a two-story house, painted in a bright yellow color. It looked like an average house in an average neighborhood. There was a car parked outside the house, so I knew that the person would be at home...

I took a deep breath and just as I was about to exit the car, the door of the house opened and a man came waltzing out. And WHAT a man! No, WHAT a pig! The guy was FAT! He looked like he ate 5 children... And he was definitely older than 50.

Did he ju- Oh my god, did he just smell his finger after he put it in his ear?!

I was totally grossed out, but there was a slight chance that this was Bella's boyfriend, or father, or I don't know, maybe house pig?

He took the mail and went back into the house and I heard a woman's voice speaking to him. The only way to know for sure if Bella Swan was living here was to look through the window.

_You can do this, Edward. It's for your baby's sake!_

With new determination, I got out of the car and crossed the street quickly. I looked around to make sure nobody could see me, and when I was sure that the street was empty I jumped behind a bush that was situated directly under the window.

How come I always end up in the bushes lately?

Music came out of the house and my curiosity overtook me, so I looked through the window. What I saw there will be burned into my mind forever. The stupid song from this GaGa lady was blaring out of the sound system:

**Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, **

**I wanna take a ride on your disco stick**

**Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, **

**I wanna take a ride on your disco stick**

**Let's play a love game, play a love game**

**Do you want love, or you want fame**

**are you in the game? doin' the love game**

In the middle of the living room was the old man that I saw Moments before outside the house. But the worst part was that he was naked, and jumping on the couch to the rhythm of the song. I saw parts flapping that I really didn't want to see. Then a woman, who looked like a female version of the fat man, came into the room and joined him in his perverse dance. She was dressed in a weird bathing suit, like the one from Lady Gaga's video and had a can of whipped cream in her hand.

Suddenly she started spraying the whipped cream on the naked man and licking it off in rhythm to the song. As she was about to make her way south, the song ended and I heard the man squealing.

"Honey, let's play a role game! I am Harry Potter and you're Hermione Granger... Hermione, do you want to touch my magic _wand_?" he purred.

God, it was like a train wreck. It's horrible, but you can't stop looking. Just as she was about to 'use the wand', I ran back to my car. That was definitely NOT Bella! The woman was at least 40. I was about to drive away, when a school bus stopped and I saw a little African-American boy get off of the bus and head towards the house, that I had been looking at for the last 20 minutes.

Ok, now I'm sure... Definitely not my genes. I quickly got back into my car and drove away, my tires squealing.

I called Emmett. "Hey GAY_DADDY13. How goes the search for your Big Momma?" At the mention of Big Momma, I shuddered and replied. "First address was not her. Believe me."

"What happened? You sound weird?"

"Nothing. No one."

"Edward."

"Something that I don't want to bring up ever, ever again, Emmett. Ever."

I didn't even wait to hear his reply before hanging up. I wasn't sure why I thought calling him would have helped, because it hadn't. I typed in the next address and followed the GPS lady. My old high school teacher always said that the only woman a man had to listen to was the GPS lady.

Arriving at the next address, I sent a prayer to god, because I definitely didn't want a repeat of what happened at the last address.

I was about ready to get out of my car when a beautiful young woman with long brown hair walked out of the apartment building. She seemed to be on the phone with someone, a pleading look on her face, while holding a trash bag in her hands. As she came closer, I could hear her end of the conversation.

"Can you please just bring it over? Pl-ease." She waited a moment, and threw the bag in one of the large green trashcans.

"Fine, have him bring it over." She muttered crossly before snapping her phone shut. She turned on her heel and stomped back towards the building.

I really hoped that was Bella Swan… there was something vaguely familiar about her. I watched as she pranced up the steps, and didn't move my gaze until she disappeared. Definitely familiar, it had to be her.

_Man, I cannot believe that I didn't hit on her at the Christmas party. It's impossible to _ overlook_ such beauty!_

I left the car and went into the direction of her building, having no clue what to do, when suddenly the door opened again. My mind went into overdrive and I panicked. Next thing I knew I was in the trash can, all rational thought forgotten.

_I think I'm surrounded by old fish. God, I'm going to stink! _

After making sure the coast was clear, and that nobody saw me, I stepped out of the trash can and hid behind it.

"Woof-woof." I heard some high-pitched barking behind me. I jerked back and saw a rat-like dog.

"Go away, you little Satan's spawn!" Since the incident last year, I've been scared shitless of dogs. But this little rat didn't leave, no, it came closer and started sniffing me.

I let a little squeak, jumped back, and landed back in the trashcan.

"God, it can't get any worse now!" I muttered to myself. I looked around for a minute, trying to see if by any chance the letter was in here. Of course, I had no such luck, and not only did I not find a letter, I heard someone coming over to the trashcan.

"Edward, is that you?" A familiar voice asked me.

I turned around slowly to confirm my suspicions. Before me stood Jasper, trying to suppress his laughter. He took a banana peel out of my hair and threw it away with a disgusted expression on his face.

"Erm, hi Jasper. Well, you may be wondering what I'm doing in the trash, but I have a good explanation!" I started rambling.

"And what would that be, Edward?" A smug grin formed on his face. I couldn't believe what I was about to do, but before I could stop myself, I was suddenly telling Jasper everything. From the sperm donation for money, up to the horrible and perverse incident at the other address. When I was done with my story, Jasper was holding the edges of the trashcan, laughing so hard that he was crying.

"Hey, Jasper, why are you standing by the trashcan?"TTh The brown-haired goddess

asked confused, and then she spotted me and did a double take.

"And who the hell are you?" she asked, her hands on her hips.

Uh-oh…

* * *

_What did you guys think? Hope we explained Edward's reason for stealing his sperm back well enough…_

_Please review and tell us what you think!!! I promise to respond to every review with a teaser of the next chapter!!!! _

**Me too!! From now on, we hope to be able to send teasers out to every reviewer!!! **

**See ya!! **

_Shel _**& Sweets**


	6. Chapter 6 part 1

_A/N: _

_Hey guys! Sorry for the wait on this chapter. This is actually only half of chapter six, because it was getting WAY too long. So we figured that you would rather have two updates really close to each other than one in another few days…_

_Thanks go to Mel, the fabulous beta! She totally rules all!_

**Hey guys! I'm sorry that we post only half of chapter 6 but my aunt went into labor two days ago and she had an emergency c-section and now I'm at her home to help my uncle out with the two little ones, and I was not able to finish my part! But I hope that I will be able to finish it soon!**

**Love, sweets**

**

* * *

**

White Gold

Chapter 6 part 1

Mission: Cowboy Hats

Bella's POV

"And who the hell are you?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

For some strange reason, a man was standing in the garbage can next to Jasper. I couldn't see him very well, but he looked pretty handsome… for someone covered in trash.

"I, um, I'm, well…" he stuttered, looking at me from behind large green eyes. _Have you seen those eyes before Bella… no, they must just remind you of large emeralds._

"Jasper, who the hell is he?" I asked, seeing as it looked like I wasn't about to get an answer from the guy with the green eyes.

"I don't know, never seen him before in my life," said Jasper with a totally fake, cheesy smile.

"Jasper," the guy hissed.

"Fine, fine, this is a friend of mine, but I am not sure why he is in the garbage." Jasper said, evidently leading this guy on.

The green eyes shot daggers into Jasper's blue ones.

"Well, actually…" he began, but apparently he couldn't come up with a good enough excuse, because he stopped talking, and seemed to be looking around for something.

Triumphantly, he snatched something out that looked like a piece of paper.

"I lost my receipt," he explained. "And I needed it… er… for my personal records." He shot me a dazzling smile.

"Oh," I muttered stupidly. _Smooth Bella, smooth. Now he thinks you're an idiot… then again, he's the one in the trash._

"Hang on," I said, snapping out of my daze when I saw a word on the receipt. "Why did you shop at Victoria Secrets?" I asked, confused.

"Um…" said Edward, glancing at the receipt.

"Oh, it must be for your girlfriend," I muttered, embarrassed. Of course a gorgeous guy like him would have a girl, it only made sense. I mean, who can be covered in garbage, and still look like some Greek god?

"No, no, no, no, no, no," he said almost too quickly, shaking his head so fast it looked like it was vibrating.

"I don't have a girlfriend, or a wife… this was for, uh?" He gave Jasper a quick look.

"It was for Alice," Jasper said calmly.

"You know Alice?" I asked. She had never mentioned a green-eyed sexy guy.

"You know Alice?" He asked back, and I could tell be the look on his face that he was trying to solve some sort of puzzle.

"She's my best friend, of course I know her," I said, wondering what the heck he could be trying to figure out. Unless it was an escape route out of here, there wasn't much to think about.

"Right, of course," he muttered a moment later. "So that must mean you are…"

"Bella Swan," I finished for him.

Suddenly a huge smile appeared on his face, seemingly without him even knowing. "Bella," he repeated after a moment.

"Right," I nodded, confirming it. He seemed to be lost in thought. "And I never caught your name…" I said, rounding on him.

"Oh, it's Edward, Edward Cullen." He said, and his voice was much warmer and happier than before.

Where had I heard that name before…

--

_Jasper and Edward's Christmas Party, 2008_

BPOV

"Alice, it's too damn cold to get out of the cab." I argued crossly as Alice and I pulled to a stop outside of The Eclipse, a fancy hotel located in downtown Seattle. It was here that the Christmas party we were going to was being held.

"Come on Bella, it's not _that_ cold!" She sighed, stuffing a handful of cash into the driver's hand and glared at me.

"You are the one who put me in a strapless dress in the middle of December. So it's your fault I'm cold, and you're the one that should do something about it," I huffed.

"Relax Bella, we only have to walk about two steps, and then we'll be inside. And it's not my fault that the weather turned freakishly cold in the past half hour." She grumbled, and started to open the door.

The party was hosted by Alice's husband Jasper and his friend and business partner, Edmund, or something like that. We had never actually met because Alice wanted to save our meeting for a "special occasion". That basically meant that she wanted us to get drunk and hook up, and that was not going to happen. I wasn't one to get drunk. I didn't like the feeling of not knowing what was going on, the feeling of not being in control. I usually limited myself to two drinks.

"If you get out of the cab I'll go get you one of those pretty pink drinks everyone seems to like." Alice bargained, unleashing the full force of her so called 'innocent eyes' on me.

"I don't like those, they're too fruity." I muttered, giving in to her puppy dog face. I was a sucker for those faces. Basically I was just a sucker. _Nice thought Bella… a sucker. Tell that to a guy and you're golden._

"I'd prefer a scotch on the rocks."

"Sure, I can get that too." Alice agreed, and before I could say anything else, she yanked my arm and pulled me out of the car.

I had no time to even scream in protest to the raging cold, because the next second I was safely inside the comforting warmth of the building. I was just glad it wasn't snowing, but then again, by the looks of it a blizzard might've been on the way. That would be my luck.

"You owe me that drink." I said while trying to smooth out my dress. It was a deep, wine red, and Alice had apparently bought it at some second-hand store (a first for her) and fixed it up. It was gorgeous of course, even if it was a little low cut.

"Fine, come with me, the bar is over there." She once again grabbed my arm and pulled.

"You are going to dislocate my shoulder if you do that again." I told her as soon as we arrived at the bar, rubbing my shoulder with my other hand. The tiny pixie had one hell of an arm.

"Sorry," she said, though there was no apology in her voice, seeing as she had just spotted Jasper coming across the room towards her.

"Jazzy!" she said as he approached, and wrapped her arms around him.

Jasper looked at me questioningly. "We had a few drinks before we came… no, actually she had a few drinks, I prefer not to drink until after six," I told him, and he smiled back knowingly. Ever since the beer-bowling disaster of '07, as he liked to call it, I didn't drink until the evenings… Let's just say, I had learned my lesson.

"Oh," he said, hugging her back.

"Yeah, so who are all these people?" I asked, gazing around the room. There were probably over a hundred people in the large ball room, and more were arriving by the second.

"Friends, family, clients, the sort of people you're supposed to invite to these things, I guess." He said, while Alice wiggled closer to him.

"Right," I said, and gave my order to the bartender. I watched as Jasper began trailing kisses down Alice's neck.

_Get a room… oh wait, Alice said they already had one booked so they could have a little after party of their own. Sometimes that girl shares WAY too much information._

The bartender returned a moment later, and I downed my drink in a few gulps, noting that Alice was now attacking Jasper's face with her own.

"I'm going to need another." I was looking anywhere but at the happy, groping couple.

Sure, I didn't exactly have a boyfriend… I didn't need that. I was happy, for the most part. But when I had to spend the whole evening, the whole _Christmas_ evening, watching my best friend sucking her husband's face off, it made me wish I had something, or someone, to do.

My next drink arrived, and once again, I quickly gulped it down. I was now starting to feel a little light-headed. _What the hell, it's Christmas,_ I told myself, and ordered another.

A few people came over to us then, and Jasper pulled himself away from Alice for long enough to make a few introductions, before latching back onto her.

_To be young and in love… and totally gross._

By the time this was over, I was on my fourth or maybe sixth drink, and everything was slightly blurry.

_You've had enough Bella. No more drinks for you._

It was then that a gorgeous guy walked up to me. He was over six feet tall, with the wildest, reddish brown hair I had ever seen. It was almost a bronze color. He was wearing a black suit, and looked _incredibly sexy._

He turned to look at me. By the way his eyes were slightly unfocused, I could tell he was either drunk, or like me, getting pretty close to it.

"Ello poppet," said the guy with a laugh. I stared at him, trying to figure out who the hell he was. I figured I should introduce myself.

"I'm Isabella, but Alice always says I'm a tight ass because I always get mad when they call me that, so please call me Bella." I clamped my mouth shut before anymore could leak out. _Smooth Bella, smooth. And not at all creepy._

"This is Eduardo," Jasper introduced jumping into the conversation. "He is the co-founder of Sails Away, Bellsie!" he added after a moment. Apparently he had been drinking too.

"You mean you're leaving?" I asked totally confused. _But I just met Eduardo! God, I must be drunker than I thought. _

"No, no, don't worry, I'll stay here for a while." Eduardo grinned. I looked him up and down, and decided that he was totally fuckable.

"So how about some drinks then, boys," I asked, licking my lips and grinning.

"I'd rather drink you, or better, _lick_ you.... You know, some body shots?" He winked at me.

"You can definitely llv ick me later big boy, but I don't think we need any tequila for that activity."

"Alright, I'll take what I can get," he purred.

I giggled loudly, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice smirk at me. I wasn't sure what had gotten into me, because I felt WAY drunker than I had a few minutes ago. Maybe the liquor was just now finding its way into my brain.

Either way, I didn't care, and I let Eduardo lead me off to the edge of the bar, where there were fewer people.

--

"By the way, it's Edward, not Eduardo. Jasper is just being an ass," Edward not Eduardo told me, his speech slightly slurred.

"Got it," I nodded. It took several moments for the bouncing to settle down, causing me to giggle.

"So, poppet, how do you know Jasper?" Ed asked me, while ordering some drinks for us.

"Well, Alice is my best friend. And she is obviously married to Jasper! So, that's how I know him! Has anyone ever told you that you have amazing ears?" I asked fascinated.

Alice always thought that I was crazy for finding a guy's ears extremely arousing, but I don't want to date Dumbo, so sue me why don't ya.

"Ears? Erm, nooo… that's a first I think. And who said you should date Dumbo?"

"Oops, I didn't mean to say that out loud," I admitted.

"Well, _I'm_ happy that my ears make you aroused. I hope that won't be the only thing making you aroused tonight," he whispered.

Just as I was about to jump on Eddie boy and start dry humping him and his fantastilicious ears, the damn bartender came and placed down two shots. _We ordered shots… huh._

"What the hell should we do with tequila now? I was about to lick you!" I said totally irritated from the interruption.

"Well, since the mention of tequila earlier, I've been curious how your neck would taste mixed with some salt and tequila." Edward was grinning at me, an evil smile on his face.

"But we're drunk… think you can handle it big boy?" I teased, and laughed at the furious look suddenly on Edward's face.

"Trust me, I can handle a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. Now let's get this party started!" He had that damn sexy smoldering thing going on, looking at me like I was something to eat. _Mmm…_

He grabbed the first two shots, and with a quick "bottoms up," we gulped down the scorching liquid.

"Now, where were we?" He asked, his eyes sliding down my face, pausing on my lips, and then roamed back up again.

"Um, we, er, uh…" I stuttered, lost in the intensity of his gaze. I suddenly was very alert to my surroundings. And very, _very, _aware of a little situation happening in my lower half.

Never breaking contact between our eyes, he reached up and tucked a fallen piece of hair behind my ear. Just the light, feather like touch had my heart pounding, my heart racing, sending a jolt of electricity right right through me.

"So Bella, what kind of fruit do you prefer?" He asked me, his voice deep, husky, and oh so sexy.

I didn't have a chance to answer him because at that exact moment, he leaned in and placed his lips barely a millimeter away from my neck. A shudder ran through me.

I could feel the heat radiating off him, and in turn, I'm sure he felt mine.

"I asked you a question, Bella," he said in the same voice as before. It wasn't harsh, and definitely not demanding, but it was enough to make me answer very quickly.

"I'm not impartial to strawberries." I murmured so quietly I wasn't sure if any sound escaped my lips.

"What was that?" He asked, now moving his head back and forth along my collarbone, drifting lower with each pass, his lips still so close to my skin yet not close enough, until he reached where the top of my dress clung to my breasts." He then made his way back up, making sure his lips were never touching my skin, and it was a sweet torture.

"Straw-strawberries, I enjoy strawberries." I stuttered, too paralyzed and turned on to move.

_The man hasn't even fucking touched me yet and I'm already hot. What the hell???_

"Delicious, so very sweet," he agreed, and finally he made contact. His lips were like ice against my blazing skin. Yet the contact did nothing to quell the blazing, instead it acted as an accelerant, adding more fuel to the fire. The feeling was totally indescribable.

"But I actually have a preference for lemons," he continued, his mouth parting slightly, allowing his teeth to scrape slightly against my skin. _Oh my fucking god._

"Wh-why is that?" I managed to get out. His hair was now brushing against my face, and more than anything I wanted to grab it.

"They are sour yet sweet, and I found out, they go great with salt."

Picking up the two shot glasses that were now sitting on the bar in front of us, along with a salt shaker, he pulled back. I groaned, and he grinned at me, that damn sexy crooked smile of his making me want to scream.

"If you would be so obliged," he gestured towards the bar, and without even pausing to think I hopped up, and leaned back, my hot skin relishing the contact it made with the cool marble. I didn't care that there were hundreds of people in the room, some of them my closest friends, and even some family, but at that moment they weren't there. The only person I was concerned about was Edward. He was the only other person in the room.

He leaned back down, and placed a searing searing kiss on my neck, releasing his tongue for the first time on my skin. It was hot, powerful… and all I wanted to do was feel that tongue with mine, but I resisted. Now was not the time.

He shook some salt into his palm, and without any warning placed the tiny grains in a thin line, running from my left shoulder up to the other side of my neck, in a diagonal line. The action caused my breathing to quicken and I felt like I was hyperventilating.

He leaned down towards me, staring into my eyes the whole time. His tongue snuck out, and striking like a snake, he let it roam over the salt. I shivered.

His mouth trailed back down to the beginning of the line, this time being more forceful, and he licked up the rest of the salt. Then, for good measure, he licked one more time. But on this round he added sucking along with the motion of his tongue. My breathing hitched.

He grabbed the shot glass, downed it, and shook his head, causing his already disheveled hair to become even messier.

He repeated this entire process another three times, each time becoming more and more forceful and urgent with his mouth. With each grain of salt that he dropped on my burning skin, I felt myself turning into a bigger pile of goo.

He finally made it from one side of me to the other, and this time when he started letting the salt fall, he let it journey over my chin, and across my cheeks, stopping on the top of cheek bone.

He went slower than ever before, but he used the same process as before, barely there at first, then more, and finally the sucking that made me tingle in all the right places.

After doing this to the other side, he let some of the salt trail across my lips, and it took all the effort I had to not lick it off. I waited patiently, oh so patiently, as he lightly made the route from my chin, over my mouth, stopping just above my upper lip. stopping ju I groaned.

He went again, this time harder. When his mouth found mine, I almost lost it, right there. But I held on somehow, and kept my mouth tightly clamped, and he just licked the salt right up.

Breaking up his routine, he drank another shot, his head tossing around wildly. I had no idea how many he had, or even how drunk he really was. But I didn't care, at all. I just didn't want the sweet torture to end.

He leaned in once more, starting at my chin. He went almost deadly slow, and I could feel my hands clawing at my sides, trying desperately not to grab that sweet bronze hair of his and pull his lips towards mine once and for all.

But when he finally reached the spot just below my lips, he stopped abruptly, and I couldn't help by let out a whimper.

Still not speaking, he grabbed something off the counter, and started squeezing it above my mouth. From the sweet taste, I recognized it as a lemon, and I could feel the dripping juice sneak into my mouth, mixed slightly with the salt.

It was then that my brain went into overload. All the alcohol I had consumed in the past hour or so rushed to my brain, right along with the sour, sweet, salty concoction that I had just consumed.

I bolted upright, causing Edward to let out a yelp. I started laughing, and couldn't stop. I knew the moment was ruined, but at that moment, it just seemed like the funniest thing in the world.

Edward not Eduardo started chuckling with me, and suddenly we were both full out, rolling on the floor, fist pounding, knee-slapping laughing. And I had no idea why.

When I mentioned this to Edward, he just continued to shake his head from side to side.. All the while the laughter never ceased.

When the last shaky giggle finally faded away, I suddenly had an idea. My mind vaguely registering that pretty much everyone at the whole damn party was staring at us, as I grabbed Eddy's hand and took off, sprinting for the doors.

"Poppet, what the fuck?" he asked as the freezing cold hit us like a ton of bricks. I was still burning from the whole incident, I didn't even feel it; I just tried to hail a cab.

Jumping up and down, my arms flailing about everywhere, I turned to Ed and said bossily, "Oh, shut it Eduardo. I want Mexican!! Do you want some Mexican food? I could eat a whole Mexican now!! I love hot things."

Edward looked at me like I was an idiot for a moment, before bursting out laughing. "Ok, poppet. Let's get you some Mexican food." He agreed, and started jumping around with me, trying to get the attention of a cab.

After a moment of this, and failing greatly, I stopped jumping and waving, as did Edward. Sighing in defeat, we crossed the street and leaned against the brightly colored wall.

"Brr… it's cold." I commented, noticing for the first time that tiny goose bumps were popping up all over my body. A shiver passed through me.

.

"Here you go, I'm nice and warm," said Edward with a grin. He shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to me. I accepted it gratefully, noticing that the white shirt he was wearing was pretty thin. I was about ready to comment on it, when a waft of Edward's scent came off of his jacket.

It was delicious. Like salt, and tequila, and lemon… and girl. Hmm, wonder who he had been with. I was about to allow the jealousy to take over when I spotted that damn goofy grin on Edward's face.

"What?" I asked quickly, wondering if he had noticed my sniffing.

"Nothing, I just felt like smiling," he said, leaning closer and putting an arm around me.

"Cool," I said, because it seemed like an appropriate thing to say. I leaned into the tall, bronze haired boy, letting the alcohol in my brain lead my actions.

Without a second thought, I pulled away, and started dancing with some revolting moves around him and singing in a high pitched, sultry voice, "BOOM CHICA WOW WOW! Do you use AXE, smelly boy?"

Eddie laughed so hard after I began my little dance that I had to stop for a moment. His laughter spurred mine to resurface, and we were both laughing heartily.. I started dancing again, and this time he joined in, doing the Boom Chica Wow-wow dance together. It was a beautiful sight.

--

"Hey Eddie?" I asked a moment later, when we stopped to catch our breaths.

"Yeah Bellie?" he answered, looking at me with a twinkle in his clouded eyes. I wondered for a moment just how many drinks we had consumed, but I decided that it didn't matter I had a more pressing matter.

"We need Mexican," I declared, still not over my craving from earlier.

"Yes, I agree. But where are we going to get Mexican at," he paused to check his watch. "Can you read a watch, because all the numbers are fuzzy to me."

I leaned over and grabbed his arm, twisting it so that I could read the numbers. But it was all a big blur.

"No, I can't!" I decided, giggling.

"You know who can't read clocks?" He asked, all serious.

"Who?" I wondered, intrigued.

"Cats," he responded, completely straight-faced.

"Really," I looked up at him and saw him nodding his head resolutely. "Well then, meow!" I said loudly, and erupted into laughter.

"Mew, mew, mew!" Edward purred.

"That's the sound baby cats make, smart one. Are you trying to sound stupid and make a fool of yourself?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips.

He hung his head. "No professor, teach me how to do it, please, oh great one!" He begged, getting down to his knees, and taking the bottom of my dress in his hands.

"Fine, but you must promise to obey me," I commanded, stepping back.

"Oh I will, great one." He said nodding his head so forcefully he looked like some bobble-head on crack.

"Alright, if you promise, young one. Now, start with a long MMMMEEEE sound, nice and big, exactly!" I praised, while he practiced.

"Ok, now we must practice the OOOOWWW part. This is essential, very crucial, you understand. Make it softer than the mmeee, but still powerful." I instructed.

"Meow, meow, meow," Edward repeated back to me.

"Perfect! Just splendid! That was worthy of a gold star!" I said proudly to my pupil.

"Really, great! My parents will be so happy. I would like to thank them. Along with my brother Emmett, because without them, I would have never made it this far..." he began his speech, but I cut him off.

"OK, enough, you are good, but _not_ that good."

"Really, I think I'm awesome!" He said, sticking out his chest.

"Meow," I challenged.

"Meow," he called back.

"Meow."

"Meow."

"Wow," I said in wonder, for his last one had been utterly perfect.

"And so the student has surpassed the master," he said somberly. I nodded, at a loss for words.

"I thought we were looking for a Mexican place?" he asked, breaking through the silence.

"Oh yeah!!" My words came rushing back to me.

"Now where should we look?" I asked, gazing around.

There was the hotel, still across the street. To the right was traffic, just as there was to the left.

I turned to look behind me. There was the brightly colored wall again. I noticed for the first time that there was some sort of mural on it. It appeared to be of some Mexican landscape. Like that was helpful, it just made me hungrier.

"Hmm, I don't see one anywhere! How sad, I was so craving a taco right now. With meat, and cheese, and lettuce, and…" Edward cut off my rambling.

"Do you hear that?" He asked, a funny expression coming over his face.

"What?" I asked loudly.

"SHH!!"

"Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to be loud!"

"SSHHH!"

I shut up for a moment, and heard a male voice somewhere in the distance. "Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad… We want to wish you a Merry Christmas, we want to wish you a Merry Christmas, from the bottom of our heart!" he sang.

I turned to Edward excitedly.

"Do you think?" I asked.

"A karaoke! I have always wanted to go to one, but I have always been too scared!" he said excitedly.

"What no, I thought… wait! A karaoke, that could be fun, we'll have to check that out later. But I was talking about that guy singing… it was probably a Mexican restaurant!" I yelled.

"That thought hadn't even crossed my mind! You think?" he asked.

"I know!" I said confidently, and grabbed his arm. "Come on!! This way!" I said, leading him to the left, in the direction of the voice.

We walked along the sidewalk for a few minutes all the while Eddie was singing something under his breath. It sounded like some country song, but I could think of the name, so I just let him be.

We finally found the entrance, and, sure enough, it was a Mexican restaurant called 'La Tia'. From what I remembered of my high school Spanish, I was pretty sure that meant 'The Aunt,' but who was I to question it?

We waltzed into the building, me laughing at the name, and Eduardo still singing.

"Yes, we would like a table for two please!" I yelled, hoping that he could hear me. There was some sort of buzzing sound going on, but I couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

Suddenly a piece of colorful fabric caught my eye. It was striped, in all bright colors. "It's beautiful," I muttered, my mouth hanging open.

"What?" Edward asked, finally ceasing his singing and turning to look at me.

"That. It's like Moses' Technicolor dream coat," I said, still in awe.

"Actually, it wasn't Moses', that's…" the guy at the front desk tried to tell me, but Edward cut him off.

"Who cares, it's pretty. Ha, ha, ha, that's a funny word. Pretty. Pre-tty. Pret-ty. No matter how you say it, it's still funny. Bella, Bellsie, you have to try saying it!" He laughed, but I was no longer paying attention.

"Oh dream coat, mighty dream coat. Wondrous, marvelous, dream coat." I said, walking up to stroke the pretty item.

"It's a poncho, actually, Miss," said the man quietly. I think he was scared of Edward.

"Poncho," I repeated. "Well, king of all the ponchos, I bow down to you, and your mightiness. Who am I, but a mere mortal, that is allowed to see you?"

"Yes, king of ponchos!" Edward agreed, and came over to me. In unison, we started bowing down to the Poncho King. How were we worthy of such an honor?

"Miss, Sir, if you would like to be seated?" the man said nervously.

"Fine!" I huffed, and grabbed Edward, so that we could follow the man. But I never took my eyes off the King Poncho. It revealed itself to us for a reason; it must want us to use it somehow.

"Hello, I'm Ted and I'll be serving you tonight, is there anything I can get you?" asked a boy as we sat down.

"Ted, you have a mustache." I giggled, with one eye still on the poncho.

"Ted, can't you tell that we want things! Things, you cannot give us! We want to celebrate life, and all of its joys! All the amazing things of it, like that King Poncho over there. Do you understand?" Edward was now leaning in close to Ted, who looked very frightened.

"Got it, but is there anything off the menu…" he suggested.

"EVERYTHING!" I shouted.

"Yes, everything!" Edward echoed.

"Right, let me just… go and, er… work on that," Ted said, and ran off.

"Well he scares easy." I muttered, grabbing a handful of chips from the table behind us. I think the couple there shot me a dirty look, but that didn't matter, for at that time the King Poncho spoke to me.

"Bella… Bella! Come and rescue me!" It said in a slow, deep voice.

"Ok!" I agreed, and grabbing Edward's hand, took off for the poncho.

"Wait, what are we doing? Oh well… weee!" Edward shouted, and came along with me.

"We are trying to be stealthy." I whispered, crouching down behind one of the empty tables.

"Right, stealthy!" Edward shouted. It was my turn to shush him with a giggle.

"Now come on!" I said, and rolled over behind another table.

"Righty oh!" He exclaimed, and followed my lead.

Being extremely stealthy, attempting to avoid being seen by any of the other patrons, we managed to make our way back towards the entrance. I got up quickly, snatched the poncho from the desk it was laying on, and laughing, Edward and I ran towards the street!

--

"I'm still hungry," I decided a few minutes later. After running for our lives from the Mexican place, we arrived at some corner, and I had no idea where we were. It was exhilarating.

"Didn't we just eat?" Edward asked, confused.

"No, they never delivered our food. Terrible service, and those people were very inpatient." I said.

"Bastards," Edward acknowledged.

"So where are we going to eat?" I asked, hoping he had a suggestion.

"We could go in there." He suggested, pointing towards some sort of restaurant across the street.

"That works!" I yelled laughing for no apparent reason, and we skipped towards the building.

"Chicken wings!!!" I shouted excitedly, pointing to one lady's plate as we entered the room. She looked at me, sending a nasty glare in my direction, and then turned her back on me.

How rude. Honestly, some people really didn't know how to behave in public places.

"Let's sit!" Edward shouted, and we made our way over to the table. There were peanut shells all over the floor.

"You need to hire a cleaning crew!" I shouted to no one in particular.

"They do! This mess is outrageous!" Edward agreed.

"Preposterous!"

"Revolting!"

"Scandalous!"

"A riot, I tell you!" Edward finished.

"Agreed!" I shouted, banging the glass of water that had suddenly appeared on the table.

"So now what?" I asked. Our rant was over, and honestly, I was getting kind of bored and sleepy.

"Well… we could, um…" Edward began, but just then I spotted something that made me squeal.

"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!!!" I was shaking with excitement; the poncho that I had clasped in my hands nearly falling to the ground.

"What?" He asked, impatient that I had interrupted his study of looking at the fork.

"Look at that." I said, pointing.

His head turned, and immediately he stood up.

"What the hell are we sitting around for? There is a mechanical bull sitting right across the room from us!!!" He yelled excitedly.

I rose to my feet as well.

"I know!" I shouted.

This time it was his turn to grab my hand and pull me towards the object that held our momentary fascination.

We walked up to the mechanical bull, and I stared shamelessly. I had never ridden one before, but it seemed like it could be fun.

"You know, I was once a champion fake bull rider." Edward bragged, a totally fake southern drawl coming out of his mouth.

"Sure you were, sure."

"It's true, I went to the state fair one time, and was in this competition for mechanical bull riding, and I won."

"How maybe people were there in the competition?"

"Two."

"One being you?" I asked.

"Yeah," he admitted.

"And the other was…"

"Alice."

"I see."

"But I still won, and I have my ribbon and everything!"

"Sure, sure, but I don't think that you could beat me," I challenged.

"Really, I think I could," he retorted.

"Oh yeah," my unfocused eyes tried to stay trained on Edward, but they kept wandering away.

"Come back little eyes…" I muttered, trying to get them to see straight.

"You're on." Edward said, that damn smile back on his face.

"Oh look, a peanut!" He said randomly, and picked it up off the floor. He popped it into his mouth, but after a moment, he spit it back out again.

"Not a peanut?" I guessed, laughing uncontrollably again.

"Nope!" he managed to get out before he started to laugh.

Suddenly I fell on my butt. _Butt's a funny word…butt, butt! Ha, ha, ha, ha…_

"Whoa, are you okay?" I asked him, hoping he was alright.

Fine, I'm fine. But I am about ready to beat you in a mechanical bull riding," he slurred. I nodded thoughtfully.

"So what does the winner get?" I asked.

"Integrity, dignity!" he decided.

"Something more than that… something funny,"

"Like what?"

"Hmm… how about the loser has to stand outside wearing the poncho, singing," I exclaimed.

"What song?"

"Hmm… what's a good one?" he asked, scratching his chin. "Oww!" he yelled a moment later, having scratched himself.

"How about 'Ducks like Rain'!" I suggested. I vaguely remembered how it went from my childhood.

"I don't know that one," Edward admitted.

"It's really easy… it's just 'quack, quack-quack-quack-quack, quack, quack-quack-quack-quack… ducks like rain, ducks like rain, quack, quack-quack-quack-quack'!" I explained.

"Seems simple enough," Edward finally said, bouncing his head up and down.

"Right, but it's not raining!" I frowned, looking outside.

"But it's snowing!" Indeed, when I looked outside, there were little white flakes floating down to the ground.

"Let's build a snowman!" I shouted, all excited.

"We have to ride the bull first, Bellsie. Remember?!" He said, sounding like a five year old.

"Oh yeah!" I had totally forgotten about the bull.

"Alright, you go first!" he said.

"No."

"Yes."

"No, you!"

"Fine, I'll go first… wimp!" Edward muttered, and climbed into the ring where the bull was situated.

I noticed that there were people standing around the ring for the first time. They all had an eager expression on their faces… I wondered what was going on.

"Ride 'em cowboy!" One guy shouted as Edward climbed onto the bull. Oh, that's what was so exciting. I hoped I'd win!

As it turned out, Edward sucked. Like really bad. I think the counter thing reached exactly four seconds before he toppled over.

"Eddie!" I shouted, jumping over the ring thing and over to him.

"Are you okay?" I asked, hoping he wasn't hurt.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Edward nodded, but he looked pale and a little green, so I moved him over to the side of the ring.

"My turn!" I announced, and climbed onto the bull. The guy who was running it nodded to me, and I nodded back, a big-shit grin on my face.

"Ready!" I announced, and he punched the button.

Automatically, the bull came to life: snorting, stamping its foot, and shaking. I took the reins with one hand, and with the other I waved to the crowd.

"WEEEE!!!!" I shouted a moment later. I still hadn't fallen off, and I was having fun!

People in the crowd were starting to chant my name even! "Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella!" I wasn't exactly sure how they found out my name, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward chanting, and I knew he started it.

"WOOOOO!" I shouted once more, and I felt something land on my head.

I looked up, and discovered that it was a cowboy hat! Cool.

After another minute of fierce riding, the bull started to slow down, and the chanting turned into cheers.

"I won!" I yelled triumphantly.

"Fine," Edward grumbled. He picked up the poncho off the ground where I had left it.

"I'm ready!" He said, putting it on over his clothes.

"No way, I won, and I say you also have to take off all you clothes, and then put the poncho on!" I shouted, still running on the adrenaline from the bull ride.

"Fine, fine, but what about my misters, they need to stay safe," he said in all seriousness.

"Alright… how about this. You have to put on girl's underwear!"

"No way."

"Your misters…" I reminded him.

"Fine."

"You better take yours off, because I don't know where else I'll get them." He muttered, glaring at me, but still with a grin on his face.

"No way!" I said, using his earlier words.

"Then where am I going to get some?" he whined.

"How about from her?" I said, pointing to some strawberry blond, who was sitting at the bar, drinking one of those fruity pink drinks.

"Alright," he said, and walked over to her. I watched as he started to talk to her. She seemed very pleased by his attention.

I snuck closer to them, wanting to hear what they were saying.

"So, can I borrow your underwear, Tanya?" He asked, getting straight to the point.

"Um, er…" she stuttered, obviously startled.

"Please?" He asked, unleashing the full force of his eyes on her.

"Sure," she breathed, and headed towards the restroom.

"Yeah, go Eddie!" I said, coming over and giving him a high five. He bowed modestly.

"Here… my number's on the back of them," she whispered. Edward just nodded, and I handed him the poncho, and he took off to the restroom.

"Hi!" I said brightly. The girl, Tanya, just glared at me.

Edward returned with the brightly multi-colored poncho hanging down to his knees. He smiled brightly.

"And the final touch!" I said, placing the cowboy hat on his head. "Perfect," I muttered, and we made our way to the door.

"Ready?" I asked. He nodded. "Then run up and down the street, singing!" I instructed, and Edward took off.

I let a yawn escape me… "I'm tired." I told no one in particular.

I walked over to a nearby table and sat down, putting my head on the wooden surface.

Thinking that I would just close my eyes for a little while, I got comfortable as everything faded to black…

* * *

_Thanks for reading! Please let us know what you think… we promise to respond to every review with a teaser of the next chapter!_

_**And White Gold is now also on Twilighted and Livejournal. If you prefer to read it there, go to my profile and there are the links!! **_

**Love, Sweets & **_Shellyfish_


	7. Chapter 6 part 2

a/n:

_Hey guys! Sorry for taking forever to update, I've been out of town, and now I'm in the process of getting ready for college, while Sweets is moving… so we've been busy! But hopefully we'll be able to get more constant updates going._

_Let's see, news:_

_This story was nominated at the Twilight All Human Awards for best comedy. Voting is now until the 25th. PLEASE go vote, if you think we deserve to win!_

_It was also nominated at the Cullen Coven Awards for best comedy, and voting starts later this week! Please be sure to stop by and vote!_

_We also received runner up at the Golden Chocolate Awards for best fluff. Thank you to everyone who voted!_

_Links to all three will be on my profile!_

_Oh, and Thanks Mel, the best beta in the world, for making the chapters so much better and easier to read! She seriously is awesome!_

_One last thing, sorry for not replying to the reviews of last chapter, like I said, I was gone. But if you review this chapter I'll be sure to send you a reply with a teaser for the next chapter!!!!_

**HELLO!! Long time no see! ;) Sorry for the long wait… I´m feeling bad enough about it!! This chapter was a little hard to write and I swear I deleted and re-wrote my part at least 5 times!!! Anyway, as Shel has already mentioned, I´m moving!! (Not only is my new apartment much bigger, but also closer to campus, less pricey and I don't have any weird naked guys as neighbors… I swear, my neighbor could have been ugly naked guy from Friends!!!! YUCK)…. Ok, I´ll stop the rambling now and let you read the new chapter!! **

**Don't forget to VOTE!! :D**

**Love, Sweets**

**

* * *

**

White Gold

Chapter 6 part 2

Mission: Delicious Cookies

--

Edward's POV

I stuck out my hand, waiting for her to take it, but she seemed to be in a daze. I swung my hand back awkwardly, looking like a damn pendulum.

She looked at me again, her eyes clear once more, and focusing right on me. "No," she whispered, apparently mortified.

Did I have food in my hair, or was there something stuck in my teeth?_ Oh god Edward, pull yourself together man. You AREN'T a teenage girl talking to your crush._

"Um," Jasper looked between us once more, then at Bella, who was having some sort of panic attack, and went over to her side. "Are you okay, Bella?" he asked her calmly.

She shook her head yes, but her face said otherwise. It had turned paler, even paler than it was before, if that was even possible. And her soft brown eyes were like saucers. She looked like she had just seen a ghost.

"Oh, my, god." She breathed, and then, without warning, she started screaming at the top of her lungs. "SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!"

"What is it? You're really starting to scare me," I muttered, reaching out to pat her shoulder, in what hopefully came off as a reassuring gesture.

"Don't touch me, Eduardo!" she screeched. Suddenly Jasper burst out laughing. Both Bella and I turned to look at him.

"Sorry, but I only know what happened at the bar, seeing as you left after that, but it was fun-ny!" He chuckled at my confused face.

I turned to Bella, wondering if she was in the same boat I was, the boat of confusion, but she wasn't. She was glaring at me!

"What, I have no idea what you guys are talking about!"

"Sure you don't, sure." Bella cursed under her breath.

I looked at her. Was it possible that it was her pregnancy hormones at work once more? I heard that pregnant women had pretty dire mood swings, but that wasn't supposed to start until later in their pregnancy.

Wait, but Jasper knew too. Were they playing some kind of joke on me? Was I being Punk'd?

No, it didn't seem like it. I turned from Jasper's amused expression to Bella's icy stare, and knew this was no joke.

"I honestly, have no idea what you are talking about," I repeated.

"Oh, don't you dare act so innocent, Mr. Tequila-licking-hot-bar-scene-meowing-stranger!!!" she screeched at me. "We were _so_ wasted!" she added, putting an emphasis on 'so'.

I glanced at Jasper, but he was determinedly looking in the opposite direction, trying to hold in his laughter but failing big time, as I could see his shoulders shaking. So I turned back to Bella.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I've licked tequila off of you," I said as politely as I could. _Maybe she is a little bit crazy, because I've never licked tequila off anybody, let alone her!_

"Oh, yeah, sure, keeping playing the forgetful gentleman. How's this for jogging your memory. Christmas Party, last year, poppet, meowing, Mexican, FUCKING BULL RIDING AND A DAMN PONCHO, THE COWBOY HAT, AND THAT GIRL'S UNDERWEAR!!!!!"

She was screaming now, and honestly, I was a little scared.

_Shit, how do I tell her I don't remember the Christmas party, at all! Nothing comes to mind when I think about that night. _

"I'm sorry, but-" I stopped mid-sentence. If she knew what happened, she could tell me!

_Way to think fast, Edward old pal. Wait, Edward old pal?? What am I, an old English guy?_

"Speaking of that night, think you could recap the events for me?" I asked, trying to use my husky voice. But it just sounded weird and child-like. She looked at me for a moment, and for a split second it looked like it worked. Until-

"No Fucking way Cullen! This is good." She was laughing so much now, that I could barely understand what she had said. She was so tickled that she was leaning on Jasper for support.

I turned to him, but he had this smug look on his face. Bastard.

"Bella, please, we didn't kill anyone or anything, did we?" I pleaded, looking her in the eyes.

She was silent, seeming thinking, but then her face turned into a big, Chesire-cat grin that fell just as quickly as it had appeared.

"How do you know my name?"

I paused for about three heartbeats.

"You already said it, remember." I tried to look confident.

"Alright, well, in that case, Eduardo, listen closely. I am never going to tell that story, EVER, as long as I live. No one will know, not a soul," she grinned evilly.

"I'm going to have to write this one down, so I will have it for later in my life. Lock it up maybe." I couldn't tell if she was kidding or being serious. What the HELL did we do?

"Anyways, would you boys like to come in for a drink?" she asked. "My friend Rose is coming by, and so is her husband, I think. Maybe we can have Alice come too? That would be a nice little party." She smiled.

"Um, sure," I said. This was not looking good…

--

"Here you go." Bella happily put a bundle of clothes in my hands that apparently used to belong to her dad.

"Thanks," I said gratefully, and I allowed her to guide me up the steps and into her bathroom.

"Now, I usually don't let men use my shower, but most men I know usually don't show up covered in garbage," she said with a laugh.

I smiled sheepishly. "I needed to make my entrance with a bang, you know." _Good job Edward, confident, yet nice reply. Things are looking up._

"You certainly did, both times." She smiled, looking somewhat embarrassed. _And now we're right back down._

"Well, I promise I'll be out soon. Unless you want to spend some time thinking of me in the shower…" I asked her seductively.

_Where the HELL did that come from? Now she must think you are some kind of pervert._

She blushed though, and I knew as she checked out my body for a fraction of a second, she was thinking about it too.

Score one for Edward! Woo!

"I'm, just, uh, going to go downstairs. Towels are in that cabinet over there," she pointed to the far end of the bathroom. "And if you need anything else, just holler."

Cheeks still tinted red, she left and I heard her prance down the stairs. Then there was a loud noise, as if someone fell down. Seconds later I heard Bella yell, "I'm good, I'm ok. I'm fine!! Just tripped over… over air!!"

I shut the door more securely, and turned on the shower. I peeled off my fish smelling clothes, and wadded them into a ball on the floor.

Stepping into the hot water, I couldn't help but think about the fact that this was where Bella took her showers… naked. _Edward, stop thinking that way. You are NOT a pervert! But you are still a man, and one that hasn't gotten laid in a while, no less._

_NO! Stop thinking like that. Bella, if she IS the mother of your child, needs to be a friend. Just a FRIEND!!!_

While the battle raged on in my head, I scrubbed my body, washing off the fish smell, before turning off the faucet and stepping out, reaching for a towel.

I quickly dried off, shook my hair out, and stepped into the jeans and FORKS POLICE sweatshirt that I was given to wear.

I wandered out into the hallway, wondering how exactly I would figure out if she was the mother of my child.

Just then I saw a door ajar at the end of the hallway. Feeling like an ass, I stepped into the room, and shut the door quietly behind me.

_This is soo wrong._ I told myself repeatedly as I gazed around the room. It was painted in a light blue color, and had white furniture. The bedspread was in a darker shade of blue than the walls. I would bet that Alice had something to do with the design.

Looking around the room, my eyes fell upon Bella's bedside table, and more specifically, the stack of letters that sat on it.

I wandered over, and picked up the top one. It was a bill. The next one was from a lady named Renee. The third was from Sperm Bank 101.

BINGO! This had to be it. Glancing behind me to make sure the door was still closed, I grabbed the letter. Thankfully the seal was already torn, so I could read it without raising suspicion.

Unfolding the letter, I read:

_Dear Ms. Swan:_

_Thank you for your participation and cooperation with Sperm Bank 101 "Our Sperm, your enjoyment"©. We are glad you chose us for your sperm needs._

_We hope that the file you chose, E.C. file number 15489, has been the right choice. We would appreciate it if you filled out the following survey and send it back to us in the enclosed envelope as soon as possible!_

_Thank you and have a nice day._

_-The Staff at Sperm Bank 101 "Our Sperm, your enjoyment"©_

_PLEASE COMPLETE THE FOLLOWING SURVEY_

_Name (optional):_

_Age:_

_Reason for picking Sperm Bank 101"Our Sperm, your enjoyment"© as your sperm provider:_

_How helpful were the staff members in assisting you with your selections:_

_When selecting your sperm, what attributes did you consider:_

_On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the quality of the sperm you selected:_

_In 100 words or less, please describe what the following terms bring to mind:_

_Sperm:_

_Donator:_

_Baby:_

_For future clients who would like to use our sperm, please tell us what Sperm Bank 101 "Our Sperm, your enjoyment"© can do to make the selection process better and more enjoyable:_

_Thanks again, from Sperm Bank 101 "Our Sperm, your enjoyment"©_

By the time I was done reading the letter, I was laughing so hard my sides were hurting. Asking what sperm brings to mind, what kind of place is this? I guess that's what I get for picking an ad out of one of Emmett's pornos.

And the motto, _"Our Sperm, your enjoyment"©, _was plain freaking hilarious.

Still chuckling, I folded up the letter, and placed it back inside the envelope.

_Well, now you know you are the father of her child. OH MY GOD! _

I sat down suddenly feeling a head rush. What was it called when you feel overwhelmed? _Well for one they call it feeling overwhelmed._

I let myself fall against her bed, my head in my hands.

"Ouch!" I muttered suddenly, when I felt a small, hard object just beneath my lower back. Sitting back up, I pulled it out from under the light blanket that was folded neatly on top of the bedspread.

What the hell was it? It was a long, smooth object, with a rounded point on one end, and it was flat on the other end. An ovalish shape.

Fuck.

A sex toy.

Double Fuck.

Bella Swan had a vibrator.

I picked it up to examine it more, but somehow it got caught on my watch.

I swung it back and forth, but it still wouldn't budge.

Suddenly there were footsteps coming up the stairs. And before I could even think what to do with the vibrator on my watch, the door burst open.

"What the hell, Edward? What are you doing in my room? I thought I told you clearly where the bathroom was!" A furious Bella was standing at the door screaming at me. I hid the sex toy and my watch hurriedly behind my back so that she couldn't see them. That was really the last thing I wanted her to see.

_Good job Edward! You want to get on her good side but first she finds you in the trash with the receipt of a woman's lingerie shop, and now she finds you snooping around in her room. Last thing you need was her finding out that you were touching her sex toys! I will never get to see my child! Oh my god, she will sue me and I'll have to go to prison...Oh no… I don't want to be raped!!!!_

Panic was written all over my face as I tried unsuccessfully to get my watch off my hand behind my back.

"Well Bella, I just came out of the bathroom and I was just on my way downstairs when I saw...." I looked frantically around the room for something I could use. Then I saw a guitar in the corner and in the same moment my watch opened and I stuffed it and the vibrator under the sweatshirt.

"... THE GUITAR! You know, I love music and I love to play the piano although I'm horrible at it! And when I saw the guitar, I was really fascinated by it. I recognized it as a _Ramirez_, which are really expensive nowadays_,_ and I just wanted to see which one this was! I hope you're not too mad at me."

God bless my mother for forcing me to take that stupid music class.

I looked at Bella and saw that she now had a smile on her face. "Yes, that is a Ramirez! I got it from my mother when she visited Spain with her fiancé. I would love to learn how to play it but I haven't had the time yet. I'm surprised that you recognized it. And I'm even more surprised that you play the piano. Will you play for me one day?" she asked with a hopeful look on her face.

"Bella, I'm really not good at the piano. I made my piano teacher cry, I'm that bad!"

"Well, I think you are just being modest. When we get to a piano you'll play something for me and then I'll be the judge. Now come on downstairs. You can help me bake cookies, since everyone is coming over."

With that she turned around and left the room. I let out a huge breath. Never in my life was I that nervous. Now I just had to get that stupid toy off of me and then everything would be ok. I took my watch and the toy out of my sweatshirt and tried to untangle them.

"Oh, I forgot t-..." I quickly looked up to see Bella standing frozen in the room, looking at my hands.

"I can expl-"

"Oh my god Edward, I'm soo sorry. I could have sworn that I put it back! I'm so so so so so sorry! Please don't tell anyone about it! Here let me help you." I just stood dumbfounded in the room and watched as a blushing Bella managed to get my watch free.

"God, this is so embarrassing! I swear normally I put things like this away before anyone comes over." Her face was bright red, and her eyes were huge.

"No problem Bella. Let's just forget it and go downstairs," I muttered as calmly as I could.

"Thank you, Edward." With that she turned around and nearly ran out of the room. I had to say that I've never seen a woman blush that hard but it was quite cute. If our baby ended up being a girl, I hoped she gets that adorable blush. Not only would she look like her mother, but I would know when she was lying and so I could keep her from dating until she was 20!_ I'm going to be a great dad._

With that thought I made my way downstairs. Just as I was entering the kitchen Jasper asked me silently behind Bella's back if I found the letter. I nodded to him and showed him an OK sign. He pointed again at me, then at Bella's tummy and I nodded again.

I was about to ask him silently when Alice was coming when Bella turned around and asked us if we wanted coffee.

"No, thank you," Jasper and I answered simultaneously. She just shrugged and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"So Edward, you seriously can't remember anything about the Christmas party?" she asked, looking slightly uncomfortable.

I was just about to answer, when I realized that pregnant women shouldn't drink coffee. I watched in slow motion as she was about to take a sip when I leaped her way and knocked the cup out of her hands. Bella stood frozen in place, looking at her cup of coffee that was now shattered in little pieces all over the floor.

"What is your problem, Edward? Do you have something against my cup?? Or coffee?? I barely even know you, and here you are, breaking my damn coffee mug?" She asked me angrily while crouching down and collecting the pieces of the destroyed cup.

"I'm sorry Bella! But are you nuts? You know that pregnant women are NOT supposed to drink coffee! You have to think and look out for ou-, your child!"

Bella quickly sat up straight and looked at me with a shocked face.

"How do you know that I am pregnant?" She quirked an eyebrow at me and put her hands on her hips.

_Uh-oh, the typical don't-fuck-with-me-or-I-make-s'mores-out-of-your-nuts look. NOT GOOD!_

"Erm, you know how it is. News travel fast and, you know, with both of us being good friends with Alice, she might have mentioned occasionally something about a good friend named Bella who was pregnant and I assumed it was you, since Alice only has one friend named Bella. I'm sorry if I insulted you and it's not you."

_Smooth, Cullen. Now pull out the puppy dog face and she is pudding in your fingers. _

I put on my best hurt puppy look and Bella seemed quite dazed. That meant that my plan had worked. And I was out of the dog-house!

"No, no. You're right. I am pregnant. It just surprised me and I hadn't thought about Alice. And yes, you're right that a pregnant woman should not drink coffee... That's why I drink it without caffeine." She gave me an amused look and crouched down again to pick up the rest of the destroyed mug.

_Well I feel smart. _

After we finished cleaning, Bella starting making what I assumed were the cookies. I hung back with Jasper, not exactly the cooking type. To be honest, I can't even make toast without destroying the whole kitchen. Don't ask me how I do it, but my mother forbid me to step foot into her kitchen again.

She took out some contraption that seemed familiar. Along the side it said Sir Mix-A-Lot.

"OH! That's where I know you from. You are the inventor of that cooking thing!" I said, smacking my forehead. She just stared at me, while Jasper looked away awkwardly.

"Oh, a gay baby is being born," I blurted out stupidly.

"WHAT?"

"You know, every time there is an awkward silence, they say a gay baby is being born."

This earned no response, and Bella was looking at me very strangely.

"Not that your baby is going to be gay. Not at all, don't worry about that! I'm sure it will be a normal, heterosexual child. Well, not normal, I mean it will probably be extraordinary, but-" I looked at Bella hopefully, but she just burst out laughing.

"Alrighty then," Jasper said, whistling quietly.

"Do you need help with the cookie dough?" I finally asked, as Bella started once again to get ingredients out.

"That would be nice." She smiled, and I walked over to her, noting that Jasper stayed where he was, seemingly at ease about the whole thing.

Bella began taking out the weirdest ingredients, but who am I to judge a cook. When she took out pickle juice, I started to freak out a little bit and prayed to god that the cookies would burn.

There was a loud knock on the door and a minute later Alice came into the kitchen and greeted us all in an overly happy fashion.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" she asked me with a smug look on her face.

_HA, as if you were the matchmaker. Not this time, pixie. Blame it on my sperm._

"I came over here with Jasper, Alice. Now stop looking like that or you won't get any cookies." I snickered to myself as I saw her horrified expression. I couldn't wait to see her face AFTER she tasted the monster cookies, as I was calling them now. Bella took out some olive oil and mixed it with the pickle juice in a bowl where the cookie dough was.

"Edward, please get the cinnamon and chocolate out of the refrigerator," she instructed after greeting Alice.

After I took the ingredients out of the refrigerator, I started mixing the dough. It stank like hell! I should have taken the shower after I helped Bella cook. It was quite a miracle to me, that Bella made money with her recipes. I wouldn't even feed my cat something like that. If I had a cat...

Suddenly my phone started ringing on the table and Alice grabbed it quickly and put it on speaker.

"Edward speaking. Who is it?"

"Hey gay daddy, it's me big poppa. So, how's it going? You find your mamma bear?"

I leaped for my phone on the table, nearly knocking Alice to the ground and grabbed it with my dirty fingers.

"Ha ha Emmett… Can't believe you still like to quote that stupid movie. But you're right, it was pretty good and the gay daddy starring in the movie was quite funny." I let out an awkward and strained laugh.

Looking around, I realized that everybody was staring at me and Jasper was struggling to keep his laughter in, as he knew what Emmett was talking about.

Alice was staring at me with a confused expression, and Bella was paying no attention, still happily stirring her cookies.

"Ohh-kaaay. Awkward situation here. Erm, Edward could you ask Emmett when he and Rose will be here?" Jasper said with an amused grin on his face.

So I did just that. After hanging up and being confronted with the awkward silence once again, I just started to work further on the cookie dough. The smell was even stronger and more disgusting now and it took all my strength NOT to puke.

"Bella, are you sure that this is right?" I asked her warily. She just looked at me, put her finger in the bowl, and tasted the dough.

"Tastes good to me. What do you think?" She put some of the dough on a spoon and nearly forced it into my mouth.

While I thought that the smell was disgusting, this was like eating shit. I never, ever have tasted something that horrifying in my life!

"Yummy?" I said, and Bella seemed satisfied.

I swallowed part of it and tried not to cry, while nodding at her. When she turned away, I looked to Jasper with a horrified expression and spit the rest of the dough in my hand and threw it into the garbage can quickly... Alice watched the whole exchange with a bemused look but when I gave her a glare she quickly looked away.

After some more mixing and definitely no more tasting of the dough we put the finished cookies into the oven.

Emmett arrived minutes later and he had a Victoria Secret's bag in his hand.

"What's with the lingerie, Emmett?" Alice asked.

"Oh, that's for you Alice. Jasper bought it for you and told me to bring it here," Emmett said, while winking at Jasper and me. Alice squealed loudly and started jumping up and down, ripping the bag out of Emmett's hands.

"I can't believe you did that for me Jasper! You're the best husband ever! I love you, I love you, I lo-.. What the HELL is that?" She screeched, while quickly turning around, holding a pair of crotchless black leather panties which had red letters on the backside that spelled: Eat my pussy.

Bella just started to laugh hysterically and that was when Emmett saw her for the first time. He looked at me, pointed at her and then at his tummy and I just nodded.

He had a big smile on his face now and was embracing Bella in a bone-crushing hug.

"Aww…You must be Bella! Rose told me so much about you."

In that moment Rose came through the door.

"Is that cookies I smell?" Bella just nodded her head quickly and they all sat down.

Bella and Rose left the room to speak in private, which left me alone with dumb, dumber, and the crack bunny. Yay!

"I can't believe how cute Bella and Edward are together and it's a shame that Edward isn't the baby's father, right?" Alice started gushing as if I wasn't in the room. Jasper and Emmett started laughing hysterically and Alice looked really mad.

"Why are you laughing, you party-poopers?"

"So, Edward... Is it true? Is mamma bear perfect for gay daddy or has the crack bunny just told us shit on a stick?" Emmett snorted and then started laughing again, Jasper joining him.

I just glared at him, while Alice was confused... and angry, by the look on her face. I could tell that the next few hours were going to be fun.

Emmett and Jasper continued to make fun of me and hint that I could be the baby's father. Alice got madder by the minute because she had no idea what the guys were laughing about. At the end, she wasn't even talking to us anymore and giving was Jasper the stink eye.

_I think someone won__'__t be eating any pussy for some time there! _

Rose and Bella came back out some time later and they both had confused looks on their faces.

"Hey guys, are Bella's boobs bigger than mine?" Rose asked while palming her breasts and squeezing them together. Alice choked on her glass of water while Jasper was caught staring at their breasts by Emmet and me. But when Rose started to grab Bella's breasts and squeezing them I let out a strangled moan and I could have sworn Emmett even whimpered. Jasper was smart enough to look the other way and didn't witness the free porno we just got from our girls.

"I could swear her breasts are bigger... It could be that you are producing more milk than me. Maybe you'll get twins Bella!" Rose said enthusiastically and Bella and her started bouncing around but all I could see where those luscious breasts that were moving up and down. And now that she mentioned it, Bella's breasts WERE bigger than Rose's. Good for me! But suddenly something Rose just said took my attention.

Holy mother of baby jeebus. Maybe Bella will have twins! SHIT! What am I going to do?? I can't handle two babies!

_Deep breaths, Edward. Easy. One baby per person. And twins are good at doing everything at the same time, so when one of them poops the other will too; when one of them sleeps the other will too; when one of them cries... THE OTHER WILL TOO! _

DING

"Oh, cookies are done! YAY!"

Bella ran to the oven and took out the finished cookies.

"I'll just go to the toilet. Leave me some cookies too, whore," Rose said to Bella just before leaving the room.

"And people wonder why Rose has no friends." Emmett muttered under his breath while taking some cookies and putting them on his plate. Bella served us all with plates full of cookies and although I'd rather drink pee than eat those monster cookies, I took the plate and thanked her. Bella looked at us excitedly and waited for our opinion on the cookies, so I had no choice but to take a bite. It was even worse than the raw dough. I could swear I even saw Alice turn a little green. Jasper started coughing and took out a napkin and spit the cookie into it.

Emmett ate all his cookies without even blinking and even asked for more. When Bella turned around Alice, Jasper and I quickly took the cookies and threw them all in the now empty Victoria's Secret bag.

"Mmmmm, Bella. These cookies are delicious! What is your secret ingredient?" Alice asked while pretending to chew something.

Bella smiled proudly and announced, "Well, I add a little bit of cinnamon into the dough."

"Bella, those are really good! You should give Rose the recipe, so that she can make them too!" Emmett nearly shouted earnestly. I looked at him as if he had two heads and asked him silently with my eyes if he was joking but he just shrugged and started eating more cookies.

"So, what did I miss, bitches? Give me one of those." Rose said, making a classy entrance and taking a cookie from Emmett's plate. We all looked expectantly at her, awaiting her reaction while praying to god that she wouldn't bite Bella.

She took a bite then started chewing but stopped suddenly. She turned to Bella with a horrified look and then spit everything she had in her mouth on her.

"What the fuck Bella? Even shit would taste better than this Satan cookie. Do you hate me that much? Oh my fuck, what is wrong with you people? How can you eat something that disgustingly horrifying? That's just wrong! So, so wrong. No Emmett! Spit that shit out! I said, spit it out!!" Rose screamed at us. Emmett reluctantly spit the rest of his cookie out and looked at Bella apologetically.

"Are they really THAT bad guys? I thought you liked them..." Bella asked us, now on the verge of tears. I wanted to stand up and hug her so I did just that. When I took her in my arms it felt so right, as if she belonged with me. It took all my willpower not to stroke her stomach or tell her right then and there in front of all our friends that I was the father of her baby. Bella turned into my arms and put her head in the crook of my neck sobbing quietly. I gave Rose a glare and she even looked slightly guilty.

"Sorry, Bella. You just surprised me with this very, erm, unique cookie recipe," Rose said in a soft tone. I turned Bella in my arms, so that she could look at me and I started picking the cookie pieces Rose spit on her out of her hair and off her shirt.

"Bella, maybe your pregnancy hormones influenced your appetite and your taste. Not everybody likes cinnamon and pickle juice mixed."

"PICKLE JUICE! That was it! I couldn't make out the horrifying taste!" Jasper screamed.

Everyone glared at him and he quickly shut up and sat down.

"So, you all hate my cookies?" Bella asked, her bottom lip quivering.

"Hate is a really strong word, Bella. I'd use really, really dislike!" Alice said in a comforting tone. I started rubbing Bella's back and I felt her shudder. Maybe she was cold.

"Ok, then I'll just stop cooking during my pregnancy." Bella said sadly.

"Well, you don't have to stop it all together! Just talk with your doctor about it and maybe she will have some tips on how you can control it," I said in a hopeful tone. She looked at me and a small smile crept on her face.

"Thank you, Edward. You're a real good friend," she said and then she hugged me tightly. I hugged her back and the feeling was so nice that I didn't ever want to let her go. This time I couldn't control myself and I placed my hand over her stomach and whispered into her ear, "I just want the best for you and the baby." She looked at me adoringly and I could have sworn I saw tears in her eyes.

"Bella, I just remembered that you have an appointment sometime next week, right? How far along are you??"

"Well, I'm nearly six weeks and yes, I have an appointment next week. It's the first real appointment since I found out that I am pregnant so I am kind of nervous."

"Well, why don't you take someone with you?" Rose asked with a knowing grin on her face. "Alice and I can't come, since we have a shopping appointment together next week but I think Edward would go with you, right Edward?" Rose quirked an eyebrow in a way that left no room for discussion.

Alice looked a little confused, "Rose, we don't have any sh- Ohhhh... Yeah, the 'shopping trip'!!" Alice snickered.

_HA, I bet she thinks that Rose wants us only to hook up. God, she has no ideas that Rose is doing this only to include me in my baby__'__s life!_

"Would you come, Edward? I really don't want to go alone and I feel quite comfortable with you," she asked me, while sticking out her bottom lip and giving me the most adorable look I had seen in a long time.

God, this woman already had me wrapped around her little finger.

"Sure, poppet. I'd gladly come with you."

Bella looked at me with a shocked expression and I asked, "What did I say?"

"You called me poppet. That's what you called me all the time at the Christmas party."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I like it. It is kind of cute." She giggled.

I grinned crookedly at her and suddenly I heard my big brother's booming laughter.

"Now I know where I saw you Bella! At the Christmas party! I hope you didn't tell Edward the story. He can't remember anything and I want to have something good up my sleeve when I need him for anything." He winked at Bella.

"No, I didn't tell him, but how come you know? I don't remember you..."

"Well, that will remain my little secret! Come sugar mamma, I need some sex after all those cookies. Bye, guys. See ya around some time!" Emmett said while lifting Rose and carrying her to the door. Rose only giggled and slapped Emmett's shoulder in a playful way.

"TMI EMMETT!!" we all screamed.

"So, I think we will be leaving too. Come on Alice, let's go."

Now only Bella and I were left and in this moment I remembered that I still held her in an embrace.

I let her go and for a quick minute I saw disappointment cross her face.

"So, I think I'll be leaving now, too. Here's my number, let me know when the appointment is. If you and the baby need anything just call me. Doesn't matter what time it is," I told her while giving her my card.

"Edward, why are you so helpful? Do you feel pity for me because I am pregnant and alone?" Bella asked in a sad voice. I saw determination in her eyes and then she started talking again, "I don't need pity. I want this baby and I'll love it more than any father could. It was my decision to do it alone and I don't regret it."

"No, Bella. That's not it. It's just that it's always nice to know that there is someone there for you. I can understand that you are a strong, independent woman but everybody needs a shoulder to lean on from time to time and I gladly will take that job."

She looked at me for a while before jumping on me and hugging the living shit out of me.

"Thank you, Edward once again. I think I'll need this shoulder more often than I want to admit," she sniffled.

_Was she crying???_

"Ok, I'll go now. Don't forget to tell me the day and the time of the appointment!" I shouted over my shoulder as I made my way to the door.

Never in my life had I expected the day to end this way.

--

Jasper's POV

"Alice," I said, taking my attention from the road and focusing on my wife. She had been silent the whole ride so far… Then again, it had only been ten minutes. But for Alice, ten minutes of not talking was like a day for any other person.

She just turned her head forcefully away from me, and with a harumph, she settled her whole body to face the other way.

I wasn't sure why she was mad. I thought it might be at Bella, for some girly reason. But, who knows with Alice? She can be mad over a bee sting, and I had to suffer her bitching.

"Alice, come on," I tried again. I wasn't exactly sure why I was trying to goad her out of the silent treatment; half the time I try to get her to shut the hell up so I could have a few seconds of peace. But no, I had to be all fucking caring and nice.

She still ignored me. I figured the best way to get her attention was to ignore her back. She couldn't stand it when people ignored her, I knew that for sure. God, I felt like such a teenage girl with all this plotting. Who plots, anyway?

_Now YOU do, smart one._

From that moment I ignored her and didn't say a word for another five minutes, and it seemed to be working. Her shoulders kept rising up, and she was exhaling _very_ loudly.

Finally, a few minutes later, she began. "You could say sorry, you know," she exclaimed suddenly.

"I kn-, wait what? I didn't do anything wrong?" It came out as a question. That woman can be so confusing from time to time.

"Jasper Hale, don't you dare tell me you did nothing wrong!" she muttered angrily.

"Fine, so I did something right." I teased, chuckling at my own joke. Apparently though, I was a stupid, stupid man, because this just made Alice madder.

Alice was generally a happy person, no, not generally, always a happy person. A freaking nutcase sometimes, to tell the truth, but she was happy. And when she got mad, there was hell to pay.

Back in college, when we first started dating, people always told me to stay on Alice's good side. Apparently her last boyfriend cheated on her. He was seen a few days later with a head injury and a pink 'My little Pony' tattoo on his upper arm.

I was the calm one in our relationship. If she was the tornado, I was the calm breeze afterwards.

But now I had made her angry. And I didn't even know why.

"Alice, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," I said cautiously. She nodded, but her eyes were still bright, meaning she had only just begun.

I waited patiently for the storm to come. Less than a minute later it blew in.

"How could you?!" she asked loudly. I honestly had no idea what she was talking about.

"I mean, come on. I'm your freakin' wife! We don't keep secrets from each other! And you won't say anything ab-" against my better judgment, I cut her off.

"Alice, I'm sorry, but I honestly have no clue what you are talking about," I said calmly. She stared at me crossly for a moment, while I tried to focus on the road in front of me.

"You don't know," she hissed softly. The harsh tone made the hairs on my arms stand up.

"No," I whimpered.

"Well, let's put aside the fact that you are ignorant for a moment," she muttered. I kept my eyes on the road, but I was dying to take a look at her face to see exactly how angry she was. Only her eyes could tell me for sure. If they were bright and alive, it wasn't good. If they were dull and low… well I'd be in need of a coffin.

I risked a glance. Bright, thank god.

"So, I'm over at my best friend's house, and being the intuitive, observing person that I am, I noticed there was something going on between the boys in the room. Now, I know that my husband can sometimes be a dick when he's around his friends, so at first I thought it was the usual joking around."

"But they kept hinting at Bella, and the baby. Now, I want to know why. Is it because Bella didn't get pregnant in the traditional manner?"

I shook my head no.

"Is it because she isn't married?"

"No," I answered out loud this time.

"Is it because both Rose and Bella are pregnant, and I'm not?" she asked, this time more softly.

I shook my head no once more.

"That's it, isn't it?" she said even more quietly.

"You want to be a Daddy!!!" She screeched suddenly all excited, and I was shaking my head rapidly from side to side. _No! Not ready, not ready, NOT FUCKING READY!!!_

"Alice-" I began, but she cut me off.

"Alright, let's have a baby!!!!" she shouted.

"ALICE!!!" I said, turning my head quickly to look at her. But all of a sudden there was fear in her eyes.

"JASPER!" she screamed in panic, and I turned back around. The road was no longer in front of us. A tree was, and we were going to hit it very, very soon. And there was nothing I could do about it.

"NO!!!" I shouted, and flung myself over to Alice, trying to shield her, but my seat belt snapped me back.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!"

I could only hear a loud crunch and one last, high pitched scream before everything went black.

* * *

**Yeah, so there wasn't more info about the Christmas party in this chapter but the rest will be revealed soon! :D Hope you liked the Jasper POV!! And we gave you some taste of Protectward… Just wait and see how he'll act around Bella as soon as she knows that he's the daddy! … He HE HEEEEE!! *insert evil laugh* **

_Sorry for my long note above, but I'll keep it short this time. Reviews= love _**(leave me some luuuve too, I'll reply too! Promise!).**_ You get a teaser for the next chapter if you do! _

_Love Shel &__** Sweets**_


	8. Mission: Smooches and boobie jobs

Disclaimer: All twilight characters and plot belong to Stephanie Meyer.

_SHELL: Hey Guys... Sorry for the long wait! But at long last, here is chapter eight! _

_**Sweets: Don´t have to add anything..Wait, WE LOVE YOU MEL! YOU`RE THE BEST BETA EVER!!!! ;)**_

_**ENJOY!! **___

Bella's POV

Never in my whole life would I have thought that this day, this perfect, weird, embarrassing day would end like this.

I was about to get into bed and watch the latest movie with Ryan Reynolds (enter Bella totally gaga here) when a very anxious and panic sounding Rose called on the phone. From what I could understand, Jasper and Alice had been in a car accident and hit a tree. She had already called Edward and he was on his way to pick me up, then we were going to the hospital.

I'm not sure whose voice was higher, hers or mine but either way we sounded like a couple of screech owls during mating season. I really hoped my neighbors realized I wasn't screaming for me, but for my best friend and her husband. The police wouldn't like to come out here…. Again. But I didn't need to get into that now.

I was really relieved that she thought about calling Edward to pick me up, since I was in no condition to drive. Alice had been my best friend since I met her that one night years ago at a club and she French kissed me on a dare. Yeah, we've been best friends ever since then.

After a few minutes of me in complete panic, which involved my fingernails nearly turning into bloody stumps, I saw Edward arriving through my window and I immediately ran to his car and jumped in.

"DRIVE, DRIVE!! Come on, grandma, why aren't you driving yet?!" He looked at me like I was some delusional freak, but as soon as he registered the panic-stricken look on my face, he _finally_ started driving. We arrived at the hospital in record time and I have to admit that Edward is a crazy driver when under stress. I think I even peed myself a little when he nearly drove into that semi truck.

After we parked we ran to the emergency ward. One look around the waiting room and we saw the monster that was Emmett and Rose sitting on some of the totally uncomfortable plastic chairs. Emmett was bawling his eyes out and sobbing loudly on Rose's shoulder and if the situation wasn't so serious I would have burst into laughter at the image of Emmett on a plastic chair that was nearly breaking under his weight while he leaned on Rose and cried like a baby.

Suddenly we saw the door open and a perfectly healthy Jasper and furious Alice came waltzing our way.

"Oh my god!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!!" Emmett cried out while standing up and rushing to them. He totally ignored Alice and took Jasper right into his arms and into a bone crushing hug and kissed him full on the mouth! "Never, ever, EVER, do this to me again!! Do you hear me?? I told you to stop driving like Edward!!"

Jasper was turning all kinds of colors that really don't belong on somebody's face, as people stopped and looked at them and I think I even heard some women say that `It's a damn sin that all the good ones are either taken or gay`. I stifled a laugh and made my way over to Alice and gave her a big hug, whispering into her ear that I loved her.

"Erm, Emmett. Please let me go. You are making me feel very uncomfortable and insecure right now. And you kind of scare me," Jasper whispered in a hushed voice.

Emmett let him go and went back to stand next to Rose while rolling his eyes.

"Thanks for your concern, Em." Even after a car crash, Alice's sarcasm was completely intact.

"Bros, before hoes, my dear," Emmett replied and gave a merry little wave while Alice glared.

"Wow, I think that was even more embarrassing than me finding that vibrator in your bed," Edward snickered and whispered in my ear. But from the look on my friends´ faces, he wasn't as silent as he thought he was.

"What vibrator? Bella, why is Edward playing with your vibrator?" Emmett asked and started bouncing like a little kid hyped up on candy who knew he was about to hear something good. While Rose stared dumbfounded at us, she smacked Edward and turned to Alice.

"ANYWAY, what the hell happened, you guys?!" she asked loudly.

Alice turned to look at Rose and the annoyed look on her face was back.

"Well, we were on our way home when I started asking Jazzy why he was acting so weird at Bella's. When I asked him if he was jealous that you guys get to be daddies and he doesn't and I told him that we could try, he totally freaked out, got off the road and drove us into a tree. But douchebag over here thought that we were driving really fast or something like that, but instead we were really slow since Jasper was slowing the car down while he was freaking out. And then when we drove into the tree my jacket flew over his eyes and he totally lost it and started crying and screaming that he was blind and that he loved me and some random shit like he was sorry that he broke Edward's black iPod nano -"

I heard a loud gasp and looked at Edward who was looking at Jasper with a murderous glare. "You bastard! I asked you if you saw my baby and you lied to me! I can't even look at you right now. My baby, oh my god, my wonderful baby..." Edward whimpered.

"Man, I'm sorry but you know how I am with those little things and it was just _too little_ and I was just trying to get it into the damn speakers and I think I pressed a little too hard and it just kind of broke. I'm really, really sorry! I even bought you a new one and I'm adding all your songs on it!!"

Edward refused to look at him and just turned away.

_Drama queen much? Wow, look who's the pregnant hormonal woman now. _

"You know what, Edward? How about I show you your new iPod? I even bought you the new headphones you always wanted." At that Edward turned around and nodded like an eager puppy at Jasper and the two of them made their way to Jasper's car where it was now parked having been cleared since it didn't have any major damage.

"So, can we go now? I'm hungry," Emmett asked in an annoyed childlike voice.

_Yep, definitely Edward's brother. I can't believe how childish they are. Ohh… that nurse that just came out has tootsie pops. I want one. I want one!_

"Well, we still have to wait for the report from the police, so I'd say let's go down to the cafeteria and eat something."

On our way to the cafeteria we suddenly heard a loud gasp and as we turned around to see who it was, we came face to face with a beautiful Native American woman.

The woman was openly gaping at Rose and a small smile appeared on her lips.

Rose stared at her for a moment before exclaiming, "Oh my god! Leah? Leah Clearwater?"

The woman looked at Rose and a wide grin appeared on her face. "Rosalie Hale! I can't believe how good you look, bitch!" Ah, so _they're_ friends!

And not just friends, you have to be an extremely good friend of Rose to get to the bitch phase. I'm still in the whore phase and Alice just started with the skank phase.

"Hey... A snack machine. Rose, baby, I'm going to get something to eat."

At the word snack, my head perked up and I looked at Emmett expectantly. "Emmett, could you bring me something too?" I gave him the most adorable puppy dog eyes I could muster and, as I thought, he caved and just nodded.

"Kay, I want the Twix, the Kit Kat, but not the normal shit, that's for pussies, I want the one with the white chocolate toppings, then I want the Milky way and get me also some from that Willy Wonka shit. Thanks, Emmett. You're the best!"

Alice just looked at me like I was some freaking hormonal preggo, which I was.

"So, Rose. How are you? I haven't heard from you since college!"

"I'm fine, thanks! Yes, that's true! How are you Leah? What are you doing here in a hospital?"

"Well, I just had my last surgery and got this little babies." She took her breasts into her hands gently, as if not to hurt the bruising, and smiled proudly.

"So, do these guys know about our little college experience?" Leah asked us cockily while winking at Rose.

At that moment Emmett came towards us with his hands full of sweets. But when he heard what Leah just said he let it all fall and gaped at his wife. "You were a lesbian?? Man, that is soo cool!" And then he got this far away look, and I could have sworn he started drooling.

I, being the hungry monster I was, bent down and started picking up and eating the sweets while looking expectantly at Rose.

_I see drama coming! Rose looks like she might be blushing. Oh my holy fuck. Rosie blushing??? _

"Why is he getting so excited about the fact that we took a yoga class together? Does he know about your little crush on me?" Leah asked smirking.

"Because he doesn´t know that you were a guy named Seth at that time."

At that point Emmett started howling like a wolf and winking at the girls in a way that made him look like a twelve year old school girl.

"Emmett, you ape. I was never a lesbian. And let me tell you at that time Leah sure as fuck didn't look like that."

Now we were all confused. Rose had not denied her crush on Leah, but she said that she wasn't a lesbian. Maybe she was bi?

"Explain." Alice said with a weird look on her face. Suddenly her eyes got really wide and she took a second look at Leah. After a moment she looked back at Rose as if they were silently communicating. She started laughing hysterically and even Leah cracked a smile. Seems like Alice was in on their little secret.

"Well, Emmett. I wasn't known as Leah at the time Rose developed her little crush on me. I was known as Seth Clearwater."

_The fuck?! Rose had the hots for a transvestite?? _

And if I thought that Rose was blushing before, NOW I knew that she was. Man, she was as red as a fire truck!

"Ok guys. I think I need to tell you how I met Leah AKA Seth and maybe it is time for Emmett to know why I can't visit the gym near college anymore."

RPOV (flashback)

He was hot. He was so hot. He was DAMN H-O-T-T!!! And he didn't even take a second look at me. I mean, what the hell? Not to sound like a bitch, but… Ok, I am a bitch so I don't feel bad saying that I AM a fine piece of ass. And he hasn't even checked me out!

That won't work!

I was once again in one of my new favorite places, the yoga course at the gym near my college. I just started it because I made a bet with my roomie, BITCH , that I could get even more flexible but after I saw that man meat that was in my class, I made it my new goal to make him mine. Two birds with one stone and all that shit. But until today I hadn't succeeded. I flirted like a damn hooker on a mission but he just didn't bite!

And today was the day I would get him. I wouldn't let him toy with my feelings. Well, not necessarily my feelings but definitely with my BIG ego.

And if he didn't want to see me, well I would force him to see me.

"Hi, Seth. Have you been working out more? You look even sexier than the last time I saw your fine piece of ass!" And then I winked, licked my lips and bent forward. Ok, even a blind man would have seen that I was flirting and I think the guy behind me just got an instant boner. Ew.

"Hey Rose. No, I haven't been working out more. Sorry to disappoint."

"…" WHAT THE FUCK??! "Seth, do you have a girlfriend?" I asked him again. Now I was standing in front of him with my hands on my hips.

"Noo... I told you that already."

As I was making my way over to my mattress again, I had an idea. I accidentally 'slipped' and I landed full force on top of Seth. I made it look like an accident that my tits were pressed right into his face. If he wouldn't acknowlege me now, I don´t know what else would get him going.

But what did Mr. Lick-me-hot do?? He helped me up like a gentleman and asked me if I'm ok. I just pressed my bra free D-cup TITS in his face and he even has the nerve to look me in the eyes while asking if I´m ok…

"No, I'm NOT okay! Why the FUCK aren´t you looking at my tits?! They are big, they are not hanging and they are not FAKE!"

Aaaand here was the point when I stopped thinking with my head and started thinking with my vagina. Yep, I flashed him those _nice tits_.

"Wanna touch them? GO FUCKING AHEAD!"

All the men in the room let out loud gasps and the dork with the glasses in the last row even fainted.

A girl in the back row timidly rose her hand and asked "Can I touch?"

"NO!"

Now I was looking at a dumbfounded Seth.

"Erm, Rose. I'm gay."

Huh. That's news.

(End flashback)

BPOV

I couldn't stop laughing. No, really, I was on the floor not only laughing but snorting and squeaking and looking like a dying monkey but I couldn't stop.

"And that's how Rose and I became really good buddies. My twins here are molded after Rose's luscious titties!" Leah winked at Emmett and if I'm not mistaken he shuddered and muttered something about feeling sick after his fantasies.

---

"So, which one do you think is the ugliest?" Rose asked in a cool voice while looking at the babies in the maternity ward.

Alice and Jasper still had to remain at the hospital until Alice's blood tests should be back so Rosalie and I decided to wander around a little bit and so we landed at the maternity ward.

"Rose, all babies are pretty… Ok, but the little one in the far right corner is scaring me a little. What's on his face? It's like something is growing out of his nose."

"Bella, THAT is his nose."

"Oh my god. That is seriously fucked up!" We started snickering like little high school girls talking about their first blow job when a handsome doctor came our way.

"Ladies, I'd be careful with what you say. Mom of nose-boy is one strong woman. When one of the relatives made a comment about the nose, well let´ s just say his nose looks worse now."

And he finished the sentence with a cute lopsided grin. Rose started giggling and batting her eyelashes at him.

"Oh, doctor, don't let your patients hear that." And again with the giggling.

"Rose, stop that!" I harshly whispered.

She turned my way and looked sheepishly at me. "I can't Bella. I literally am not ABLE to stop!" she whispered frantically back.

I turned to the doctor. "Please don't take her seriously. She's pregnant and her hormones are getting the better of her."

"Hey! So are you!" Rosalie shouted like this was an insult instead of something she had been waiting for her whole life.

"I'm aware of that," I said calmly, but I don't think Rose heard me because she continued to gawk.

"So you two are pregnant? Do you know about all the courses we have here at the hospital?" He inquired in a voice worthy of those annoying door-to-door salesman.

"What kind of courses?" I asked suspiciously as Rose ogled him some more and I discreetly stepped on her foot.

"Hey, what was that for?" She asked but I shushed her because the doctor was talking.

"Well, we have the typical Lamaze course and then also the baby beginners' course. It is for first time parents. They show you everything you need to know about an infant. It is really helpful!" He nodded like an eager puppy.

I looked to Rose and knew instantly that she was sold. Why wouldn't she be? She has Emmett, who would be able to attend class with her anytime.

"Please Bella?? Please? Come on! We can be classmates and we can even do our homework together. Pretty please?" Rose looked at me with those damn big eyes and I just couldn't say no.

"Okay…. BUT you go with the doc over here and sign us up. I'm not in the mood to walk any more!"

"Ok, no problem!" And with that she walked off with the cute doctor. Just as they rounded the corner she started giggling again.

I waited around for her to come back, trying my best to not let that poor baby look at me. It was kind of creepy. I swear to god, it won't stop staring!

Just as I was beginning to honestly panic, Rose came back looking sullen without the doctor.

"What happened?" I asked as I rubbed her back, comforting her over this whole, ridiculous ordeal.

"We were talking and laughing, and I was like 'you're so funny', and he was like 'thanks'," she began, but I interrupted her right there.

"You are aware that the real Rosalie inside of you is about to claw her way out and beat the hell out of this weird you?"

She gave me a look before continuing. "Anyways, as I was saying, suddenly his beeper went off and he had to go into surgery. Some little kid had internal bleeding. Couldn't they wait ten minutes, it won't do very much damage and kids have too much blood anyways."

I stared at her for a moment. "You are going to make a great mom."

"Oh, I know," she replied happily as we began talking again and turned back to find the boys.

They were sitting in the waiting room and after a few moments, Jasper and Alice finally walked out. They looked frustrated, but when Alice saw us, she let out a Chesire cat grin. But Jasper, who noticed the same old ladies that called him gay earlier were still there, whistled trying to be 'nonchalant' and kissed Alice on the cheek before walking off.

Emmett, however, caught on. So he ran after Jasper making a kissing face and shouting, "Honey, I'm SO GLAD you are okay! Now give me a kiss and I'll make you feel better! Don't hide your feelings. I want EVERYONE to know how IN LOVE WE ARE!"

We all burst out laughing as Jasper began to run and Emmett followed him with his arms out as if ready for a hug.

"Alright then," Rosalie said as the four of us walked out of the hospital and into the cool air.

"Well, I guess we'll see you guys later. Hopefully the next time won't be as eventful as this one," said Rose.

We murmured in agreement and walked our separate ways, and I followed Edward who already said he would take me home.

"BELLA!" Rosalie shouted just as I was about to get into the car. She must have a very loud voice for it to carry all the way across the parking lot.

"Yeah?" I screamed back.

"You and Edward are signed up for the baby classes with me and Emmett! They start next Tuesday! FOUR O'CLOCK, BE THERE!"

And then she decided it was the perfect time to drive off, and Emmett, who now realized it was time to go and needs to stop teasing Jasper, took off running after her like a puppy chasing its owner.

I looked to Edward, and climbed in, before what Rosalie said registers in my mind.

Wait, what? I was going to parenting class with Edward?

_Well now you get to look like a fool in front of Edward. Yay!_

I better Google parenting tomorrow, because god knows he doesn't need _another_ reason to think I'm stupid.

Edward's POV

"Hi," I muttered awkwardly. I was standing on Bella's front porch, leaning against the pillar. She had just opened the door and was peeking her head out.

"Hey." She smiled at me, opening the door wider. I moved over just a tad, giving her room to step out.

"So," I began, but couldn't really think of anything to say. I hadn't actually seen Bella since we were at the hospital, anxious about Alice and Jasper, but I had talked to her on the phone once or twice. I could proudly say that she was my friend now.

But that didn't stop the awkward silence that followed.

"Yep," she said after a moment. I nodded at her, and gazed around her yard. My eyes fell on her garbage can.

I shook my head, remembering the last time I was here. _God Edward, sometimes you really are NOT the sharpest knife in the drawer._

Bella's eyes followed my gaze, and then she giggled. "So, no big entrance this time?" she asked, her eyes twinkling.

"Well I did use some of my best moves last time, you know. I don't roll around in the garbage for just any girl."

Bella blushed, causing her cheeks to turn a rosy pink, but she smiled, so I knew it was okay.

"Alright hot-shot, let's go. I have a doctor's appointment to get to." I nodded, and led her over to my car, and opened the door for her.

"Thanks," she mumbled, climbing into the car.

I went over to my side and started the car silently. Bella seemed to be lost in thought, so I didn't say anything for a while.

"So what other moves do you use?" she asked after a few minutes.

"What?"

"What other moves do you use on the ladies?" she clarified, and I frowned. Was she really asking me about my dating techniques?

"Um, I don't know, there are a couple," I muttered, caught off guard. She frowned, and I quickly added, "Maybe I can show you sometime."

She just nodded. _Good save Ed, good save._

"I'll have to take you up on that sometime," she murmured.

_Was she flirting with me? Holy shitty-titti. She was flirting with me! _

"I'll remember that," I warned in an overly husky voice, but she just laughed.

"So are you nervous?" I asked after another few minutes of silence.

"For?"

"Everything, being a mother, having a baby. Are you sure you want this?"

"Positive," she said. "I know people will judge me, being a young, single mother. But honestly, I've never been a little kid. I've always been the grown up. First taking care of my mother, then my father, they needed looking after. Especially my mom, Renee, who went through her second divorce last year, and needed me to take care of her."

I filed that information away for later, and pressed on with the subject at hand.

"But can you really take care of a baby all by yourself?" I asked her, turning my head so I could look at her.

"Watch the road," she mumbled.

"Bella?"

"I can do it alone. It will be hard… but I will manage. Somehow," she finally muttered, looking sad.

"You don't have to be alone, you know," I said quietly. Out of my peripheral, I could see her looking at me strangely.

"I don't want a sitter."

"I know. But maybe I could help out?" It came out as a question, leaving her room to decline my offer.

"Edward, you really are a good friend," she said suddenly, wiping her eyes.

_Pregnant women are very emotional,_ I thought to myself.

"Alright, enough of this serious talk, let's have some fun," I finally said.

"We're in the car, I think the amount of fun we can have is very limited," she argued with a trembling voice.

_I have to distract her before the waterworks begin!!_

"Trust me. I know how to have fun." I grinned, and wiggled my eyebrows at her, while she laughed.

"Alright, but we only have like ten minutes until we get there," she noted.

"That's plenty of time."

"Okay then."

"Knock, knock?" I asked.

"Really, I haven't heard a knock, knock joke in years. Who still tells those things?"

"Just answer the question."

"Fine, who's there?"

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"It's just a joke you don't have to cry about it," I muttered, and she laughed quietly.

"I know, not that original," I admitted after a moment.

"No, not really."

"So you think you could do better?" I asked playfully, challenging her.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Banana who?

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Banana who?

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Banana who?

"Knock, knock?"

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

She laughed, but I shook my head.

"That's like the oldest joke there is." I told her. "Not original at all."

"But it's a classic. An oldie but a goodie," she argued.

"It sucks."

"Edward Cullen, did you just say my joke sucked?"

"No," I muttered quickly.

"What's your middle name?" she asked suddenly.

"Anthony Mason," I muttered, wondering where this was leading.

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, did you just say no, when I asked you if you said that my joke sucked, when you did and it totally doesn't?" Bella asked.

"Um…, yes?"

"Yes you said no, or yes you think my joke sucked?"

"Both, all of them, I don't know! I don't do well under pressure," I confessed.

"Whatever," she muttered.

"You know what's a classic?" I asked.

"What?" she asked.

"Why did the chicken cross the road? … To get to the other side!" We both burst out laughing at how corny it was.

"What is pie squared?" she asked after we finally stopped laughing.

"I don't know."

"A pop tart!" I laughed, causing her to beam with pride.

"Did you hear about the one with the constipated math teacher?" I asked.

"Um, no."

"He worked it out with a pencil." I finished, and she laughed, but had a sort of disgusted look on her face.

"Did you hear about the blond that went to get her haircut?" she asked after a moment.

"Are you telling a blond joke?" I asked, astounded. She was the kind of person that was always nice, not the kind that told dumb blond jokes.

"Maybe, now do you want to hear it or not?"

"I do," I muttered.

"Well she went into the salon, but had her headphones on. When she sat down, the hairstylist asked her to take them off. But she wouldn't, she said what she was listening to was very important. The stylist just shrugged, and began cutting.

"Accidentally, the stylist cut one of the wires of the headphones. He just shrugged, figuring it couldn't be that important. But after a couple more moments, the girl died.

"Appalled at what he did, the stylist went and found some new headphones, and plugged them into the girl's device, wondering what could be so important to listen to. After a moment, he began to hear 'Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.'"

Bella finished telling her joke, and I burst out laughing.

"You know, I don't get why people always assume blonds are dumb. I mean look at Rosalie, she's smart, she's blond, and people don't make fun of her," Bella said after a moment.

"That's true… so why did you just tell a dumb blond joke?" I asked.

"I don't know why, but those blond jokes, man, they are funny," she replied, causing me to chuckle.

I know, I have no idea why, but they just are," I said, laughing along with her.

--

We pulled up to the doctor's office a few minutes later, and I quickly got out, went around, and opened Bella's door.

"You were right," she said as I slammed the door shut, and led her into the building.

"Yeah, probably, but about what this time?" I asked.

"Cocky, Cullen?" she asked.

"Maybe a little." I grinned, and nudged her playfully, noticing how warm her skin was, how soft it was, how…

"About making the car ride fun," she admitted, cutting off my line of thought.

"Well I'm glad you had fun. I did too," I told her, smiling. We headed up to the front desk, and Bella gave her name, and was handed some forms to fill out. We went over and took a seat on the hard, plastic chairs.

Bella began to fill out her information, as I stared into space, thinking about nothing in particular.

"Hey Edward?" she asked after a moment, her voice timid and shy.

"Yeah?" I asked, wondering why she was so quiet all of a sudden.

"Would you mind if I put you down as my emergency contact? I mean I would put down Alice, but she is always so busy, and since she's a teacher school starts back up next week. I wouldn't want her to abandon her class for me, especially if it was something little. But you don't have to, if you don't want to. I mean I can always ask Rosalie or someone else." Bella rattled on, but I was doing a little happy dance in my head.

_Bella asked you to be her emergency contact. Woo-hoo, she trusts you, she trusts you!_

"Bella, I would be honored," I said, bringing a finger up to her lips, shushing her.

I noticed how soft and smooth they were, and I had difficulty moving my finger away. Bella smiled, and returned to her form.

"Name, Edward Cullen. Relationship… friend," she began muttering. I watched her hand move over the paper, filling in things about me.

"Hey Edward, I know you work with Jasper selling yachts and everything, but should I be more specific? I mean, do you handle finance, customer stuff?" she asked, trailing off.

"You can just put CEO," I told her, and she wrote it down.

"So you are a CEO, but what exactly do you do?" she asked as she jotted down more information.

"Well, as you may or may not know, Jasper handles all the finances and such, taking care of the money, making sure we stay in business. I, on the other hand, deal directly with the customers, making sure they get everything they want or need on their boat. Jasper goes by CFO and I go by CEO.

She nodded, and returned to her form.

"You know, you could come down to my office, to visit me sometime, or Jasper or I don't know, just see where we work. But only if you want to," I offered.

"Really?" she asked, looking up at me with her warm brown eyes.

"Of course, I could even give you a tour of some of our boats! I mean yachts."

"That would be cool. Thanks Edward, I would love to do that sometime!" she squealed, giving me a short, one-armed hug before returning to her form.

I smiled, anything that made her happy made me happy…

--

"Bella, there's no reason to be self-conscious."

"Sure, for you there isn't."

"Oh come on, it's not like it reveals anything dirty."

"Except for the fact it barely covers my butt."

"Really… well you have a good butt, so you don't have to worry about anything."

"It's only a good butt? Not a great butt? Not the best butt you have ever seen? Thanks a lot Ed."

"You have a fabulous butt, Bella. Now just put the damn thing on."

"Why are you looking at my butt? That's perverted Edward."

We had been in the examination room for about five minutes, arguing over the stupid little dress thing she was supposed to wear. And we weren't getting anywhere.

"Bella, seriously, I will turn around, with my eyes closed while you change. I'll even tie your jacket around my eyes so I can't see anything. Let's just get the appointment started. I want to know about ou-, your baby."

She grumbled for a moment, and then sighed. "The jacket won't be necessary, but turn around. And DON'T PEEK!" she warned, shaking her finger at me.

I obliged, turning completely around. I turned my head slightly, looking out of my peripheral. (Just to see what she would do, honest!)

She glared at me, her hands on her hips. "I'm kidding, kidding," I mumbled before turning back around.

I tried hard not to think of the gorgeous woman a mere two, maybe three feet from me, stripping down, her gorgeous skin all uncovered for me to see. I could hear her peeling her shirt off. Her bra would go next, and then she would lean down to unbutton her jeans… gulp.

_Edward, you are not a pervert. You are NOT A PERVERT! Alright, let's see. Soup… Bella eating soup, Bella naked eating soup… DAMN IT!!! Alright, chips. Bella eating chips. Bella naked eating chips… Fuck, fuck, fuck._

_Ok, focus Edward, focus. Emmett, Emmett next to Bella. Shit. Ok, Emmett, not next to Bella, Emmett… in his bed. With Rosalie… ICK! Ok, gross, sick. My god, mental picture!!! Mental picture!!! YUCK!! SICK!!_

"Alright, I'm done," Bella called softly.

I turned around, and, thank god, all thoughts of my brother and his wife flew out of my mind, as I stared at Bella.

Her gown was just a tad loose on her at the top, and I could see the beginning of her soft white breasts. I let me eyes trail downward, and she was right. That fucking gown barely did cover her butt.

WAY too much of her legs were showing. I couldn't look away. I think the correct term might have been drool-and-stare-like-a-complete-idiot.

Bella cleared her throat, causing me to jump slightly. Crap, she caught me. _Well no duh, you've been staring like a freaking idiot for the past minute._

"Sorry," I mumbled.

She blushed. "See, way too short."

"Yes," I agreed, trying to look anywhere but at her directly. I stared at the wall. There was a picture of a newborn baby, bright pink with its eyes closed. _God, that baby is ugly…_

There was a knock on the door. Both Bella and I turned our heads, and watched as an older lady walked in.

"Hello, I'm Sara, and I'll be your nurse today. I just need to do a few standard checks before the doctor comes in."

I nodded and watched as Sara recorded Bella's height (5'3"), her weight (112 lbs) and did all those other procedures. She was healthy, thank god, and after the nurse left we sat there for a moment, not sure exactly what to say to one another.

I looked at Bella's face, careful to avoid looking down, seeing as that had not been helping the situation, and noticed she had a pissed off look on her face.

"What?" I asked after a moment, confused.

She glared at me, and I gazed back, bewildered. "I gained a pound!" She wailed, slipping off the bed thing she was sitting on and standing up.

"Bella, no one can even tell," I promised. But suddenly a tear drop raced down her face. Followed by another, and then two more. I didn't know what to do!!

"But I'm going to get fa-at!" She was practically bawling now.

"No you won't, you will, uh, look glowing and stuff!" I reassured her quickly, and that seemed to help, for she quieted down somewhat.

"You're only like what, six weeks. And you already have mood swings. That's a good sign." I meant to mutter it only to myself, but apparently she could hear me over her sniffling, because she started sobbing.

"No one," sniff, "will want to," sniff, "be around me! I will," sniff, "be all alone," sniff, "and fat, and pregnant!!!"

"No, Bella!!" I was lost over what to do to fix this situation. I wasn't really that comfortable with girls crying, but I had to say something. "I promise I will stay with you the whole time."

"Re-really?" She asked, still sniffing and hiccupping from all the crying, but the tears stopped falling.

"Of course, we all will. Alice, Rosalie, hell, Jasper and Emmett will be around all the time, especially Emmett, with you making your goddamn pickle juice cookies."

She gave a watery chuckle, and seemed to brighten, but then she glanced at the scale and started right back up again.

"But I'm going to be fat! And everyone will make Big-Bella Jokes!"

"Bella, listen to me. You won't get fat, it's just the baby. You will be completely healthy, and I will personally make sure that anyone who tries to call you fat will, I don't know, fall off a boat." I spoke quickly, doing anything I could to get the tears to disappear off her face.

"Ok," she murmured quietly and now she was completely calm again.

"THANK YOU EDDIE!" She suddenly shrieked, and with way too much energy, she bounded across the room and launched herself at me in a hug.

Still somewhat confused, I hugged her back, and tried my best not to think of how the dress-smock thing she was wearing rose up a bit higher.

_Now is NOT the time,_ I reminded myself.

After a few more seconds, Bella let go and went back to sit down on her thing, now cheerily humming quietly to herself.

Whiplash is a confusing thing.

--

"So Bella, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Jackson said kindly after all the introductions were made. I was introduced as the 'good friend' and that made me do another little dance inside. _Maybe there's something wrong with me after all. Alice could be right…_

"Um, good, so far, normal I guess," she answered brightly. I snorted loudly.

Bella turned to glare at me. "What's so funny, Edward?" She asked politely, but her eyes were flashing, warning me that if I told, bad, bad things would happen.

"Oh, nothing, just something I saw on TV last night." I muttered casually, smiling, keeping my tone as pleasant as Bella's. She shot me another look. I mouthed 'what?', and she shook her head.

The doctor, who was watching this exchange, sighed, and continued her questioning.

"Do you live with anyone, Bella?" she asked. She shook her head no, and the doctor jotted something down on the paper.

"Well, it's nothing to worry about now, but I would prefer when we get closer to the due date, for you to consider staying with a friend or relative, just in case there are any problems with the baby, or you go into labor early."

"Will there be problems with the baby?" Bella asked, her eyes widening.

"It's too early to tell, we could do a sonogram if you want." She glanced down at her papers. "You are perfectly healthy, so we hope that the pregnancy will progress nicely. But after the first trimester is over, the danger of a miscarriage won't be that high anymore."

Bella nodded, but her eyes were still wide.

"I'll stay with Bella." The words came out of my mouth before I even realized what I was saying. "I mean, if you want me to, and when it gets closer to the due date." I backtracked slightly, flashing a quick smile, hoping to not make this any more awkward.

"Oh, thanks Edward! That would be great!" Bella said, her anger forgotten as her lips turned upward into a smile. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Great, now that that's taken care of, I would like you to lie down on your back Bella. I just want to feel your stomach to determine the position of the uterus. If Mr. Cullen wants to leave the room for the pelvic exam, that's fine. You can wait outside the door and I'll call you as soon as we are finished."

Bella obliged, and I left the room quickly, not even wanting to think about what that view would be like.

"All done, seems good," the doctor said cheerfully after a few moments. I returned back, and Bella was looking at me strangely.

I shot her a look that clearly said 'don't ask', and she let me be.

"Alright, only a few more things to cover, one, you don't have to, but I recommend that you take a course to help prepare you for the baby, and read some books on it. Most first time mothers feel like this really helps them prepare for motherhood."

"Great, we already are signed up for a class, and I'll get some books," Bella said, and I smiled at her encouragingly.

_Well I guess it turned out to be a good thing that Rose signed us up for that class…_

"Also, I would suggest taking a birthing class. Not for another few months, of course, but it really is helpful."

"Ok, I can do that," Bella said confidently.

"I think that's pretty much everything." The doctor smiled at Bella, and shook her hand.

"Thanks!" Bella said eagerly, and stood to leave.

"Oh wait one more thing. For every new patient I have, I make sure to give them the dos and don'ts list," she said smiling. I sat up straighter.

_This could be very important! Alright, so let's see, the best way to make sure we follow it might be to make about a hundred copies, and hang them up anywhere Bella might be. Of course, I'll have to memorize it, and make sure Bella follows it exactly..._

My internal ranting was cut off by Bella's voice. "Alright, that seems like a good idea," while taking the list from the doctor. I hurried over, and read the list over her shoulder.

_There were so many things! We may have to make two hundred copies, just to be safe._

"Just be sure to keep this list handy. If you have any questions, feel free to call me either here or on my cell, which I'll have Julia at the front desk give the number to."

After thanking the doctor for everything, we made our way out to the reception area, and got everything Bella would need.

"Edward, why are you so tense all of a sudden?" Bella asked me as we started walking back out to my car.

"I'm not tense. And don't worry about me; you need to be completely stress-free." I said quickly, trying to give a breezy smile.

She nodded, and after a moment her eyes lit up. "Edward Cullen, please don't tell me that you are worried about me." I was surprised that she knew exactly what I was thinking.

"Bella, there are so many things on that list," I muttered. I hoped this conversation wasn't having any effect on her stress levels.

"I know, but weren't you listening to the doctor? She said to basically take it easy, and that I can have time for adjustment, to get used to being pregnant. I'm barely six weeks, remember?"

"I know, but we have to be super careful." I told her, as we arrived at the car. She was about ready to step in when I ran around and grabbed her.

"What the hell Edward?" she asked as I gathered her in my arms.

"You can't over-exert yourself Bella! You have to be careful!" I said as I sat her down gently in the car.

"Edward, I can make one step to get in the damn car." She muttered angrily.

"I just don't want anything to happen to the baby," I said.

"The baby won't get hurt if I go up ONE STEP!"

"It could, you never know. And what if you slipped, and fell, and landed on your stomach, and-, HEY! What are you doing!!!?"

"I'm getting out of the car and stepping in myself. You are being completely ridiculous."

"No, you're not!" I said as I went back around to her side. But she was already out of the car.

"Yes!" She glared at me when I made a movement to pick her up again.

"Don't you dare, Cullen," she said dangerously. I nodded, scared, as she stepped into the car and sat down, a smug smile on her face.

I breathed a sigh of relief when she made it safely, and I turned to walk around back to my side.

Once I got in, I turned to her. "That was unnecessary."

"Oh, it was VERY necessary."

"No, it wasn't. You could have been hurt, remember the whole slipping thing. And you can't hurt yourself; we can't risk anything happening to you or the baby, plus-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Yes, ma´am."

--

_Shell: So hope you all enjoyed that chapter! It was more of a filler one, but starting next chapter the plot really starts to pick up! _

_So we are NOT abandoning the chapter, and for 2010 we promise to update at least twice a month and mybe somtimes more!! _

_**Sweets: Okay, so I am really sorry for the long wait. it was all my fault. First I was in china, the I had some major stress with university but now I found some time during vacation to finish up my part. Hope you guys aren´t too dissapointed**__. _

_So, here are some fic rec´s_

_Progress by 107yearoldvirgin_

_www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5303005/1/Progress_

_**- I love this fic! I think I never laughed so hard while reading and just to let you guys know.. It´s rated M for a reason! ;)**_

_Emancipation Proclamation by kharizzmatik_

_www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5180793/1/Emancipation_Proclamation_

_- A very interesting and complex story, if you have the time, definitely give it a try. I promise, it's one of the most origional stories out there!_

_**So let us guys know how you liked this little chapter.. I hoped it wasn´t too boring! **___

_**Until next time! **_

_**Love, **_

_**Sweets & **__Shellyfish_


	9. Mission: Don't kill Baby SwanCullen

**A/N:**

**ENJOY! **

x-x-x-x

**ROSEPOV**

"Emmett! Is that your brother on the phone?" I asked in a furious tone.

"Yep," he answered quickly. Good boy, he's learned from his mistakes.

"Well, tell that pussy that he is in _big_ trouble and that I'm coming to visit him at his office during lunch. And he better have lunch prepared when I get there. A hungry Rose is not a happy Rose."

Emmett just nodded, a smirk playing on his lips.

I had a really important topic to discuss with my dear brother-in-law. He still hadn't told Bella that he is her baby's daddy. What the hell was he waiting for? Was he going to wait until she pops out a green-eyed, bronze haired kid? Well, surprise Bella! I'm the father of your child without you even knowing the whole time... NOT happening.

Secondly, Bella told me a little secret. Namely that she has a little crush on adorkable Edward. But since he is as good at flirting as he is at milking a cat, Bella is totally self-conscious and thinks that he doesn't like her that way. So now I had to take up the Alice role and play matchmaker and not only teach that little girl Edward flirting but I had to get Mommy and Daddy to start dating. Baby Swan-Cullen will owe me big time! I just pray that he won't get Edward's toes. He has a sixth toe on his left foot and it still creeps the bejeezus out of me.

Bella told me that they had coffee after the doctor's appointment and he gave her a one-armed hug as a goodbye. She was totally disappointed and asked me for help because I am totally the expert on boys, of course. She thinks the fact that she is pregnant is a turn off for Edward… Pssh, if she only knew!

That's the reason I'm going hungry to Edward's damn office. I hate it. His secretary is some stupid college girl. The rest of his employees are either horny bastards who make crude jokes and ogle every female that comes in, or little skanks who think they'll get ahead by shameless flirting. I think the only thing they're good at is making coffee and bending over giving said horny bastards some additional wanking material.

As I arrived at his office I could see that he was still talking with someone on the phone but I seriously didn't have the patience to wait any longer for my food. Best thing... the food was right on his table. _In. His. Office._ So I made my way to his open door, only to have his little assistant come in my way.

"I'm sorry, Ms. but Mr. Cullen is still in the middle of a very important phone conversation. Could you sit down here on the couch and wait for just a few minutes?"

I squinted my eyes at her and gave her my ´eat shit and die´ look.

"Angela, you know who I am, right?"

She nodded her head like the eager puppy she is.

"Good, and you also know that I'm pregnant, right?"

She nodded again and congratulated me. "Yeah, yeah, I'm awesome for being with child," I mumbled before continuing.

"Good. Now you see, I'm here to eat lunch with my dear brother-in-law. Lunch is on his table and I'm outside. Do you see where the problem is? Now I kindly ask you to move out of my way before I eat you."

She looked horrified and scrambled out of my way, faster than a fat man to an all-you-can-eat buffet.

I came in and sat down on his leather sofa and started eating while Edward finished his phone conversation.

"Sorry, Rose. That was a really important client. The guy is a sleazeball but with his entire list of extra wishes we made a huge deal. So what is so urgent that you had to come all the way to my office?"

"Shut it, Lassie. I'm extremely pissed at you! Guess who called me yesterday evening and told me all about your non-date? First question to you is _why_ the _fuck _haven't you told her yet?"

At least he had the decency to look a little ashamed.

"Look Rose, I really like her and I'm afraid that if I tell her now that I´m her baby's daddy, she´ll think I'm some freaky stalker and she won't even allow me to see my kid! When she went to the sperm bank she WANTED to have nothing to do with the father. She knew she would be a single mother and now suddenly I'm here and she'll have to share. At least I want her to give me a chance. I want us to be good friends, so she can see that I'm a great guy. After that, I promise you the first thing I do will be to tell her the truth, but I just know that she isn't ready for that yet. She´ll run screaming from all of us and then I won't have any chance!"

He looked at me desperately, trying to make me understand his point of view and I had to say for such a sissy he was making a good argument. I had to think for a minute about all the things he just said before I even tried responding.

"Okay Edward. I get your point. You want her to like you so that she knows she can trust you with a baby and that you two aren't total strangers. But now my question is, is that all you want from her? Just friends?"

He looked at me strangely for a second before he snorted and shook his head.

"No Rose. I like her. Really, really like her. And I have a feeling that we would be great together but I don't think she really likes me. She always yells at me and the next second she is totally overjoyed and I have to say she kinda scares me a little. But nonetheless I would totally date the mother of my child if I had a chance. No, I would date her even if she wasn't pregnant with my child. Let's face it, she's hot, and such a sweet person. The problem is I don't know how to go about it. I've never had to make the first move. It was always the girls who asked me out."

I looked at him incredulously before I just shook my head.

Man, I have some work to do here.

"Okay Edward. I like Bella and since she seems to tolerate you enough to have you around there is some hope for you. I will help you win her over and get her trust. She doesn't deserve to be alone and you seem to be the right guy, you know with the whole sperm daddy shit, yada, yada. Okay, here's my game plan…"

**EPOV**

"Hello dear soon-to-be parents!"

A doctor, whom I recognized from the hospital, greeted us with a fake smile in an annoying, overjoyed voice.

Loud applause was heard from a group of people that were gathered in a cozy-looking room full of gym mattresses and weird looking pictures of beans on the walls. I looked sideways to Bella, the most beautiful, worship-worthy, pregnant lady ever, just to see her nearly bouncing off the chair and smashing her cute little bottom. What I would do for just a grab... _Sigh._

She was so happy when I agreed to be her partner in this class that she nearly leaped on me while I went for a handshake, which ended with her boobs near my face and my hand touching her crotch.

Best. Moment. Of. My. Life.

Even thinking about that incident made me squirm a little.

"Isn't this the guy that made you sign up?" I whispered into Bella's ear, touching it slightly with my lips while I talked. I felt her shiver which in return made me smirk.

As she turned around to whisper back into my ear, her perfectly pouty, red lips got directly in my line of focus and for the life of me I couldn't look away. They looked like fresh plucked cherries from grandma's garden that you knew were worth her slobbery kisses.

Do not think of your grandma kissing you while you stare at the woman of your dreams and her cherry lips. Amen.

"Edward? Are you okay? Are... Are y-you high or something?" At that statement Emmett burst out laughing and Rose muttered while slapping his arm, "Yeah, on the Bella drug, psycho. Now be still, the sex god in white is speaking, you bimbo."

Rose was licking her lips and looking hungrily at the doc at the front of the room while Emmett looked unbelievably and jealous to her, then back to the doc, then again back to her. It was like a bad match of tennis. No better yet, ping-pong.

"A childbirth class is a great way to prepare for labor and birth. The typical class includes up to eight weekly sessions and consists of lectures, discussion, and exercises, led by a trained childbirth instructor. The goal is to provide you with information to minimize your fears and help you make informed decisions. You'll also learn techniques to help you relax and cope with handling a newborn."

Suddenly, I felt Emmett nudge me. Hard. I tried to ignore him as much as I could which in turn made him nudge me so hard I whimpered out loud. That would definitely leave a bruise bigger than Rose's ego.

"What the hell, Em ?" I whispered harshly.

"Listen Ed, I don't like how MY pregnant woman looks at this wannabe-Emmett. You gotta help me get at him or something. I did it for you when we broke into th—"

"Shut the FUCK up, you gorilla! You can't say that here!"

Looking around me nervously, I made sure no one heard Emmett and me.

"And you cannot call a doc an asshole. That is just wrong and will get you a special place in hell. This guy saves lives and shit."

Emmett just rolled his eyes and was about to continue talking when the doctor started talking again.

"Since this is a special class for first-time parents, it will also include childcare like the right holding techniques, bathing an infant the proper way, and even as simple a task as diaper changing.

Before we start with those things I will first test you guys... Do you see these special flour sacks I have here on my right? Well, my dear Mommies and Daddies, those flour sacks will be your babies for the next week until we meet again!"

…

"Well, fuck," Rose said rather loudly. "I pay way too much money to attend this class and only get a flour sack as a baby! What about robot babies or that shit we see on TV? Seriously, doc? Well, you just got downgraded from Dr. McHottie to Dr. McScrooge." All the women around us gasped and put their hands on their nonexistent baby bumps to "protect their baby's virtue" while Bella just gave them all an annoyed look and high-fived Rose.

Emmett just smirked and high-fived the girls too.

Well I guess this will be one interesting time with my friends.

**BPOV**

"So for how long do you have to keep these things?" Alice asked, inspecting my flour baby.

"Until the second class next week, then we turn them in. And it's not a thing. It's my little baby flour bag. So please refrain from calling her a thing."

"So it's like a rental baby until you learn to handle the real thing?"

Edward let out a gasp and shook his head while I felt the rage bubble up inside me. "A rental?" I asked in a deadly voice.

"Alright then, sorry." Alice held up her hands, backing away in surrender. "You crazy pregnant lady," I thought I heard her mumble under her breath, but in my mind a high, squeaky voice that sounded a lot like Alice herself was chanting _pick your battles_.

We were all sitting in the living room of Rosalie and Emmett's house just hanging out. Alice had been begging both Rose and me to let her be our 'baby stylist,' but I was thinking that wasn't the best plan.

So after we turned her down on the `baby stylist` thing she wanted us to name one of them Jalice or Asper, which Emmett loved, because he could shorten it and call the baby Ass, but Rose didn't appreciate that very much. It all ended with a smack for Emmett and the discussion was officially over.

"So how is a sack of flour supposed to be a baby?" Alice asked again, and I glanced at Rose, who looked equally offended and annoyed.

"Alice, when you can't stop thinking about something, it's called an obsession," Jasper called from the other side of the room where the boys were watching some football game.

"It is called an obsession, blah blah blah…" Alice mocked in a high-pitched tone, before replying to her husband. "Well would that make you a sex addict?"

"Ohh, burn!" I couldn't help saying.

"Yeah, need some ice for it?" Edward added, and I grinned at him for not making fun of me, and he smiled back with his cute little, crooked smile. Gahhh… I think I went into la la land for a moment. My God, what was my fucking problem? Ever since we got back from the baby class yesterday, I could not get him out of my mind.

Then again, he had been in my thoughts _a lot_ ever since I first met him a few weeks ago, and it wasn't always PG-rated. His hands, oh God, his fingers…. What is it that guys do again to get turned off? Think of their grandma? I tried that, but then I just pictured my grandmother's big bed which led to other fantasies…

Dear God Bella, you need some serious help.

I shook my head quickly and tried to focus on the current conversation.

"What's so awesome about football anyway, all you do is try not to get hit?" Alice asked nonchalantly.

"A good goal in life, and in football," Jasper muttered.

Muttered Yeah´s sounded throughout the room, coming from both the three guys and Rosalie.

"You like football?" I asked her.

"Well, you know, it's okay," she said with a shrug, and turned her eyes to the game.

"NO, RUN YOU MOTHER-FUCKER, RUN! DODGE HIM, HURT HIM, BITE HIM! RUN LIKE YOU STOLE IT! MOVE! MY GRANDFATHER COULD RUN FASTER THAN THAT. Well look at that, you got TACKLED. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SHITBAG!"

We all just stared at Rose for a moment before she said, "What? He should have run faster."

I started laughing and moments later everyone else joined in, and pretty soon we were all rolling on the floor, figuratively, of course.

Well, except for Emmett who was actually on the floor rolling and laughing because apparently he found it that funny.

After we calmed down, I went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, but promptly spilled it when I heard a very girly scream coming from the living room that sounded a bit like Edward.

"YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!"

I ran back to everyone, and found it was indeed Edward screaming, though I had no idea why.

It took me about ten seconds to survey the scene and figure out what was going on.

Edward was standing with his arms crossed glaring at Emmett, with a not so nice look on his face. Alice was standing to his right, eyes wide and her hands up covering her mouth which was most likely gaping openly.

Jasper was shaking his head, and Rosalie just looked stunned, which I'm sure didn't happen very often.

But the main focus was on Emmett. He was sitting in the armchair where both flour babies were laying, covered in some white powdery stuff with a look of horror on his face.

Another few seconds and it clicked.

"YOU KILLED MY BABY!"

"Now Bella, calm down," Emmett said slowly, but I advanced toward him, like a predator stalking its prey.

"Don't you _dare_ tell me to calm down!" I seethed.

Alice came over, grabbing my hand and pulling my back. Damn, for such a tiny person she was strong.

"Emmett, I think you should stand up," Jasper instructed, and my eyes were glued to the chair in which Emmett was currently sitting.

He rose slowly, and once on his feet, he turned around, his eyes wide with curiosity and fear.

I almost fainted. Sitting on the chair was my poor, poor baby, squished and ripped open, its insides everywhere.

"No," Edward was saying slowly, shaking his head in disbelief.

Rose looked at the damage.

"Well at least our baby is safe." She shrugged and turned her attention back to the game on TV.

"How could you?" Edward spat at him, and I was suddenly very glad he was my fake husband, for different reasons than before.

"I didn't mean it," Emmett whined, looking at us, like a kid that did wrong.

"How much do you weigh?" I asked him, wondering how he could possibly have broken my baby!

"I prefer not to answer that right now, I'm still carrying a little holiday weight."

"Emmett, it's the end of September," Jasper told him.

"Well my psychiatrist told me I don't have to answer questions that make me uncomfortable!"

"You see a psychiatrist?"

"I have issues!" Emmett yelled in defense.

"Can we PLEASE focus on the problem at hand?" I asked. "HE SAT ON MY BABY!"

"Bella, don't worry, I will run up to the store and get us a new one, no one will EVER know the difference," Edward said in an effort to comfort me.

I turned to look at him.

"You cannot just BUY a freaking baby, you ASSHAT! HOW RETARDED ARE YOU?"

"True….. We should hold the people that broke it responsible. Maybe get a little payback. Let them feel what we feel now…" Edward turned to look at Emmett, a savage look on his face.

"Hmm, I see your point there, Ed," I agreed, and my own evil smile appeared.

"Guys… what are you thinking about? Guys…?" Emmett's panic was apparent.

We advanced toward him, before Edward and I tripped on an extended foot and fell.

"The fuck?" I asked, before I saw Rosalie looking smug above us.

"There is no way in HELL I would let you go near my baby. Look what happened to yours when you weren't paying attention." She motioned to the flour covered chair and flour covered Emmett.

"So it's our fault YOUR husband sat on OUR baby?"

"Well maybe you should be more careful. Babies are hard to handle. It's not a job for everyone."

"That's it! You're going down, bitch!" I yelled, letting my emotions replace logic as I lunged at Rose like a hungry dog, but once again, I was held back. This time by Edward's firm hold.

"Bella, think logically, we can't go after Rosalie," Edward said and I turned to glare at him.

"But let me finish, it isn't her fault Emmett is such an asshole. We should go after him and his baby!"

"YEAH!"

We both turned around, only to find a trail of flour left heading toward the kitchen, and no Emmett to be found.

"You have got to be kidding me! The fucker ran away!" My eyes flashed as I tried to find a sense of direction in the path left, but it crossed over itself so many times I couldn't figure out which way he went.

"And he took their baby with him!" Edward added as I turned around quickly, and saw that, indeed, their baby was nowhere in sight while ours lay among the ruins of the battle.

"Come on, Bella," Alice called, speaking for the first time since the 'heated discussion' between Rose and us had started.

"What?" I asked, still pissed at the couple whose house I was currently standing in.

"Let's go see if we can doctor baby Jalice up."

And for once, I didn't even correct her on the name.

1 week later at 2nd baby class

**EPOV**

"So have you heard it? Seems like Dr. McHottie, or better known as Dr. McScrooge, was some criminal. He stole the money that was given to him for the electronic baby-dolls that were planned for this class and opened up an illegal bank account on some tropical island. When this blonde girl started calling him out on it last week he panicked and tried to flee to that island but it seems the FBI got him. He was on the Fib's most wanted list for four years!" I heard a woman telling her friend.

We all just gaped and Rose muttered, seemingly bored, "Well, didn't see that coming. Wonder who our new teacher will be."

Just as she said that, a strange, little girl, no taller than 4´11´´, pale white and with short white hair, nearly floated through the door.

"See Bella,_ that _is what a person looks like on drugs." Emmett snickered.

"Talk to my middle finger fatty. I still don't forgive you for killing little Baby Swan-Cullen."

I choked on my spit, _yeah that can actually happen,_ and stuttered, "Cu-Cullen?"

"Well yeah, I mean we are partners in this, Edward."

I blushed furiously and glanced shyly at her.

"You are really sweet and cute and you will make a great mother, Bella." I nearly sighed.

"No, you are the cute one! And so polite and funny!"

Bella clasped my hands in hers and I swear I was about to pee my pants I was so giddy. Or nervous? I don't know. I don't even know my name right now.

"No, you´re the cute one."

"No, you!"

"No, you! You handsome man, you."

At that, I actually giggled and squeezed her hands swiftly.

Suddenly, I heard a loud burp behind us, which not only ruined the moment but brought the smell of vomit to us.

"Sorry, but after I threw up in my mouth and swallowed it back down, that had to come out." Rosalie sneered. "Now Mr. and Mrs. Goo-goo eyes, shut the fuck up or I swear next time, I won't swallow it."

Emmett smirked and muttered a `that's what she said` which was followed by a smack on his head from Rose.

Why does this witch have to ruin everything? Whatever… Bella thinks I am cute! Oh my God. I feel like I'm walking on sunshine… I'm walking on sunshine, whoa oh

I'm walking on sunshine, whoa oh! And don't it feel good! ...

"Edward, you're doing it again. Stop daydreaming and singing. It's creeping me out," Bella whispered, but from her little smile I knew she was only kidding.

Singing? Man, just get me a tutu and call me Edwina. I gotta get manlier.

x-x-x

"Good afternoon, my little butterflies! My name is Jane and I will be from now on your teacher. I am so honored and my aura is just screaming to touch you all!"

At that Emmett got a scared look and whispered, "I already feel violated. Man, I don't want anyone touching me with their Kama Sutra shit except my Rosie baby!"

As if hearing Emmett, Jane fixed her red eyes, ´_I hope to all that is holy that those were contacts otherwise I might start carrying holy water and garlic with me´,_ right on Emmett and made her way, no floated her way, in his direction.

"Holy shit. I don't want to die!" He looked over at us frantically, but we all took one big step away from him and acted as if we didn't know him.

"Hello there, cutie. Well aren't you a big boy? Look how big and strong you are! Yes you are, yes you are! I just want to pinch your cute little, chubby cheeks and eat you!"

Jane said that all in that annoying baby talk and then actually did what she said. Well, not the eating part but the pinching his chubby, little cheeks part.

"I can feel your wonderful aura… Well aren't you an overly sexual boy? Aren't you, you cute little thing!"

Bella was already leaning on me, her face red because of her suppressing her laughter while I chuckled silently watching the scene unfold in front of me.

"Get your hands off me!" He screamed in a squeaky voice as her fingers started tickling his ribs.

Jane just laughed, and I don't mean a cute, womanly laugh, no I mean the laugh that makes you want to pray to God and call for an exorcist.

"Well class. Let's start with today's lesson. We are going to _bathe _a baby! Please come to me so I can give you the baby doll which you will use for this lesson."

x-x-x

"Bella, I swear to God it hates me! How can a piece of plastic shit pee four times on me? FOUR TIMES? Man, it doesn't even have a bladder…." I muttered angrily while I wiped the rest of the water off my face.

Bella just gasped and hit my arm. Hard. Damn, she got some punch.

"Edward, please don't talk about little Edward Junior Swan-Cullen like that. And well when you push too hard on his belly then the `bladder` gets full of water and, well, it pees on you!" Just as she finished saying that, the little demon spawn peed all over her. I started laughing so hard I even snorted.

"Well look at that, you got me all wet." Bella sighed.

And I knew what would happen in exactly …

3…

2…

1…

"THAT`S WHAT SHE SAID!" Emmett screamed loudly followed by a booming laugh.

I saw Bella getting a dangerous look on her face right before she got Edward Junior and pressed hard on his belly making Emmett all wet.

"Well look at that. Now Emmett is all wet! HA!"

"Don't fuck with my man!" Rose screamed while pointing their baby doll in our direction but instead of water hitting us, water came out of their baby doll's mouth and got Rose all wet.

I burst out laughing and high-fived Bella.

"Point one for the Swan-Cullen family! Woot! We are so going to rock this class, Edward," Bella said enthusiastically. She was so happy that she didn't even see the big ass smile on my face which appeared when she called us a family. A fucking _family_. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to hug her and lick her and just… sigh… _Seriously Edward, you gotta man up. Football, beer, hairy balls. Think manly, Edward. MANLY. _

So I did the first thing that came to my mind. I took Bella into my arms and smacked a playful kiss on her cheek.

"Yes, we will so rock this!" After a spin, I put her down and gladly accepted my man card back. Only after not hearing a word from Bella for some time I took a look at her and saw that she had a glazed over look and a small smile playing on her lips.

Well look who made someone haaaaappy! I mentally did my touchdown dance while trying to hold back a smirk. In that little time we were distracted, Rosalie took the whole baby bathtub and made her way behind us.

I only realized what had happened, when I felt cold—and I mean so cold it made my balls shrivel up and nearly fall off—water running down my back.

I screamed loudly and let some not so nice words fall from my lips. "You fudging witch from hell!" Bella said furiously, grabbing Rose's hair and attacking her.

As all hell broke loose, I stood there in a dripping wet T-shirt and just stared at our girls while Emmett nodded appreciatively and muttered something about Jell-O and mud.

"STOP THIS RIGHT NOW! WHO STARTED ALL THIS?" a very furious Jane suddenly yelled.

All people pointed at Emmett and me, which in turn got us dragged out of the class by our ears by little Jane.

"Ow oww ow OWWW, Woman!" we screamed simultaneously.

"Okay you two fuckers, listen to me and listen good. If you ever, and I really mean ever, do this shit again in my class I will literally rip your dicks off and feed them to you. Got it?" Jane seethed at us, her red eyes, which looked damn REAL, glaring at us.

"Yes, Ma´am," we muttered and looked at our feet.

"Jane, get a grip of yourself. You just finished your probation time…" we heard her mutter which in this case made _me_ lose my grip on myself.

"Okay you two lovies. I think it is best that you two will wait out here for your girls until the class is over. And don't forget: a pink aura is a happy aura!" she cheered while making her way back to the classroom.

"Is it only me that heard something about probation?" Emmett whispered.

"No, man. I think we should take another class. Truce?"

"Yeah, sure Bro. But there is something I gotta talk to you about though. Something that Rose told me and I'm not happy about it," he said in a serious voice.

Uh oh.

**ALICEPOV**

Today was the perfect shopping day. I just knew it. I felt it in my bones that today I would find the perfect matching pair of shoes, and not only that, but I had a feeling that something great would be revealed today.

I was on my way to pick up Bella and Rosalie from their second baby class. I knew it wasn't over yet but I was so damn giddy about this good feeling that I decided to wait in the parking lot for them. This stupid fight between the four of them lasted long enough and today was the day I was going to end it. Last week when Edward finally gave up looking for Emmett and Rose's baby was the last time that the four of them saw each other… I don't even want to know how today's baby class ended.

Shudder.

Just as I finished parking, and if I can say so myself, doing it perfectly, I saw some movement coming from the entrance and I was a bit surprised to see two familiar faces making their way out of the building.

Is that Edward and Emmett? Baby class shouldn´t be over for another half-hour! Dear God, what did they do now?

It seemed that the two guys were having a serious discussion and I just couldn´t help myself but to get out of the car and eavesdrop a little.

"… You have to tell her! Trust schmust. Do you know how fucking mad she will be when she learns you kept that a secret from her? I mean Rose is now really good friends with her and a mad Bella means a mad Rose. Do you know what a mad Rose is? She will rip your fucking dick and then shove it down your throat!"

"Em, I talked with Rose. She thinks it's a good idea that I first try to gain her trust before I tell her all that."

Okay, now I got really curious. Not only was I surprised to see the two talking but it seemed to be about a really big secret and I was more excited to find it out than the day at Bloomindales where I found those Chanel pumps at reduced price! Okay, maybe not quite that happy but it was a close second.

"Yeah right, Edward. And what good will it bring you when she trusts you and you tell her that you lied to her the whole time you knew her?

Oh, hey Bella. I am Edward also known as the file E.C. from Sperm 101 you choose as your donor. Yes, Bella that's right. I'm your baby's daddy and I knew from the beginning and didn't tell you because I thought it would be a good idea to first gain your trust and be friends. You think I should have told you sooner so that we could have worked it out together? Oh, Bella you are a genius but now it's too late. Don't hate me Bella. Stop kicking me in the nuts, Bella. Put the knife down, Bella. Don—" Emmett started imitating Edward in a high, nasally voice. But what he just said was a shock to me. Edward is the father of Bella's child?

Wait, Edward who is Jasper's business partner who is my husband and then me who is best friends with Bella and Bella who is great friends with Rose and Rose whose husband is Edward's brother whose brother Edward is Bella's baby father because Bella chose him at a anonymous sperm donor…

Oh, for the love of FUCK!

Oh God. Oh Goooooood… Don't panic! Breathe!

I have a headache.

I need to lie down.

But more importantly, I need to talk to the girls.

**A/N: So I hope you people liked the new chapter… And since many of you cannot wait for the two to start dating… I can tell you that much: Next chapter will be a VERY IMPORTANT ONE for our two favorite characters **

**Many thanks to my Beta. Without her this story wouldn't be half that good. GO and check out her story! **

**And a teaser for the next chapter will be a Youtube link ;) everyone who wants it, either write a review and I´ll send it to you or come and visit the White Gold thread. I will post it there. **

**Love, Sweets**


	10. Mission: Visit from the family

**Hey there readers! Thanks for all the reviews I got for last chapter. It wasn't that many but I guess I deserved that for not updating in such a long time **

**Anyway, I hope I can make you all happy with this update... It's not one of the funniest chapters ever but I think you will all love me when you have finished reading it. *wink* **

**!IMPORTANT!**

**I would highly recommend it to you guys to watch this video before you start reading the part where Edward and Bella dance together so that you have a visual. **

**Here's the link: www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=aSpnneXeDKY&feature=related**

**Many thanks to my awesome Beta Mcc101180! She does an amazing job and without her this whole story wouldn`t be half this good. I heart you Mel! **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**HAVE FUUUN!**

** x-x-x-x-x-x**

_Wait, Edward who is Jasper's business partner who is my husband and then me who is best friends with Bella and Bella who is great friends with Rose and Rose whose husband is Edward's brother whose brother Edward is Bella's baby father because Bella chose him as an anonymous sperm donor…_

_Oh, for the love of FUCK!_

_Oh God. Oh Goooooood… Don't panic! Breathe!_

_I have a headache._

_I need to lie down._

_But more importantly, I need to talk to the girls._

**AlicePOV**

Getting out of my hiding place, I made my way to find the girls and tell them what I'd heard.

There were so many questions swimming in my head. How was it that Emmett knew about Edward being the father of Bella's baby? And if Emmett knew, did that mean Rose knew too? Normally Emmett was not capable of keeping secrets from her. He might be a terrific lawyer and thus have the perfect poker face, but when he tries lying or keeping a secret from Rose, he gets this constipated look on his face. It's really an ugly thing to look at.

I spotted Rosalie and Bella coming out of the building, laughing and hugging. Well at least it seems that they're getting along again. Good thing that they got over that stupid fight. I mean, flour sacks as babies? And when I care for my shoes that much, they call _me _a freak.

"Hi ladies! I hope you girls are ready for some _intense_ shopping and _talking_! Get in the car," I gritted out while giving Bella and Rose a stern look. Gracefully, I turned on my heels and made my way, with some extra swing in my walk, to the car.

_I am so rocking this dramatic departure thing. _

As soon as the two were in the car, I sped out of the parking lot, eager to grill them and get the answers to my questions.

"Jesus Alice, pregnant women in your back seat! If you don't want some matching vomit to go with your leather seats here, you better slow the fuck down!" Bella nearly screamed while squeezing the shit out of Rose's hand.

I just grinned and winked at her while speeding past all the cars on our way to the mall.

"Seems like you two are on speaking terms again. So, what happened at baby class? Any big life-altering secrets revealed or found out today? Is there something you two want to tell me?"

"No Alice, nothing major. We just had a little water fight and then got to watch how little Jane, that's our new teacher by the way, went all Hulk on Emmett and Edward." Bella giggled, oblivious to my prying.

Finally arriving at the mall, I made another perfect parking maneuver and I swear I heard even Rose squeak a little.

As we made our way out of the car and into the nearest baby clothing store, I started digging again.

"Uh huh, very interesting. Anyway, are you and Edward getting along good? Feeling some special bond or some shit like that?"

"Bella, sweetie, would you be so kind and get us something to drink? I gotta talk to Mrs. Whitlock here for a minute," Rose said nonchalantly to Bella. Hmm…seems like Rose does know something otherwise she wouldn't send Bella away.

"What will you guys talk about? Is it a secret? I wanna know too!"

"Well honey, if you must know, I want to talk to Alice about my new blowjob technique. I swear I got almost all of Emmett in—"

"Bah, bah, bah, bah… Eww, I didn't need to hear that. Why did I even bother asking? I am going to get some Slushies for us all. And some cookies."

Right after Bella was out of earshot, Rose turned to me with an ugly sneer on her face.

_Look who is in a good mood today. Just makes you want to sing and dance at a fairy wedding._

"Well Rose, I didn't know that you were that interested in giving me blowjob tips but what the hell. So how did you do it?"

"What do you know?" Rose asked in a dead serious voice.

"About blowjobs? Well you get the peni—"

"Jesus, how stupid are you? Not about blowjobs. Do you know _something_?"

"Well, do_ you_ know something?" I replied back, looking her directly in the eyes. I had to say her stare was a little intimidating and dare I say it, scary…Okay, not a little, _a lot_.

_Be brave, Alice. You have to put your big girl panties on. Like the cute ones with the Superman symbol. Wait, didn't Jasper rip them last night? Yeah he did...Giggle… Go Super-Jasper! _

"I might know something." She quirked an eyebrow at me while smiling smugly.

"I might know something too."

"And what exactly is this thing you know?" With every question I uttered out she came closer to me.

"Oh no no no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know."

"I can't tell you what I know."

"Well then I can't tell you what I know either."

"Fine."

The sudden silence was filled by our breathing, a baby crying and my heart slamming against my chest so hard, that I wondered why it wasn't already springing out.

Suddenly Rose screamed, "You don't know! You can't know!"

"Fine, how about I go talk to Bella and ask her about the thing that I know, and I will see if the thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that you think that you know!"

At that, Rose's eyes bugged out, which was a dead giveaway that she knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Oh my God, you KNOW!" Rose gasped out.

"And you know! OH MY GOD! WHY DIDN—"

The rest of my sentence got cut off as Rose slammed her hand over my mouth and dragged me in a dark corner of the store. I seriously felt like screaming 'rape' and kicking her in the coochie.

"Mmmmhmm…" I tried screaming but she just tightened her hand over my mouth and pinched my butt cheek. Hard.

"Listen to me, Pixie, and listen good, Bella is the only one who doesn't know yet. It is not our job to let her know that her Baby daddy is our Eddie-boy. So you will keep your little mouth shut or I'll find a way to make your life a living nightmare. Yes Alice, I know all about your biggest fear or let's call it 'phobia.' I know exactly that you freak the fuck out when someone touches your knees. Your masseuse is very talkative under pressure," she whispered in my ear.

Damn Yolanda and her magic fingers. I knew I couldn't trust her with my deepest secret. I mean I'm okay when people touch my knees while I'm sitting, but when I am standing or lying down and someone touches me there I start screaming like a damn banshee and go into full on fetal position.

"Okay, Tinker-telly, nod if you understand what I said. You won't say a word to Bella and you will only talk about that thing with either me, Edward, Emmett or Jasper. No one else. Got it?"

I nodded my head fast and she released me from her death grip. While taking huge deep breaths to get all the oxygen my body missed during her wrestle hold on me, I looked warily at Rose.

"Jesus woman, you have some grip there! I won't tell her, okay? You could have told me like a normal person and not like some crazy serial killer. That was damn creepy. And why the hell am I the last one to hear about it? I mean even Jasper knew about it before me and he is the biggest gossip queen I know!"

"Well sweetie, let's face it. You are crap at lying and God only knows how we will keep you and Mr. Gossip Girl from blurting it out to Bella. Oh Jesus, I can already feel the vibration rolling off of you. Relax and don't act so obvious!"

She rolled her eyes at me and although what she said was true, I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of being right _again_.

"Nope Rosie. I can keep that secret and I am relaxed. You'll see. I will rock this whole secret-keeping thingy."

In that moment, Bella came back into the store looking for us while holding about five Slushies and a seemingly empty bag of cookies. That woman is like a bottomless garbage can since she got pregnant. Finally, she spotted us and made her way over. Rose gave me one last stern glance which you could interpret as 'shut the fuck up or your knees will be hurting.'

"Guys, why are you hiding in this dark corner like some druggies waiting for their dealer? Anyway, doesn't matter. When I was in line for the Slushies I pulled out four eyelashes! That can't be good, can it?"

Just seeing her again made me all giddy and forget all about Rosie's threats and the stupid shit Bella was talking. I just had to hug her…so I did. Not only that but I squeaked like a Barbie doll and jumped up and down with Bella still in my arms.

"Yeah, relaxed my ass," I heard Rose mutter.

**BellaPOV**

_(1 month later)_

"— And so I screamed in a murderous voice." Emmett started imitating himself and screaming angrily, "Keep your meaty fingers to yourself, you asshole! Wow, I think I just scared myself a little."

"Well at least you scared someone, honey," Rose replied with a smirk on her face.

We were all gathered at a private booth at Emmett's favorite restaurant celebrating his birthday, and retelling some funny things we did during the last month. I couldn't believe how fast a whole month had passed. We were already at the beginning of November and I was now three and a half months pregnant, finally out of my first trimester. I had more energy, felt more alive, and, thank-fucking-God, I had control of my bladder and butt again. I swear over the last few months I let more unintentional farts out than I was comfortable admitting.

_Yes, the walk through the grocery store was a total 'Dear Diary' moment._

Not only did I have more energy and wasn't constipated anymore, but I was also happier than ever. The six of us had become really good friends over the last month and I did not know what I would do without them now that I had them in my life.

But there was one thing that was bugging the shit out of me. Edward. Edward _'I'm-hotter-than-the-sun'_ freaking Cullen. I wanted him badly but he still hadn't asked me out! I mean, I knew there was flirting going on between us. We were always holding hands, and his little innocent kisses on my cheek, on my forehead and on my shoulder were driving me crazy. Literally. I felt like, like… just jumping on him and kissing his perfect pouty lips until he finally got the point and asked. me . out.

So my new goal this month was to get Edward to ask me out. _Well the bigger boobs will definitely help get Mommy some meat. _

I was brought out of my little inner monologue when I heard Rose starting to insult some waiter who just brought her burger.

"There's no ketchup on my burger. Where is my ketchup?"

"Uhm…"

"Are you an idiot? Is that why you are a waiter, because you are a stupid dingus? Go get me ketchup NOW!"

The poor waiter was already close to tears. With a trembling bottom lip and his gaze fixated on his shoes, he ran off, nearly slamming another waiter down in his hurry to get away from our table.

Emmett just shook his head and looked at Rose. "Every damn time, Rose? I think we talked about this. No wonder they send us his therapy bills."

"Ugh, he should stop acting like such a baby. I mean we come here fairly often, they should know by now that I don't like him. Whatever."

Rosalie was interrupted by Emmett's phone ringing. As he looked at the caller ID, he suddenly got very pale and gave Edward a concerned look. "I gotta take this real quick. Be right back." Emmett hurried out of the booth and made his way outside.

"Who might that be? He looked worried," I asked all the others, but oddly no one made eye contact and murmured some weird shit. What was going on?

Suddenly we saw Emmett come back in some hurried walk-run and head straight for Edward, taking him by his T-shirt and whispered in a horrified voice, "We got a big, annoying problem, Edward."

"What's up? Oh man, don't tell me Mom and Dad got arrested for public indecency again."

"Fuck no, man. Well now there's a mental image I didn't need. Why do you always start with that shit? It was one time and they were drunk. Doesn't matter now. Our problem: Uncle Carlisle is visiting in two days."

Edward eyes bulged out and he froze. Who was this man and why did Edward have such a strong reaction to him?

"Is _he_ the only one coming? Or are _they_ coming?" he asked, his voice full of spite.

Man, seems like someone doesn't like his uncle.

"_All of them._"

I turned to Rosalie to see the same hateful expression on her face.

"Who is this 'Carly' person and why do you all hate him so much?" I glanced over at Alice and saw her looking as clueless as I was.

Rose turned to us girls and started to whisper. "Well you two lucky bitches haven't yet had the _pleasant _experienceofmeeting Emmett and Edward's uncle. Okay, you wanna know the soap opera worthy family story? Here it comes:

Robert Cullen is Emmett and Edward's grandfather. He was about twenty when he got the neighbor's daughter pregnant and of course he had to marry her. But there was no love or passion between them. So twenty-two years after Edward Sr., who is Edward and Emmett's dad, was born, Robert asked for a divorce. They say it was a mutual decision but that's total bullshit. Apparently, Robert had this naughty affair with their maid and out came Carlisle, who is only two years older than Emmett and five years older than Edward. Robert was, of course, very happy to have another son and Edward Sr. accepted his half brother without even blinking. They were all the picture perfect, happy family, yada, yada. But then Edward's wife, Elizabeth, got pregnant and as soon as Emmett was born, Carlisle got really jealous because Robert spoiled his grandchild rotten but was very strict with Carlisle. So as soon as they were all old enough, Carlisle started this competitive behavior and began to provoke his nephews. At first it was innocent, like 'who makes the best Christmas card', 'who sings the best birthday songs', just little games to show off. But the older they got, the harder and more serious the competition between them got, and now they are totally out of control. Every year at the beginning of November, Carlisle comes to visit his nephews to continue this 'competition war.' Of course they just call it visiting family but who the fuck is he trying to shit, we all know he just gets his rocks off by proving how much better he is than his nephews.

Carlisle is now a doctor, with a perfect Stepford wife and this little brat of a child. They seem like the All-American dream family but they are pure evil. I tell you, pure evil." She finished her story in some scary whisper voice which gave me the creeps.

Wow, this family was all kinds of fucked up but I guess you can't really choose who you are related to.

"God Edward, if it weren't bad enough ordinarily, this year Esme's pregnant too. What do we do? We need a game plan to actually beat him this time. I cannot stand his stupid version of _'We are the champions'_ for one more year. I want to see him cryyyy!" Emmett nearly screamed.

Why do guys have to be so competitive?

"Well, guys. Maybe it is time that you show some strength and act like the grown-ups you are. Just ignore his little game and enjoy your time with your uncle," I suggested.

Emmett just looked at me incredulously and gave me his best 'how-stupid-are-you' look. "Yeah, we'll call that Plan B. All right? What else do we got?"

Edward made his way over to me and took me in his arms. "Sorry B, but I can guarantee you as soon as you meet them you'll want to beat the living shit out of them. They are snobby, obnoxious and way too perfect to be considered normal. It's creepy. But I liked your plan." He finished it all with a kiss to my temple.

_Oh, Edward why can't you just ask me out, so we can be the perfect couple and have crazy monkey sex and live happily ever after? _Well I couldn't tell him that but I was about to. I really was. So I just shut up and snuggled into his side enjoying his strong arms that were wrapped around me.

"Well seems like we have plans this weekend. Hey Alice, isn't your friend from work a big Justin Timberlake fan? I had some tickets for this weekend but now that we can't go I can give them to her."

"Do you think those tickets are for seats that are more than 120 feet away from him, his girlfriend or any of his family members?"

"Yeah?"

"Well then it's not against the law so yeah! I'll give them to her."

"Your friends scare me, Alice. They really do."

x-x-x

"Get a move on, Edward. If we show up even a minute late, we'll have to hear Carlisle's whining about how he _lost a minute of his oh so precious time_ for the whole ride back," Emmett exclaimed, clearly annoyed.

"I'm coming! Bella, are you sure you'll be okay here? Thanks again for coming today. I think it'll be much easier to endure them if you'll be here." Edward spoke to me sweetly.

How much cuter can he get? _Oh Edward, I would follow you to the end of the world…._ Okay THAT was cheesy. Get a grip of yourself, Bella.

"Yes, sure I will be fine, Edward. I'll bake some of my famous chocolate chip cookies and help Rosalie out. She seems… _stressed_."

Stressed was the understatement of the year. Rosalie was freaking the hell out. She was running from the kitchen to the dining room like the freaking Tasmanian devil.

"Okay, if you say so. We'll be back in about an hour." And with that I was left alone with the fucked up version of Betty Crocker.

"Bella, get a move on and start baking the cookies! And please do it by the recipe and NO pickle juice," Rose screamed at me while furiously mixing some ingredients in a bowl.

"Rose, I'm standing right next to you. Don't freaking scream in. my. ear!" I screamed right back, just to make a point, of course. Not that I was freaking out. Not at all.

"Sorry, it's just that they get to me. Every single time they've visited they've always said something negative about the food. Always! And this time I won't give them the opportunity to be ABLE to say anything bad about the food. It'll be _that_ good!" she said while laughing like a maniac and new determination in her eyes. As I said, the Betty Crocker from _hell._

I just ignored her very weird behavior and started on my cookies. When the doorbell rang a little while later, Rose nearly jumped into my arms. "They're already back? Fuck, I haven't even put the chicken into the oven!"

"Rose, what the fuck? Relax! It's not them yet. Emmett and Edward haven't even been gone for more than thirty minutes. It's probably just Alice and Jasper." I tried to soothe her and get her away from me so I could go open the door, but she wouldn't budge. Instead, she just tightened her hold on me. "The door is open!" I screamed from the kitchen and prayed to God it really was just Alice and Jasper.

"What's up with you guys? Not even nice enough to open the door for us? Pregnancy changed you, Bella," Alice said while making her way into the kitchen and giving Rose a worried glance as she saw her holding me like some kind of security blanket.

"What happened with her? Did she see Emmett in her underwear again?" Jasper snorted.

"No, Emmett and Edward are picking up Carlisle and his family and Rose is freaking out over dinner. Alice, can you maybe give us a hand? Jasper, you wanna help too?" I asked desperately. Rose snapped out of shock mode and flew back into mixing and cooking with a newly found energy.

Jasper looked warily from Rose to the cutting knives in her hand and back to her. "I wish I could but I _really_ don't want to. You guys can find me in the living room." And with that he ran out of the room.

"Okay guys, we have exactly thirty-five minutes left. GET A MOVE ON!" Rose screamed and with that we were all in cooking mode.

x-x-x

"I just got a call from Emmett. They'll be here in approximately ten minutes. Are the cookies done?" Rose asked.

"Check."

"Chicken in the oven and soup done?"

"Check and check."

"Dressed and make up on?"

"Check and checkitty check!"

"Good, I'd say we are ready for the Addams family. Let's pray." Rose bowed her head and really recited a prayer.

"Dear God, please be with us this evening and help my nerves to stay in check and not strangle someone tonight. Amen."

Right after Rose finished, the door opened and Emmett and Edward came in, each one of them carrying one of the biggest suitcases I'd ever seen. Oh, and they were green. A bright, neon green. And they were covered in bubble wrap. What is wrong with these people?

Following behind them was a strikingly beautiful man with white-blond hair and a killer smile, holding a little boy in his arms, who was the spitting image of him, except his eyes were a hazel color instead of blue like his father's. On his right was a petite woman with caramel colored hair and lovely features.

Perfection, that's how I would describe them. They were abnormally perfect, not a hair on their head in the wrong place, and does the little boy really have a clip-on tie?

"Alice, Bella, I'd like to introduce you to Carlisle Cullen, his wife, Esme, and their little boy Robert August the second. Carlisle, Esme, this is Alice, Jasper's wife, and Bella, a close friend of ours." Edward introduced us.

"And you remember Emmett's wife, Rosalie, and my business partner Jasper, right?"

"Of course, Edward!" Carlisle exclaimed in a horrid fake British accent. What the fuck? I thought they were originally from Los Angeles.

"And I can't believe you and your little friend are still playing with boats. Isn't that cute, Esme? Just like our little Robert August the second." He cooed.

All three started laughing simultaneously and after exactly three seconds stopped at the same time. Now I get why they call them creepy.

"What the fuck," Edward whispered. "We are making luxury yachts and I have to say that we are quite successful and famous with celebrities," he gritted out. I saw Emmett shake his head and mouth to me, _'Let the games begin.'_

I tried to think of something to get Edward's attention away from the spooky clan.

"How about we eat some cookies? You want some, Robbie?" I asked sweetly while addressing the little boy.

"MY NAME IS ROBERT AUGUST THE SECOND, YOU DUMMY!" he screeched in a pitch so high, not even dogs would've been able to hear that shit.

Rose just gave me a look that said more than a thousand words. Little devil child.

"Robert August the second, where are your manners? Now go with Becca and Rosalinda and get a cookie. But only one!" Esme chastised him, but a smirk remained firmly on her face.

_That bitch is enjoying the torture her child is putting us through! _

" Be-ll-a and Ro-sa-lie!" Rosalie pronounced our names slowly, and made hand gestures. Even a retarded whale would know our names now with all her hand waggling.

"Okay, Robert August the second. Come with us to the kitchen, we have some cookies there."

Rose took the little boy's hand and I followed both of them into the kitchen while all the others made their way to the dining room. Once they took a seat, they didn't waste time before they got started with their competition. I could hear them talking about their monthly salaries. I just hoped it would stay that innocent. _Yeah Bella, you also hope for world peace and that unicorns are no fictional characters._

"Okay, here is a cookie, sweetie." Rosalie gave Robert a cookie while trying to smile nicely at him. Trying being the keyword. Because it definitely did NOT look nice. It looked more like a _'someone shoved a stick up my ass_' smile.

"MY NAME IS ROBERT AUGUST THE SECOND, YOU DUMMY!" Robert shrieked again while kicking Rose in the shin and biting her finger. I gasped loudly as Rose yelped.

A cruel smile was firmly planted on the little devil's face as he laughed at Rose's pain.

"You fucking brat!" She shrieked loudly while trying to get to him. I immediately jumped up and held her back. "Rose, calm the fuck down. That's a four year old kid!" I whispered harshly into her ear.

"MOMMY!" I heard Robert scream suddenly. Rose and I screamed 'NO' at the same time. Now the mutant Mommy will be on our heels. Fuck!

Esme appeared out of the blue. Talk about not making a sound and getting freakier by the minute.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"What means fucking? Rosalinda said that word right now!" he asked her with innocent doe eyes. How can a four year old be so mean one second and then act like a little angel the next? Something is seriously wrong with his mind!

"Oh my God, Bella, he ratted me out! He knows exactly what fucking means! I mean he has Emmett and Edward as his cousins!" Rose whispered to me while I had to strengthen my hold on her.

Esme gasped at what she heard from her son and looked furiously at us.

"Rose, if you cannot control your tongue in front of children, who knows what will happen to your child when it has to grow up around such offensive language. I have only two words: Hill-billy."

"Did she just seriously insult my unborn child? Oh, she is going down." Rose shrieked angrily while shooting death glares at Esme and a happy Robert, who was munching eagerly on a cookie.

"Rose, I'll say this one last time. Calm the fudge down. She is right. We really have to be careful what kind of language we use in front of a child. We should really try to stop using swear words at all in preparation for our time as upcoming mothers." I talked to her calmly, trying to make that pulsating vein on her forehead disappear.

"Yeah, you are right. My bad, Esme. Won't happen again."

"No problem, sweetie. I guess as an unemployed person you get accustomed to using such improper language."

Aaaand the vein was back. Look at that, it even had a twin brother.

"I. am. not. unemployed!" Rose said in a deadly calm voice, gritting her teeth together hard. She reminded me a lot of a pit bull right now. If Esme didn't shut her mouth, I was likely to unleash the pit bull on her.

"Whatever makes you feel better, honey. Ohhhh, cookies! Can I have one? I've developed such a sweet tooth ever since I got pregnant again."

"Yeah sure, Esme! I made them myself. One of my own recipes," I replied proudly, happy to be able to move away from the awkward and dangerous conversation we were having just seconds ago.

The cookie recipe I used for today was one of my best. All people on the `Sir-mix-a-lot` website loved it and I got only the best reviews on it. Those cookies were sure to shut her snappy mouth.

Esme then proceeded to take one of the smallest bites humanly possible.

"Tastes passable. They are nice cookies but it could be better. Bella, it would do you good to visit this wonderful website called `Sir-mix-a-lot!` The recipes there are fabulous. This woman who makes them is truly gifted. You, not so much."

She finished that all up by spitting the almost nonexistent bite she took into the trash and smiling sickeningly sweetly at me. Then she took her boy and went back to the dining room.

"Did that blob just seriously say that my cookies sucked and then _spit _the rest out? Rose, the game is FUCKING ON. I want to see her cry. I want to fucking mess up her thousand-dollar hair that looks like a freaking wig and then force her to eat my delicious cookies! How can a pregnant woman be such a … such a bitch?"

Rose just grinned at me, patted me on the back and whispered, "Now you know what I was talking about. Let's go and help Emmett and Edward take them down."

x-x-x-x

After dinner, Esme went and put little Robert down while we all were finishing up our dessert. Carlisle was still talking about his amazingly boring accomplishments.

"Well, my dear nephews, I saved an ex-FBI agent's life while he was out looking for one of the most dangerous men of the world. They thought he would die but I didn't give up on him. I just acted out on my instincts and I was right once again. He told me that I could contact him whenever I might need him, and that he'd be forever thankful." Carlisle finished that up with a smirk on his face, his fake accent getting worse the more he talked, and I swear Alice had to pinch me at least five times so that I didn't start laughing out loud.

"Well Edward here has Pamela Anderson's phone number. Her _private_ phone number if you get what I mean." Emmett smirked.

I turned my head fast to Edward and gave him a stunned look. What the fuck? Why does Edward have contact information for this porn star? Edward immediately saw my expression and shook his head 'no' in a frantic manner. _Good. I don't want her to accidentally burst a boob when I hit her with my baseball bat. _

"You have? Well my best friend, who is a plastic surgeon, did her breasts. I think he will give me her number too if I ask for it."

"Well Edward here learned French last year and he is near fluent now," Jasper replied back.

"French? Well I speak Spanish and German fluently. I guess I could learn French too if I wanted to, but it is a way too snobbish language in my opinion."

Esme, who had silently made her reapparance, giggled at that and picked at her tiramisu that sat nearly untouched on her plate. I mean I was pregnant too and I already ate all of it. How can this woman, who is carrying a child in her, eat like an anorexic bird?

"Well Edward here is a great cook. Didn't he help you with one of your famous cookie recipes, Bella?"

At that Esme snorted and whispered to Carlisle rather loudly so we could all overhear.

"Well honey, I tasted her cookies. Yours are way better."

"Excuse me?" Edward said rather loudly.

"Well it is true. They tasted poor. And a little like pickle if I remember correctly."

"Bella!" Rose and Alice screamed loudly. I just shrugged my shoulders and took another piece of tiramisu.

"Well Edward has his own stalker!" Jasper screamed.

"Carlisle was nearly gang raped by five horny nurses. HA!" Esme screamed right back while standing up and pointing her long fingers at him.

"EDWARD GIVES ME THE BEST ORGASMS!" I suddenly exclaimed.

Silence. I was met with dead silence until Emmett started laughing loudly and trying to high-five Edward.

"Well if Edward is as good at giving orgasms as you are at baking then I doubt that, sweetie. And Carlisle can make me come about four times a night!"

Rose snorted loudly. "You wish, you cow!"

"Well Edward has the best dance moves ever. He even won a dance contest once!"

That I knew was an absolute lie. Edward was a hopelessly bad dancer.

"I don't think so. Esme and I can dance a perfect waltz!" Carlisle said.

Everyone was now standing up, either screaming or snorting obnoxiously.

Alice was the only quiet one and suddenly she said loudly, "I have an idea! There is a dance night in my favorite bar tonight! The crowd decides who wins! We can head over there and then we can see who's the better dancer, once and for all."

Everyone agreed rapidly with a loud yes, except Edward who tried to protest against Alice's idea. Emmett got him by his ear and dragged him over to Rose and me.

"Okay Bella, you got to dance with Edward on this one since Carlisle will have Esme. And let's face it, Rosie, you are not the most graceful of dancers. At our wedding you nearly amputated my toes by stepping on them the whole time."

Rose just nodded and didn't even try to deny it.

"Okay, you two, when we get there I will show you some of my best moves and I'll get Alice to pimp your clothes a little bit. I have the perfect choreography and the best song idea. Let's get a MOVE ON!"

"Wait, I cannot leave Robert August the second alone!" Esme exclaimed right before we were about to leave.

We all looked simultaneously at Jasper, who was the only one without a real purpose.

"Oh man, really?" he groaned. We all just nodded and made our way to Alice's favorite bar.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Arriving at the bar called "Pretty in Pink" we realized that Alice's favorite bar was a gay bar. Just perfect!

We got into the bar fairly quickly, thanks to Alice's wonderful connection to the gay community, I didn't even bother to ask, and made our way to the backstage area to sign up for the dancing contest, which had already started.

"Good, my sweets. The doc and his partner will be the first ones up. You'll be right after this couple on stage. And by the way, missus, your wig looks so real! I would have never guessed that you were a man!" The manager winked at Esme and made his way back to the bar.

At first I was shocked until I saw Alice hand him some money and told him 'good work.' When she saw me watching her, she just winked and blew me a kiss. _God, I love my best friend._

"Okay, Emmett. Carlisle and Esme's turn is before us, so we have about ten minutes to learn a fucking dance and win this shit!" Edward was near hysterics and sweating like a horse while doing some kind of pee-pee dance.

"Calm down, man. Okay, so you guys will start by being next to each other on the stage facing away from the crowd. When the music starts you'll do a rodeo. I think you both will know how that move goes, since you are that good at bull riding. Then you guys start to thrust your hips from side to side, forward and backward to the beat of the music." While he explained the rest of the dance to us, he showed us the dance moves and although they looked perverted and totally dumb I bet that most of the bar guests were drunk enough to find it funny and vote for us.

"And you finish this all up with Bella hopping into your arms and making the famous _'spirit fingers'_!" Emmett finished while wiggling his fingers in a not so manly way.

Rosalie couldn't hold it in anymore and started laughing so hard she had to lean on me.

"Man, you guys are so going to win this shit. I love you, Emmie bear!"

"AND NEXT ON THE STAGE WE HAVE A WALTZ DANCED BY CULLEN AND HIS WONDERFUL WIFE SLASH HUSBAND, ESMEEEEE!"

The presenter screamed loudly while doing some moves himself showing off his nice pink navel piercing.

On the stage came Esme and Carlisle, who was dressed in a tuxedo with a bowtie and doing some curtsey to the audience. _Such a kiss ass whore and where the hell did he get a tuxedo that fast?_

They started dancing a perfect waltz, not one single step being out of place, and they looked like someone held a skunk under their nose the whole time. We had to endure their horribly boring dance for a whole seven minutes until finally some genius just turned off the music.

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, was a… dance. Yeah, let's call it a `dance.` Thank you very much Doctor and wifey! Kisses for the Missus!" The presenter screamed loudly into the microphone getting everyone's attention. While he was making some kind of sex jokes on the stage, Alice handed us our pimped out outfits that ended up just being ripped clothing in a funky color. "That's it?" I asked while putting it over my tank top and tying my hair into two ponytails.

"Yes, believe me. You guys will rock this!"

"And our next competitors are Belly and her smelly Eddie! APPLAUSE PLEASE!"

"Emmett, what the hell?" Edward screamed loudly while I dragged him up on the stage.

As we got into our position, 'Apache' by the Sugarhill Gang started playing. We started our dance exactly how Emmett showed us. The crowd went wild as soon as they heard the song and all the people around us clapped their hands and whistled while we finished it. Right as I was about to jump into Edward's arms and finish it up with some '_spirit fingers,'_ someone threw their underwear onto the stage and it landed right on. my. face.

_Oh God no, why did some moron think it was necessary to let all these people know he wears tighty whiteys with 'Juicy' written on the back? _

The whole incident made me trip and instead of Edward's arms, I was pretty sure I was going to land onto my face. Before that could happen though, I felt Edward catch me and pick me up, holding me close to his chest. Thank-fucking-God! As our dance finished, the audience went wild, screamed loudly and applauded us for nearly a whole minute. I quickly got the underwear off of my face and was greeted by a radiant smile from Edward.

"I think we won this, Bella!" he said happily while swirling me around.

When he finally put me down again, we gazed into each other's eyes, and totally blocked all the people around us out. I couldn't look away from his beautiful green eyes. There were so many emotions in them ranging from happiness to wonder to, dare I say it, desire. Edward gently took my hands in his, entwining our fingers and leading them to his neck. I felt my breathing hitch at his gesture and by his little chuckle he obviously noted it too. He then caressed my whole arm with his fingertips, starting at my wrist and working his way down to my shoulder. He continued until he reached my lower waist, where he circled them around me, making me feel secure and totally giddy. With a big smile on his face, he slowly got closer to me until our bodies were nearly all pressed up against one another other and our lips were only inches apart. I could feel his hot breath on my face and it made me want him so much more.

_Oh my God, he's going to kiss me. Oh yeah, oh yeah, uh huh, oh yeah. _

"Bella," he whispered against my lips. "Would you go out with me next Friday?"

"Yes, Edward. Now shut up and kiss me," I replied, while smiling like I just won the biggest prize in the world, which in a way, I did. I won Edward.

He closed the last little gap between us and pressed his pouty lips directly on mine into a kiss full of hope.

x-x-x-x-x

**YES, they finally kissed! And next chapter will be their first date! But not only that… next chapter someone may or may not let the cat out of the bag about the Baby daddy secret! *shock* **

**Until next time! And please leave me a review! **

**Reviews**** makes me happy **** makes me be funnier **** makes White Gold funnier **** makes me WRITE even faster! :D **

**Love, Sweets**


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